A Place for Everything
by diamonddragonfly
Summary: Sara leaves to start a new life and finds there is a place for everything including those she left behind. WIP. Will be GSR.
1. Prologue

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING

This is my first multi-chapter story. It is set pre canon, but there is no specific time that it is set in. There are some little spoiler bits here and there, but they are not necessarily in order. That's cos that's how I felt like doing it. Thanks for reading and please review. I still don't have a beta, so any mistakes are mine and I'm proud of them.

I suppose I should add that I don't own CSI or anything to do with it, so I did.

A PLACE FOR EVERYTHING.

PROLOGUE

It was amazing how everything had come together in such a short space of time.

From the moment she received the offer from the FBI, everything had fallen into place.

First the FBI did her interview over the net and phone.

Then her brother had come for an unexpected visit and had been only too happy to help her pack up her apartment.

The lab hadn't been a problem either; Carvallo had accepted her resignation without enthusiasm but had understood and had been only too happy to allow her two weeks of her vacation time in lieu of notice.

But lastly, what had made it seem as if fate had taken a hand, Grissom was away for two weeks at a conference and was not there when she resigned.

Now as her flight neared its destination, Sara knew this had been the right choice.

Painful as it was to leave Las Vegas and those she had felt were her family, she knew that for her life to go forward it was something she had to do. She had to break the invisible hold that Grissom had over her.

As she fastened her seatbelt in preparation for landing she took a couple of deep breaths, both to ease the pain when she thought of her former boss and mentor, the man she had loved for years and to still the nerves she felt at the thought of starting again.

TBC


	2. The resignation

CHAPTER 1

A/N: I hope you like this chapter, please read and review. If you like it I will keep going, so feel free to comment and make suggestions. Thanks. Oh Before I forget I don't own anything, like I've said before.

The resignation.

Gil Grissom entered the lab and headed straight to his office. It was as he left it, except that the pile of paperwork he had left there before the conference was gone.

He smiled to himself when he remembered Catherine's phone call asking him if he had deliberately left it all for her and that he owed her big time when he got back.

He was early for shift, so after dropping his briefcase and files on his desk he headed for the break room. No-one else was there yet, but he hadn't really expected anyone except maybe Sara to be there yet. He made himself a cup of coffee and headed back to his office.

Settling behind his desk, he took note of the pile of mail and decided to start with that. He was about halfway through the pile when he happened upon two notes from the lab Director. Opening the first one, he scanned it quickly, not understanding what it meant. However once he had read the second note it became clearer.

Taking off his glasses he leaned back in his chair, rubbing his hands over his face. He felt physically sick all of a sudden. This was not happening. How could she do this? Why would she do this? Putting his glasses back on, he leant on the desk and re-read the note from Carvallo.

_CSI Level 3 Sara Sidle has resigned from this lab to take up a position elsewhere. Her resignation is effective from June 6__th__._

_Signed R. Carvallo_

_Director._

Grissom couldn't think straight, in fact he was having trouble even breathing. He just sat staring at the note.

That was how Catherine found him at the beginning of the shift. She had come looking for him because he was late handing out assignments.

"Welcome back Gil" she said as she entered his office.

When she got no response from him she became concerned and moved to stand by his desk.

"Gil!" Concern made her voice a bit louder. "Gil what's wrong?"

"Did you know about this Catherine?" he asked, his voice harsh as he waved the paper at her. "Did you think it would be funny to see my reaction?" He was angry now.

"Whoa buster, don't take your jet lag out on me" she raised her voice at him. "I don't know what you're talking about. Did I know about what? As far as I know nothing major has happened around here while you were gone."

He shoved the paper he was holding at her and let his head fall back into his hands.

Catherine read the note through twice, before sitting heavily in the chair opposite him.

"I did not know anything about this Gil" she told him, her voice full of surprise. "She has had two weeks off, vacation. I don't think she has told anyone. This says June 6, that's only today." She stopped speaking and looked at the slumped posture of the man opposite her. She knew he had feelings for Sara, but he looked as if he had lost his last friend on earth.

"Look Gil, why don't you give me the assignments and I'll get them started. Then I'll come back"

"Ah…. Yeah, here, there is only one" he grabbed the slip and handed it to her and she was shocked by the sadness in his eyes.

She turned to leave. "No problem Gil"

"Ahm Cath?"

She turned at his voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean what I said" he said sadly.

"Hey Gil?" she gave him a small smile. "Why don't you try calling her?"

_Please don't try and contact me. Not yet. Maybe someday we can get past this _"Ah…. Yeah I….I think I will."

When she had left and closed the door behind her, he took out his cell phone and hit speed dial 2. All he got was a message.

_The number you are calling is no longer in use. _

As he placed the phone back on his desk he frowned. With sudden insight he grabbed the rest of his mail and thumbed through it.

"_She wouldn't leave without telling me why, there has to be something here." _He hoped he was right.

Finally he came to an envelope with his name on it, nothing else, in handwriting that was familiar. His hands shook as he opened it, and he was not really sure if he wanted to know what it had to say or not.

_My dear Grissom,_

_I want you to know that my decision to leave was not a spur of the moment thing. It is something that I have been considering for a while now, but everything just fell into place at once._

_I am so sorry that you had to find out from Director Carvallo, but please believe me when I say that it is better this way. I know that if I had talked to you face to face that I would waver and eventually be unable to leave, it wouldn't be the first time_

_._

(Grissom remembered when she had asked to leave once before and he had sent her a plant hoping to changer her mind.)

_You see Grissom, I can't seem to break this hold that you have on my heart and I know that leaving is the only way I can move forward. I have loved you for a long time, but I think you already know that._

(Once again Grissom's thoughts drifted back to a conversation where Sara had told him that he had always been more than a boss to her.)

_For a while I thought that maybe you felt the same way. But the fact that you don't feel that I'm worth the risk makes it so hard to stay in Vegas and work with you every day._

(Grissom's heart sank as he realised that she had heard his conversation with Dr. Lurie.)

_I can't handle the push and pull game you play Grissom, not anymore. It's too hard. I don't want to feel this way anymore._

_and be friends again. I think I would like that because you have always been an important part of my life._

_But now it is time for both of us to move on with our lives._

_Please tell everyone that I am so sorry for not saying goodbye, but I don't think I could have handled that._

_All my love._

_Sara._

Grissom put down the letter and took off his glasses. He could feel the beginnings of a headache behind his eyes.

"_What have I done?" _he thought.

He thought back to that moment in the interview room where he had told a suspect that he could not risk everything for love and he knew now that Sara had been there. How could he be so stupid? He was a coward that's why. Scared to take a chance at happiness, scared to admit to the one woman he cared about more than anything that he loved her.

As his eyes shone with unshed tears he remembered a conversation from the past.

"_I wish I was like you Grissom, I wish I didn't feel anything."_

But he did feel, and right now he felt like a drowning man. The one thing that kept him afloat in this sea of death and depravation was gone.

And it was all his fault.

TBC


	3. Sadly Missed

CHAPTER 2

_CHAPTER 2_

Grissom threw himself into his work. He also withdrew into himself. He no longer joined the rest of the team for breakfast after shift, and when he was not at work he spent his time alone at home or riding his beloved rollercoasters. He had aged in a matter of weeks and he was becoming a matter of concern to all those who worked with him.

Brass tried to get him to go out drinking with him. Figuring that if he could get him tanked he would open up. But he simply refused.

"I'm fine Jim. I know what you are trying to do and getting me drunk won't solve anything" he told his friend on numerous occasions.

Catherine tried by asking for his help with Lindsay. She knew his soft spot for her daughter and hoped that he would not refuse. He did spend some time with the two of them, but she could still not get him to open up. I mean she knew that the whole problem was that he loved Sara and that she was gone. But no matter how hard she tried she could not find out anything about why Sara had left. Though she had to admit, she had some idea.

"I'm not talking about it Catherine, can't you just let me enjoy this time with you and Lindsay?" He would tell her, every time she tried to bring it up.

Nick, Warrick and Greg avoided Grissom as much as possible. Despite the fact that he was fading before their very eyes, they were angry with their boss because they knew that he was the real reason Sara left and that anger overshadowed any sympathy that they felt towards him.

In fact, each of the three men had been in contact with Sara. Only via email though. But that was enough for the moment. Greg had been the one to track her down, eventually, with a little help from Archie. Once he had got over the initial shock that she would leave him without saying goodbye, he had gone to the AV tech and together they had spent the better part of a week tracking her down.

Once they had contact with her and were sure that she was all right, they decided that they would keep that information between the four of them. Anyway, Sara had pleaded with them not to tell anyone else once she had gotten over the shock of being found so quickly.

Greg remembered the first email from her. It had been an angry one. When he had replied that she had no right to be angry, that he and the others had more right to be angry at her, because she was the one that left without telling them she was going or why, she had replied with both an apology and an explanation. She had told him to pass it onto Nick and Warrick, but under no circumstances were they to mention her to Catherine or Grissom.

They had all agreed. However they knew that she was not telling them the full story behind her reasons for leaving. But that was her right, and they were more than happy with the fact that they at least had contact with her and that she was fine and seemed to be enjoying her new life.

In return they told her what was happening in Vegas, being sure to steer clear of anything pertaining to Grissom and his current state. She never asked, which was probably just as well because they were not sure how sure she would react if they told her just how poorly their boss was doing, so they kept the information general and light.

In the field, no-one could tell that Sara's departure had torn them apart inside.

They maintained their professionalism, the solve rate had dropped a little, but that was to be expected, after all they had lost one of the best CSI's the lab had ever had. The only really noticeable difference was that Grissom did not venture into the field as often and kept to himself in his office most shifts. The only one that was happy with this scenario was Ecklie who no longer had to pressure Grissom for reports or budget submissions.

Normality slowly returned to the graveyard shift as the weeks went by. Occasionally Sara would be mentioned and that would jar memories to the surface for all of them and as time passed they were even able to laugh at some of them. Grissom never mentioned Sara and no-one ever mentioned her name within his hearing.

TBC


	4. Of Bodies and Bugs

CHAPTER 3

A/N: Here comes the next instalment. Sorry for the mistakes in the last one, my computer skills leave a lot to be desired.

I forgot the disclaimer too, so, lets just make this a blanket one for the rest of the story. I don't own CSI or any of it's characters, I only own the ones I made up for this story.

Please review, it gives me encouragement and makes me feel better.

OF BODIES AND BUGS

On the other side of the country, well far enough away that it may as well have been, Sara had begun to settle into her new life.

She loved her new job, and the people she worked with were becoming like a family. Though the turnover of staff here was much higher than it had been in Vegas, the core personnel remained constant. She still missed everyone from Vegas, and though not seeing Grissom every day made life a bit easier, she still found herself thinking about him fondly.

It was about six months after she arrived in Washington that they had a case that involved bugs. Three decomposing bodies had been found in shallow graves about an hour outside the city, it was possible that they were a missing family that the FBI had been searching for. However there was no way to determine how long they had been dead without an entomological time line.

Sara's pager went off while she sipped he coffee in the break room.

_My office ASAP. Rod._

Sara grabbed her cup and headed to her boss's office. Two of her team mates were already there when she arrived and she sat in the last available seat.

"What's up Rod, we got a case?" She asked before taking another sip of her coffee.

"Don't let me interrupt you coffee break Sidle" he grinned at her. "Heaven forbid we deny you your life giving caffeine"

Sara poked her tongue out at him and everyone chuckled.

"Actually we do have a case" he told them. "We are working with missing persons on this one. Three bodies found in shallow graves. Been there a while, but we don't know how long. Missing persons wants to know if it's the family they have been looking for. Trouble is the only way we will be able to find out when they died is with some sort of entomological time line." He paused and looked at Sara whose face had gone pale.

"You ok Sara?" he asked concerned with her sudden pallor.

"Ah….Um… Yeah." She stammered an answer, causing the others in the office to look at her more closely.

"Ok. If you're sure"

Sara nodded so he continued.

"I wouldn't normally ask this, Sara, but do you think you could manage this. I know you worked a lot with Gil Grissom the entomologist, and I did try to get him out here, but apparently he has been in hospital for some time and won't be able to travel" at Sara's sudden intake of breath he shot her a quick look and noted that she had gone even paler. (If that was possible).

Allison was sitting next to Sara and she was suddenly afraid that Sara might pass out she had gone so white.

"Sara? What's wrong? You're as white as a ghost." She asked anxiously as she knelt down in front of her friend.

Taking a couple of deep calming breaths, Sara looked down at her hands and noticed they were shaking.

"It's ok Ally, I….ah…. just didn't know that Griss….Um… Grissom was ill that's all, No-one's mentioned it to me. I've just never known him to get sick. In fact I can't ever remember him with even a cold." She answered.

Taking another big breath and turned to her boss.

"I should be fine, Ally can help me with it if that's ok with her, I think her stomach can handle it. I did work a lot with Grissom and I should be able to manage." She told him.

"That's great Sara, if you do get stuck, they told me he is happy to help over the phone or via video link if you need it. Ok" he looked at all three of his team. "Off you go then, time is of the essence.

Sara hesitated in the doorway.

"Um…. Rod? Did you tell them who would be doing the time line here. I mean it doesn't really matter I guess, but um…." She trailed off and turned to go.

"Sara!" he spoke softly, causing her to turn to face him. "I didn't tell them a name. Actually they never really asked. Is this going to be a problem?"

"No. No I'll….It'll be fine. Ah….Thanks."

When Sara had left, he thought back on his conversation with Catherine Willows.

She hadn't asked the name of the person doing the time line, but when he told her that the person doing it had worked extensively with Gil Grissom, she had worked it out in a flash. Apparently there had only been one CSI in the last five years who had worked with Grissom a lot on the insects and she had left for a destination unknown about six months ago. She had mentioned Sara's name and Rod had just confirmed her suspicions. She explained a little of the history between Sara and her one time mentor, adding that when Sara had left Grissom's health had begun to deteriorate. If necessary she would act as an intermediary between Sara and Grissom if Sara had any problems or questions with the collection or time line.

"_Well" _he thought, _"I won't interfere yet. We'll see what happens"_

Sara and Allison were bent over the three bodies, as Richard, the third member of their team stood by and watched. Sara worked methodically as Grissom had taught her, moving from body to body, collecting a sample of the different types of insects on or surrounding each one.

"You're enjoying this aren't you Sara?" Allison asked as they moved from one body to the next.

"Yeah! I mean sometimes it still makes my stomach churn, but then I remember that with a correct time line we can find out when they died and that bit of information can nail the killer. I mean, these little bugs may be the only way to catch the guy who did this you know.?" She replied, it was hard to keep her enthusiasm out of her voice and her friend wasn't slow to pick up on it.

"Tell me about how you learnt all this. Tell me about Grissom" Ally asked, careful not to let Sara see her face. She had seen Sara's reaction to the news of Grissoms' illness and was curious.

"Well….." Sara hesitiated, but then her enthusiasm for the job got the better of her and she continued. "I used to accompany Griss a lot when he was doing a collection mainly because I was the only one on the team who didn't get squeamish around the bugs. I must have done a hundred of these with him. You can't help but learn when you are with him in the field, he's just a natural teacher."

Sara was warming to her subject now, Allison could tell, plus this was the first time Sara had ever said more than a few sentences at a time about her time in Vegas. She had also noticed that Sara had referred to him as Griss, not Grissom.

"He taught me to be thorough and methodical in my collections, not just of insects but of all evidence. We would collect all the insects needed and then go to the lab to compile the time line. You have to wait for the next stage of the insects, especially the flies to hatch and document the exact moment. It can take days for the time line to mature and it has to be watched continuously. That was something we would share. Give one another a break. I read a lot about entomology while I was in his office watching the bugs." She laughed then, thinking about his reaction to her calling them bugs.

"What's so funny" Allison prompted, hoping to gain a bit more insight into the relationship between Sara and her entomologist boss.

"Oh! Nothing really. I was just thinking of how cranky he got if I called them bugs to his face." Sara stopped talking then and turned her attention back to the task at hand. "Nearly done, hand me another bindle Ally please." she held her hand out but didn't turn around.

Allison watched as Sara collected the last of the insects and handed it to her. She remained squatting, her head resting on her hand. When she finally stood, she didn't say anything, just headed back to the car and climbed into the back.

Allison climbed in the drivers' seat and Richard hopped into the front passenger seat for the drive back to the city.

A couple of times Allison glanced in the rear vision mirror to catch Sara staring out the window. Once she thought she saw Sara wipe her eyes, as if she had been crying, but by the time they got back to the office Sara was once again her usual composed self, although the laughing Sara they were used to had not yet reappeared.

TBC


	5. The Truth?

CHAPTER 4

A/N: Ok folks here's the next instalment. Hope you like it. Thankyou to all those who have reviewed, it's great encouragement and truly appreciated.

Diclaimer: the usual, don't own anything CSI, only my own made up characters.

The Truth?

Over the course of the next few days, Sara saw very little of her apartment. The time line was going well and so far she had not hit any problems, much to her relief. She really wasn't sure how she would handle having to ask Grissom for help.

When the time line was finally completed, she collected all the data and arranged for copies to be sent to Grissom in Vegas for final checking. She was pretty sure that she had done everything correctly and waited eagerly for his reply.

"_You're pathetic Sidle" she chastised herself. "You leave to forget him and here you are waiting once again for his approval as if it's the most important thing ever, just like you always have."_

Rod had given Sara the next four days off, though she would be on call for urgent cases. She was going to catch up on some sleep and much needed house keeping chores.

She put on a load of laundry and made herself some dinner before settling in front of her computer to check her emails. There was one from Nick, three from Greg and one from Warrick.

The first one she opened was from Nick. It was newsy and light and she got a good laugh out of his stories of Greg's antics at both the lab and crime scenes. It made her really miss them when she got mail like this, but she also felt good that everyone was getting on with their lives.

Greg's first email also had funny stories. The second one was him trying to tell her that whatever Nick told her wasn't true. She just couldn't help herself, she laughed so hard over these three emails that the tears were streaming down her face and her stomach hurt.

Greg's third email was a little more subdued, there had been an incident at a crime scene and although no-one had been hurt, he needed to tell her. She figured he just needed someone who was not there to talk to. Her heart skipped a beat as she read the details, but she relaxed as she realised it was just Greg needing to talk like he used to when he had a problem. She replied to him and by the time she had finished she hoped she had given him the reassurance he obviously needed. She couldn't help but wonder why he hadn't talked it out with Grissom because he was usually a great ear for that type of thing. She added a little note at the end asking him that exact question, all the time wondering if he would tell her.

Thinking about it, she realised that they never really mentioned Grissom in their correspondence. They occasionally mentioned Catherine and Lindsay, but never Grissom.

Why? Did they think she wouldn't be able to handle it if they told her about him. Maybe they didn't want to tell her how well he had moved on since she left. Did he even know the guys were in touch with one her? She didn't think so but she made a mental note to ask next time.

Warrick's email was not like the others, as soon as she started to read she knew something was wrong.

Unlike the others, Warrick did not confine himself to the lighter things. He threw in a mention that the lab had been quiet without Grissom, without saying why he was not there. They had two new members on their team, something that neither Nick or Greg had mentioned.( Maybe they thought that would upset her.) But still, even he did not mention Grissom's illness and that made her even more curious.

If anyone would tell her what was going on it would be Warrick. He had never been able to lie to her and he always gave an honest opinion when asked a question. Right now, Sara was worried enough to want to know what was going on. So with some trepidation she took out her cell phone and punched in Warrick's number.

"_Brown"_

"Hey Warrick" Sara let out the breath she hadn't realised she was holding.

"_Sara? Well I'll be damned! Wait are you all right? Is something wrong?"_

He sounded panicky so Sara hastened to reassure him.

"I'm ok Warrick, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to talk to you" she hesitated before continuing. "Warrick is everything ok out there? I mean all you guys ever tell me is the funny stuff. Talk to me Warrick, I want to know what's going on."

"_I told them you'd work it out" he chuckled._

"_Look Sara we know you had your reasons for leaving and we know that Grissom played a pretty big part in that decision. We figured you didn't need to worry about what was happening here while you settled in there. You know what I mean?"_

"I do Warrick and I thank you, but I know that something is going on. I know that Grissom has been ill."

She heard his quick intake of breath, but kept going.

"Did you know that my boss spoke to Catherine about Grissom coming here to do an insect time line? They asked me to do it because Grissom was too sick to travel" her voice caught then and she stopped talking as she regained her composure.

"Why didn't one of you at least tell me he was ill Warrick?" There was an accusatory tone to her voice.

"_I'm so sorry Sara that you had to find out that way. Look I know that you have or maybe had feelings for Grissom, but we figured you left to deal with that and the last thing you needed was to hightail it back here when he got sick. Besides we didn't think it was so bad, it kind of escalated" he told her quietly._

"Talk to me Warrick please? I want to know. I thought I was handling this distance thing ok, but then the insect thing happened and well it just brought back too many memories. I'm moving forward, but it's harder than I thought, I still worry about all of you, even Grissom."

She paused before speaking once more.

"Tell me everything Warrick, start from when I left and don't leave anything out because I will find out."

She heard him sigh and the sound of him pulling out a chair. So she settled herself on her couch and waited. There was a brief pause as though he was gathering his thoughts and then she heard him take a deep breath before he started.

"_Ok Sara. When you left Grissom changed, a lot. He started spending more time in his office and less time in the field. It got to the point where he was only going out if he had to._

_He stopped coming to breakfast. Everyone tried to get him to do things, but he wouldn't. The only thing he did do was spend a little time with Catherine, but only if Lindsay was there._

_It was like he just didn't want to be near us any more. He aged Sara, right before our eyes. He was working doubles and triples, was like he didn't care about anything but work anymore. _

_This had been going on for about two months when Catherine noticed that he was starting to look unwell, not just tired. You know? Anyway about a week or so later he took a couple of days off with a cold."_

Sara made a noise like across between a snort and a moan, he would never take time off just for a cold. Didn't they know that? Grissom never got sick and he never took time off.

Warrick heard the noise but kept on talking.

"_Anyway, he came back to work, he wasn't any different to usual, and so nobody was too worried. _

_Then a few days later Catherine found him in his office slumped over his desk. When she finally roused him he was mumbling and muttering and he was burning up. We finally took him home, because there was no way he would go to a hospital._

_Two days later he was just getting worse and his breathing was not good. Catherine called in to check on him, called an ambulance and sent him to hospital. He had bilateral pneumonia and a collapsed lung. It's taken the better part of two months for him to come good. His immune system must have been shot. I guess all those doubles and triples he worked after you left took their toll._

_Anyway, even though he's a lot better, he is apparently still getting short of breath and so he is not allowed to come back to work for a few more weeks."_

By now Warrick could hear Sara trying to control her sobs, gentle though they were he could still hear them, and it broke his heart.

"_Sara? Oh,Sara this is not your fault you understand?. He ran himself into the ground not you. Maybe your leaving was the catalyst? I don't know, but he could have chosen to deal with it differently." _ He paused a second, trying to get the words right.

"_You still have feelings for him don't you Sara? I mean, I know you never said it in so many words, but we kinda knew. Moving there hasn't really fixed anything has it honey?"_ The only response was muffled crying on the other end.

"_You need to talk to him Sara. The only way you can fix this is to talk. Maybe he feels the same way, his behaviour sure points in that direction."_

Sara tried to control herself so that she could speak, but it took an effort. For all that she wanted to deny it, what he was saying was the truth.

"I know Warrick, but see that's just it; we don't seem to be able to talk anymore."

"_Why don't you try email? That way you are not going to cut one another off before it all gets said. I know you girl, sometimes no-one can get a word in when there's a Sidle Tsunami in full swing."_

Despite herself, Sara let out a laugh, he was probably right.

"You know what Warrick? I think that might be a good way to go. Um…. Thanks. I mean I shouldn't have put you on the spot like that but I knew you would tell me the truth and not hedge around it."

"_No problem. I really am sorry we didn't tell you sooner. Any way, any time you need to talk you just call. Ok? I got to go now Sara; it's almost time for shift to start."_

"Bye Warrick and thanks. Say hi to the others for me. Let then know I will be talking to them."

He chuckled at the veiled threat.

"_Bye Sara, take care"_

As Sara went through her nightly routine preparing for bed her mind was reeling from thought to thought. She wasn't sure if she should feel angry at Grissom for not taking care of himself, or if she be feeling the twinges of guilt for leaving as she had.

As she finally climbed into bed, Sara was aware that she probably would not sleep as well as she would like.


	6. Chapter 6

CHAPTER 5

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed. Keep them coming please.

Hope you enjoy this chapter.

A Second Chance?

Grissom reached for the pile of files that Catherine had dropped off yesterday and sat on his couch. Settling back into the cushions, he let out a sigh.

He wished he could get back to work. Not just doing paperwork at home, but real work, out in the field, though it would still be a while before that was possible according to his doctor.

He knew he had been stupid to ignore his illness, but work was the best way he knew how to forget. So he threw himself into his work. Trouble is it hadn't really been successful. Once everyone stopped asking him if he was ok and trying to get him to go out with them, they had gone the other way and almost ignored him.

Well maybe that was a bit harsh, he knew they hadn't done that, but the invitations stopped and they pretty much left him alone. He knew he had scared them, hell, he'd scared himself. So now they were regular visitors, making sure he was ok, keeping him up to date with the lab and bringing him work to do at home.

Grissom knew he should be grateful, but the one thing he wanted they never brought him. He was positive that Greg, Nick or Warrick were sure to have been in touch with Sara, but they never let on. Maybe that was because they blamed him for her leaving, and even though he knew that they were probably right, it hurt.

Pushing these thoughts aside he focused on the files in front of him. He picked up the first two and put them aside, he had already made some notes on those and needed to discuss them with Nick later. He pulled a pile of papers from a large padded bag and glanced at the note that Catherine had stuck to the top piece.

_Please check this report from Washington FBI on entomological timeline. If there are any problems let me know so that I can liaise with them_

_Catherine._

As he read through the report and studied the photos, Grissom was pleasantly surprised. Whoever did this was very good. There was no name attached, it was just marked as from the Washington crime scene unit of the FBI.

His interest piqued, Grissom decided to read the report in more depth, taking his time. By the time he was on the third page which held the entomological time line he was struck by the familiarity. It was almost as if he had done this report himself.

His heart jumped in his chest and he felt himself breathing more rapidly. Could it be? Could Sara have done this? It had to be her. No-one else would show so many similarities in the presentation of the evidence to himself. She had assisted him so many times that she would be able to do the entire thing on her own, which would explain the similarities to his own reporting methods.

Setting aside the report, Grissom made his way to the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator. He retraced his steps to the couch and picking up the report headed for his office and the computer.

He sent off a report to the FBI, letting them know that nothing needed to be changed, that the findings were correct and conclusive. Once that was done he checked his inbound mail. For the second time that morning his heart jumped and his breath caught in his throat as her name appeared on the screen.

Rubbing his hand over his face, Grissom realised that he was scared to open it. It had been six months with no contact and now twice in one day she had invaded his world. Taking a deep breath, he opened her email, at once wanting to read it so badly but so terrified at what it might say.

_Hello Grissom,_

_I can guess that you are surprised to hear from me after so long. In fact I'm surprised myself that I am doing this, but I need to do this._

_What the hell do you think you were doing?_

_Were you trying to kill yourself or was it just an oversight for you, to take care of yourself?_

_Do you know how it felt to be told by my boss that you were too ill to travel and not know why?_

_How many times have you told me not to work so hard?_

_How many times have you made me go home when I didn't want to because I was sick? _

_So it's ok for you to make me/us look after ourselves but not you?_

_I don't know who I am angrier at, you for obviously not caring about yourself or your team for not seeing what was going on. They must be blind._

Grissom stopped reading for a moment, taking in the anger in her words. How dare she rant and rave at him when she was the one that left and caused all the problems in the first place. He was getting angry himself, and considered not reading any further but the next line stopped him.

_I'm sorry Grissom._

_I'm sorry for ranting at you (though I must say I feel a little better now)._

_I know I probably have no right to be angry at you, especially after the way I left and I'm sure you're feeling angry yourself right now. You know? I thought I could just forget everything when I left. But I guess you can't just turn off feelings can you?_

_You scared me. Did you know that?_

_Maybe the way I left was not the best way when I think back on it but I won't apologise for that. At the time it was by far the best option to take because I knew you would try to convince me to stay and I really could not have dealt with that again. We would have just ended up not speaking to each other again. _

_We hadn't been able to talk for a while had we Griss? I guess that was both our faults. Someone told me recently that it's hard to get a word in edgeways during a full blown Sidle Tsunam and maybe they are righti. But I have to say you are not the greatest communicator either. I guess we really are socially inept._

Grissom felt his anger waning and his mouth turned up in a small smile at the thought of the many Sidle Tsunami's he had witnessed.

_Do you think that maybe we could improve our conversational skills this way? You know via email. I mean, we have really never been able to talk well face to face. This way feels safe. No confrontations. We would have to be honest with each other though, don't you think. Maybe we can start over, forget the mistakes of the past few years and get back the friendship we once had._

_What do you think Griss? Should we give it a go? _

_If I don't receive a reply I will understand. _

_Sara_

Grissom read the message several times. She didn't hate him. She wanted to try again, beginning at friendship and if this was the way to get it back, he was willing to try too.

For too long he had denied his feelings for Sara and it came back and bit him in the ass well and truly. In fact it surprised him that she was apologising to him at all. He deserved her anger, he had been a fool, but here she was, the one offering the proverbial olive branch. Now he had the chance to remedy things and he was going to take the opportunity he had been offered and make every effort to fix what he had broken.


	7. The Pact

Chapter 6

A/N: Reviews are wonderful, thankyou to all who have done so. Please keep them coming.

A Pact Is Made

It had been three days since Sara sent Grissom the email. She hadn't meant to start off the way she did, but she had to admit it probably got his attention and as she had told him she did feel better after venting.

The last three days had been hectic with the murder of a man in the witness protection program. Those were the worst possible cases the FBI could get because there was always a lot of negative attention focused on often the wrong person. That always meant a need for speed and absolute accuracy in the collection, processing and reporting of evidence. This case had been no different and she was relieved to be able to come home and relax.

Opening up her mail account she was both pleased and a little apprehensive to see that Grissom had indeed replied. In fact it appeared that he had replied straight away.

Taking a sip of her coffee Sara opened his message.

_From_

_g.grissom_

_To_

_s.sidle_

_Hello Sara,_

_To say I was surprised to hear from you would be an understatement. I thought that you had left my life for good._

_I'm sorry that you had to find out in a round about way that I have been ill and I'm sorry if it scared you. It should please you to know that I am well and truly on the mend, even if I am not yet allowed to work. Please don't feel sorry for feeling angry at me, I know that I thoroughly deserved it. Not only have I been an idiot with myself, but with everyone else as well._

_You are not the only one who has been left out of the loop (so to speak), as I have just learnt that Catherine knew where you were. It would not surprise me to find that the boys have been in contact with you also, as I know your relationship with each of them has always been a close on. They never gave me any indication that they were and I accept that it is solely their choice and probably yours too._

_You are right about me not taking care of myself. Though I think it was truly more of an oversight, than 'intentionally trying to kill myself' as you put it. That was just my way of trying to forget._

_Do you know how hard that is?_

_Stupid question, if you had found it easy to forget I would not be sending you this._

_Every time I was at a crime scene some little thing would remind me of you and I would think 'I must show Sara' or 'Sara would like this case' or 'I'm glad Sara is not here to see this'. It became such a distraction that I stopped going out into the field unless I really had to. I buried myself in my work and yes I did over do it. Perhaps if you had been here to notice, you would have pulled me back, like you have done in the past. But that's a moot point._

_I know you think that I never listened to you, but I did listen and whether you know it or not you pulled me back from the edge many times Sara and for that I am grateful._

_What I did, I did to myself and you should never feel guilty for my actions._

_Are you taking care of yourself Sara?_

_I hope you are not working too many doubles and triples. I hope there is someone there who will notice your intensity and drive and not allow you to become so involved in a case that you forget to eat or sleep. Yes I know it's the pot calling the kettle black, but I know you._

_I am sorry that I did not notice how bad things had become for you Sara. I wish with all my heart that I had been a better friend to you. You may think I was never listening, but I was, it's just that I never know the right thing to say to you. You often render me speechless. Did you know that? No-one else can do that to me Sara. By the time I get my head around what you are saying to me it is too late and you are gone._

_I don't blame you, I blame me. 'Poor people skills' so Catherine tells me._

Sara laughed when she read that. Catherine had said that to him so many times in the past. As for rendering him speechless, that was a surprise, she had honestly thought he was not listening or just didn't care enough to answer.

_I want to fix this Sara, this thing between us. If this is going to be the way we do it then I am all for it._

_Before I go there are two things I want to tell you._

_Firstly I do have feelings, though I may not readily show them. In particular I have feelings for you Sara; I guess that I always have, I have just never been able to convince myself of that fact. When you left, it forced me to look at myself and what I did to you and I did not like what I saw and I told myself that if I had the chance I would never repeat my mistakes. Well I'm certainly going to try if you will let me._

Sara blinked back tears when she read that. Why did she have to leave to get him to admit it? Why couldn't he have admitted it before and saved them both a lot of heart ache. Well it would take a lot more than just that admission for them to move forward, but it was a start. She just didn't think she wanted to go into that just yet. We need to start at friends. She went back to the letter.

_Secondly, I want you to know that I am so proud of the way you tackled your recent triple murder case. I could not find fault in your insect time- line or your results. Well done Sara. You are the consummate CSI. _

_Washington and the FBI are lucky to have you._

_Yours_

_Grissom._

Sara felt the unmistakable flutter of pleasure at Grissom's praise and realised that, deny it as she tried, she still needed his approval. She frowned when she read the last few lines. How the hell did he know it was her that did the insect collection and report? She had not included her name.

"_Well, Grissom is one of the finest criminologists in the country after all, so I shouldn't really be surprised that he worked it out." _ She thought to herself.

Wait, what had Grissom said '_I only just learnt that Catherine knew where you were'_. How did Catherine know?

"Rod" she growled his name out loud. He must have told Catherine. But he said he hadn't. Why would he lie?

"Tomorrow that boss of mine is going to answer some questions whether he likes it or not" she told the computer as she logged off.


	8. Some Questions Answered?

Chapter 7

A/N: Thanks once again for the reviews, it's encouraging. I try to get the chapters up regularly but sometimes work interferes.

Disclaimer: You know, the usual, don't own any of the characters except the ones I made up.

Some Questions Answered?

When Sara arrived at work the next morning she headed for the locker room and put away her gear. Next stop was the break room, where she poured herself a coffee before heading off down the corridor to the supervisor's office.

At Sara's knock, Rod put down his pen and gave her a welcoming smile.

"Good morning sunshine, you're early."

"Yeah…. Can I talk to you Rod?" she asked entering the office and taking the chair across from him.

"Always Sara. What's up?" he asked.

Sara caught the hint of concern in his voice and hastened to reassure him.

"Oh! It's nothing major. Well not major for you, but maybe major for me. I mean there's nothing really wrong…." She broke of as she realised she was rambling, something she did when she was nervous or unsure of herself.

Rod raised his eyebrows, he had never met this Sara before and it intrigued him He wondered what on earth had got her worked up. He didn't say anything though; content to let her continue when she was ready.

Sara took a deep breath before continuing.

"I need to ask you something and I want you to tell me the truth. Ok? Did you lie to me when you told me that you did not tell Catherine Willows who had done the insect time line?" she spoke rapidly, well aware of the fact that she was accusing her boss of lying.

His initial reaction was one of anger, then he looked at her flushed face and realised that it had not been an easy question for her to ask and that his answer was important to her.

"Not exactly" he raised his hand to forestall the imminent interruption. "Let me finish Sara. When I spoke to Ms Willows I told her that the person handling the investigation had worked extensively with Dr. Grissom in the past and I guess she put two and two together because she asked if it was you and before I realised what I was doing I had confirmed it. I'm sorry if that was the wrong thing to do Sara." he finished looking closely at her.

"No…that's…..Yeah that's ok. I mean I know Catherine and she's pretty good at getting any information she wants, did she say anything else?" Sara asked, hoping that Catherine had not.

"Nothing other than offering to be a liaison between us and Dr. Grissom. I guess he is just too ill to do it himself. Look Sara, I know that it's none of my business but if there is a problem, you know, with Ms. Willows knowing where you are then I am sorry. I was under the impression that you came here to further your career, if that was not the reason, that's ok. Just know that I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything."

Sara knew she probably needed to give him some sort of explanation, but she was not ready to tell him exactly why she left Vegas.

"No…No there is no problem, really. It's just, well I know Catherine, and I know how….persuasive….she can be._(And how nosy she can be) _Sara thought.

" I did want to further my career and things were piling up on me in Vegas. I just needed a change like I told you during the interview. I…I hadn't told her where I was going and I was just waiting to get settled before I let everyone know where I am."

Sara hoped he would accept that explanation.

"That's ok then. Well if there's nothing else I can help you with I need to get on with this paperwork, I swear it's multiplying on its own." He raised his eyes to hers. "Sara?'

He had sounded so like Grissom then that Sara couldn't help but smile at him.

"I would never deliberately lie to you or anyone else on this team. You know that don't you?"

"Um…yeah, I'm sorry, I do, really, it's just…." She trailed off and stood to leave. "I'll be finishing off the paperwork for the Randwick case if you need me, I'll have it for you to sign off by end of shift" she smiled again as he rolled his eyes at the prospect of even more paper work.

After she had gone, he stared at the doorway for a while. He was sure there was a lot more to the story than that, especially because of the way she had acted. He had never seen Sara Sidle hesitate over anything. That's what made her such an asset to his team. Still, she had already been here for six months and he had to admit he was curious as to why she hadn't already told everyone where she was. But that was her business; he would just have to wait until Sara was ready to tell him.

He did not pry into his teams private lives unless it affected their performance and he would not start now. He would however keep a watch on Sara, he had already realised that this energetic and intense woman could become immersed in a problem to the detriment of her own health.

At roughly the same time in Las Vegas, Grissom was having a conversation with Catherine on a pretty mush the same subject. She had dropped off some more files and was taking time out to share a coffee with him

"Catherine, did you know that it was Sara who had the lead on this case?" he asked her as he shoved the file across the table to her.

A look of shock briefly passed over Catherine's face; it was not often she was ambushed by Grissom.

"Umm…..What makes you think it's Sara Gil?" it didn't take her long to recover from his surprise question when she saw which file it was. "I'm sure there are plenty of people capable of doing that sort of thing."

Grissom looked at her as if she had two heads.

"Mmm…. Maybe! Did you know that there is not one mistake in this report? That in itself is unusual. But this report reads like one I have written" he paused and studied her face. "Don't you think that's a bit odd? The only person I know of with the knowledge to do this mistake free and write it up like me is Sara, because she is the only one who has worked with me extensively enough" he waited for her reply. When she didn't speak straight away he glared at her and asked her the question she had hoped he would not.

"How long have you known where she is Catherine? Am I the only one to not know?"

The sorrow in his voice was evident.

Catherine sighed. She knew she would have to own up. She had to hand it to him he certainly had not lost his edge. His investigative intuition was right up there still.

"Yes Gil, I did know it was Sara. But before you go off at me let me explain."

Grissom nodded for her to continue, his anger at her admission kept firmly in check. For the moment.

"When the FBI called, you had just got out of hospital and there was no way you would be able to go to Washington. They couldn't get anyone else and when they told me they had someone who had worked with you extensively in the past I put two and two together and came up with Sara" Catherine paused to see his reaction and when he just nodded again she continued.

"It was actually her boss that I was talking to and he confirmed my suspicions. I told him that you were not well enough to deal with it but if there were any problems that I would liaise with you. I figured you did not need any more stress Gil. Let's face it, you were a wreck when Sara left, you did not need……."

"Don't you think that is for me to decide Catherine? Not you. It's bad enough that Nicky, Greg and Warrick have been in touch with her……" he stopped speaking when he saw the look on her face.

"Yes Catherine," he sighed. "I know that they have kept in touch. I would have expected nothing less They are her friends. Why they felt it necessary to keep it from me I don't know, but I'm sure they had their reasons. I thought you were my best friend, Cath? Do you want to tell me why you kept it from me or should I guess?" he could not keep the anger from his voice as he glared at her.

Looking a little uncomfortable, Catherine could not bring herself to look directly at him as she answered. Before he could continue she spoke, her voice quiet.

"I am your friend Gil. It was intended to spare you any more hurt. I saw what it did to you when Sara left. We all did. It turned you into a recluse; you became a tired, worn out shell." She paused, frowning at him.

"Let's face it, Gil, you didn't even want to go out in the field. I know how much you love your job. It's always been your life's work. For God's sake, you made yourself so ill you almost died. I figured if Sara wanted you to know where she was she would have told you. I'm sorry, maybe it was wrong of me, but I would do it again in a flash to protect you from yourself if I had to. Please believe me I only did it because at the time it felt like the best thing to do for you."

There was an almost pleading quality to her voice by the time she had finished and Grissom realised that she was telling the truth, that she truly believed what she had done was the right thing and also that she really did care about him.

With a smile he reached out and took her hand resting on the table and gave it a gentle squeeze, his anger all but gone, he felt Catherine relax.

"I think I understand why you didn't tell me. I guess I forgot that there are many ways to show friendship" he told her reassuringly before continuing.

"You might be interested to know that Sara contacted me a few days ago. She was…. concerned….about my illness and must have coerced one of the boys into giving her the details" he paused and Catherine had to smile at the grimace that showed briefly on his face before he gave her a grin .

"She told you off didn't she?" Catherine interrupted him, a smile on her own face at his expression.

"You…could….say that" he replied, with a laugh.

Catherine watched him. It was the first time in months she had seen a smile on his face, let alone heard him laugh. God! What had they done? Maybe if he had known where Sara was, and that she was ok he would have taken better care of himself.

It's true what they say about twenty- twenty vision in hindsight.

She would have a talk to the boys when she got back to the lab. For now she was just glad that their friendship was intact and she was relieved that he was a little happier.

She was startled out of her thoughts by his next statement.

"We are going to try to repair our friendship long distance via email" he told her.

"It may take some time but I'm hoping we can fix it, at least we are both going to give it a try.

"That's wonderful Gil, I'm glad you have talked to her. I hope it works out" she told him and she really meant it. Those two were made for each other; they just had to work that out for themselves.

"I gotta go; Nick will be by in the morning to go over those reports with you. Call if you need anything ok?" She stood and headed towards the door.

"Gil?" she turned to look at him from the door.

He raised his head from the file he was looking at and raised his eyebrow in question.

"I really am glad you know. Just don't mess it up this time" she told him.

He nodded at her.

"I won't Catherine. Believe me I won't"

The door closed and Catherine headed to her car. She had heard the sincerity in his voice and hoped with all her heart that it all worked out. As she headed home, she couldn't help but smile when she thought about the reaction she was going to get when she told the guys about this conversation.


	9. Coming Clean

Chapter 8

A/N: Welcome to the next instalment. I hope you enjoy. Thanks for all those who continue to give me support. I am loving it.

Disclaimer: Once again I admit that I don't own anything CSI. It's so sad.

Coming Clean

Catherine was not able to talk to the others until breakfast after shift. Las Vegas decided to turn on the crime that night and they had barely seen each other after assignments were handed out. In fact it had been a long time since they had all had to go solo on cases due to the sheer number of them. So it was that a series of phone calls ensured that they would all meet at the diner for breakfast and to talk.

They settled into their favourite booth and placed their orders. No-one spoke until they had all taken a grateful sip of their coffee.

"Ok Cath, what is this all about?" Warrick asked the question that was on all their minds.

"We need to talk about Grissom" she stated, glancing at all three in turn.

"Is something wrong? He isn't coming back is he? I knew it. I….." Greg's ramblings were cut off by Nick's hand on his arm.

"Let her finish man" he told him.

"I called in to see Grissom after shift yesterday and he told me that he knew it was Sara that did the bug infested case he had been sent by the Washington FBI and he accused me of knowing where she was all along."

She was not surprised to see matching looks of worry on their faces so she held up her hand to keep them quiet.

"He wanted to know why we…." she broke off and gestured around the table to include all of them. "Why we, even though I only found out a few weeks ago, didn't tell him that we knew where she was or that we had been in contact."

"How did he know for sure it was Sara?" Greg asked.

"You said he guessed that she was in Washington with the FBI because of one particular case, I mean he only guessed right?" Nick pointed out. "What would have made him think we were in contact with Sara anyway, or know where she is?"

"He said he knew it was Sara by the way the report was written Greg. He said it had no mistakes in it and it could have been written by him." She told the youngest member of the team.

"And he's not stupid Nick." She continued, glaring at the Texan. "He knows how close you guys and Sara are. I guess he figured that you would find her and contact her eventually."

The look Catherine gave them made them feel uncomfortable.

"Come on guys, even when he's sick Grissom is still the best CSI around. Plus he knows you all pretty well."

Nick, Greg and Warrick all nodded in agreement.

"Wait a sec! Am I to assume that the reason we are all here is because you told him that he was right, that Sara is in Washington with the FBI?" Greg paused, a slightly puzzled look on his face. "I mean, does he know for sure we know where she is or is he just guessing, because if he's just guessing then we are in the clear." He looked around the table.

Catherine chuckled at Greg's expression. "He knows for sure Greg. Sara told him."

She sat back in her seat, a grin on her face as she watched various emotions flash over their faces. Greg was horrified and then looked scared. Nick looked shocked and then resignation settled in. It was Warrick's expression that had her intrigued though.

After the initial shock his mouth had curved up into a smile. Why was Warrick smiling?

Catherine had an idea why, so she asked the question.

"It was you, wasn't it Warrick?"

Greg and Nick looked from Warrick to Catherine and then settled back on Warrick. Now they were confused.

When he nodded, the smile never leaving his face, she knew why, though by the expressions on the faces of the other two they didn't have a clue what was going on.

"Grissom told me Sara ripped him a new one for not taking care of himself. You can feel proud of yourself Warrick because he also told me they were going to try to repair their friendship." She smiled at him but the smile didn't reach her eyes.

"You want to know the best thing. He had a smile on his face when he told me, he even laughed about her telling him off. That's the first time I have seen him smile in more than six months."

They waited for her to continue.

"The thing is…..could we have prevented everything that has happened in the last few months if you had just told him that Sara was ok, or where she was?"

Warrick shook his head.

"I don't think it would have made a lot of difference Cath. I think it was Sara's leaving that was the problem, where or how she was, wasn't the issue. She left and she took a piece of Grissom with her, you know? I guess he knew he'd blown it and that must'a hurt bad. He chose the direction he took when she left, I don't think that knowing where she was would have changed a thing."

Nick, Greg and Catherine stared at him. Finally Nick put his hand on his friend's shoulder.

" Wow 'Rick, when did you get so insightful man?"

Greg shook his head before adding, "Well, I for one hope it works and we can get the old Grissom back because I sure as hell don't like the one we got now."

"That's for sure" Catherine and Nick said at the same time.

"Well, I guess only time will tell. Come on let's go get some sleep." Warrick said as he stood to leave.

They paid for the meals they had hardly touched and headed to their cars then home, each thinking about what they had discussed and the possible outcome.


	10. Between Friends

Chapter 9

A/N Thankyou to everyone who has reviewed and to those who have added it to alerts and favourites. Still a couple more chapters till some more GSR. Sorry! I will try to get the new chapters up a bit quicker, but I work shift work so sometimes it takes a bit longer than I intend.

Disclaimer: Don't own CSI, maybe if I did I wouldn't have to work nights.

Between Friends

Unfortunately for Sara it was almost a week before she could reply to Grissom's email.

They were busy going over a couple of cold cases that were about to be re-opened. It was tiring work, mostly research and backtracking over old evidence, but they had managed to pull out a couple of new leads that were being followed up. Thankfully their job was done for now and they could take a little time for themselves, at least until the next active case.

Sara grabbed a coffee and settled herself in front of her computer once more to reply to Grissom. She hadn't really thought about what she would say. Basically she hoped it would just come to her as she typed.

_To_

_g.grissom_

_From_

_s.sidle_

_Hey Grissom,_

_Wow have we had a busy time this last week. A couple of old cold cases are about to be re-opened and they had us sifting through the mountains of evidence. They were not the most interesting cases I have dealt with, but they certainly kept us going. It was worth it though because we turned up some new leads that are being followed up as I write._

_It's starting to get quite cold here now. I don't mind though, in fact I think I'm quite looking forward to the snow when it comes. I used to love to wrap up in layers and go for walks. Only thing is I'm going to have to go shopping for a whole new winter wardrobe, the things I brought from Vegas won't be warm enough._

_This seems a bit weird, I mean, the weather is such a mundane topic, but that's what friends chat about isn't it? That and what's going on with their daily lives._

_I haven't had much time to suss out the city yet. Being a day walker is great after years of night shift, but it doesn't leave much time for sight seeing. I have found some great restaurants though. Most of them have a pretty good vegetarian _

_menu too. I haven't found a Chinese restaurant as good as the one I used to frequent in Vegas though, but hopefully soon._

_Please don't think that I am avoiding talking about us Grissom, I'm not really._

_I have taken to heart what you told me in your email and I am proud of you for taking what must have been (for you) a huge step in opening up to me. But you have to understand that even though my head knows you mean what you say; my heart is still a little mistrusting. I hope you understand. I just want to take this slowly. Ok? _

_We need to do this right. _

_I will say that I understand what you meant by things at crime scenes reminding you of me. I have had the same problem, though for me it was not just you. I keep being reminded of Greg, Nick, Warrick and Catherine too. Guess that makes it just that much harder, because when I left I left all of you behind._

_I shouldn't be surprised that you worked out that it was me that did the time-line. You taught me everything I know about entomology (which I admit isn't a lot) including how to do the time-lines and document the information. _

_For that I Thankyou. You always were and still are an amazing teacher._

_How long before the doctors let you back to work Griss? I gather that you are doing some work from home, but I bet you're still as frustrated as hell having to stay home. I know I would be. _

_On that note I'll sign off, sleep beckons. (Yes I do sleep)_

_Sara_

Reading over what she had written Sara found herself quite satisfied and hit the send button.

After closing down her computer for the night, she stood and looked around her apartment. When she had first arrived in Washington, she had only unpacked the necessities, leaving most reminders of her time in Las Vegas still in their boxes. With a sigh and a smile, Sara decided that now might be as good a time as any to sort through it all, maybe some of it could see the light of day.

It took her only a few minutes to find them tucked away in the hall closet.

It took her a lot longer to sort through the boxes and decide what she wanted to put out and where to put it. Each item she pulled out brought back memories, most of them pleasant and a few more sombre.

Three hours later she was done. The few photos and other items now gracing the room looked good. She had managed to find a place for everything she wanted to keep out. Even Sara had to admit, it looked more lived in now. The last two photos she took with her to her bedroom and placed them side by side on her chest of drawers, where she would see them best. The first was a group photo, taken at a Christmas party a year or so ago. Everyone was in it, including Sara herself and they all wore happy smiles. The other was of her and Grissom, taken at the same party. They stood close together and were each holding up a drink as if in toast to each other and smiling broadly.

It still hurt a little to look at that photo Sara admitted, but she hoped that time would lessen that feeling and that one day they could get back the easy camaraderie they had felt back then.

With one last look at the two photos, Sara headed off to get ready for bed, feeling a bit more optimistic towards the future.


	11. Reflections and Revelations

Chapter 10

A/N: Thanks again for your feedback, I welcome constructive criticism as well as reviews.

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything CSI or related to it.

Reflections and Revelations.

Grissom had been eagerly waiting all week for Sara's correspondence.

He knew he was acting like a love sick fool, but he just couldn't help it, he missed her and this was his only connection to. Each time he had checked his email, he couldn't help the feeling of disappointment when there was nothing from her. He smiled to himself at the thought.

This last week had given him the opportunity to think about a lot of things.

Actually admitting that he was in love with Sara Sidle had been a big step for him. He knew that he had been denying it for far too long and in the process had hurt not only Sara but himself and everyone else he cared about. Finally admitting it had actually brought a form of relief.

He knew that he'd put his team through hell since Sara had left, particularly the last few months while he had been sick. He had to admit, he had not been thinking about anything other than the fact that she was gone and how much it hurt. He knew he had withdrawn from his friends, despite their attempts to help him and he sincerely regretted that.

He wondered when they had actually stopped trying to reach him.

As far as his health was concerned he truthfully had not noticed the decline. He had just thrown himself into work, until it had got to the point where he was actually unwell enough that he could no longer ignore it. Even if he hadn't been aware that he actually was ignoring it. Trouble is, by then he was so ill he'd ended up in hospital.

The team had been very supportive, despite how he had treated them and for that he would be eternally in their debt. He knew they had been protecting Sara by not telling him they were in contact, but now he realised that they had also been attempting to protect him. They really were his family, and thinking how badly he had treated each and everyone of them made him feel like the worst kind of ass.

He would try to make it up to them somehow, and give each and every one of them his sincere apology. Perhaps he could take them all out for a meal? Or better yet invite them here to his home.

His energy levels were returning to normal extremely slowly and that was one of his biggest frustrations. He was not used to sitting idle for long periods of time and especially hated the times when sleep seemed to sneak up on him, leaving him to wake stiff and sore after falling asleep at his desk or in the arm chair.

At times he wondered if he would ever regain his former energy levels and he had to admit that it worried him somewhat. What if he could never return fully to the field?

If he was truthful with himself, did he really want to? He had lost his enthusiasm for his job over the last six months, Though he realised a lot of that had to do with the absence of Sara; he couldn't help but wonder if he would ever regain it.

There had always been an eagerness about Sara, a dedication and commitment to finding the answers that often refreshed his own waning enthusiasm without him realising it was even happening. Now that she was no longer there, he was sure no-one else would be able to fulfil that task.

He hated the administrative duties, all that paperwork when he could have been engaged in much more worthwhile activities. The political aspect was even more distasteful and Grissom was the first to admit that he sucked at that side of his job. That's why he always handed the high profile cases to Catherine, even though it rubbed the other members of his team the wrong way more often than not.

If he decided not to continue in his position as supervisor, he knew that Catherine was more than ready to continue in the supervisory position permanently, and that was actually a source of relief, that if he left he would not be sticking his team with a stranger. The powers that be at the Lab would be happy to acquiesce to his request for Catherine to take over the nightshift; he knew that, they were well aware of his political ineptitude.

The more he thought about it the more he felt content with the idea of not returning to the Lab. That sort of surprised him a little, as he had always felt that his job was his life. He could still consult, keep his hand in, (so to speak), there was always research to do, articles to write. Maybe even write that book he had always intended to write. He knew he could lecture, universities all over the country still clamoured for him to teach, either entomology or forensics.

Yeah! He knew he could get by both financially and intellectually.

He sighed, realising that he had made the decision without really intending to and he actually felt ok with it. Perhaps, not only could he make a new start with Sara, but a new start with his life in general.

With his thoughts turned to Sara, he realised he had a lot of work to do to not only regain her friendship, but also her trust. He had let things go so far without realising just how bad their relationship had become. He should have been more supportive and less dismissive about those tough cases that seemed to affect Sara so badly. He knew the reasons why she reacted the way she did, but it had not modified his behaviour towards her. In fact he now realised that by keeping her off those cases that normally caused her problems, thinking he was protecting her, he had actually made it seem as though he questioned her ability as both a CSI and person, that he no longer trusted her.

Sara had always been so strong. That was one of the things that attracted him to her. But he had slowly chipped away at that strength he had always admired so much and turned her away from him and ultimately Las Vegas.

Yes, he certainly had a lot of mistakes to correct if he wanted to pursue any kind of relationship with Sara.

So it was with that thought in his mind that he opened the email.

It surprised him a little, with its content. At first he was a little taken aback with the lightness of the conversation, until he realised that it was probably what the conversation would have been like if they were talking over the phone or face to face.

His thoughts turned to the cold weather and he remembered snowy winters and cold nights in front of roaring fires with fondness. He resolved to go out later and buy something to send to Sara. A hat, scarf and gloves, or something, he'd have a look around to see what he could find.

As far as taking it slow, he was happy to go as slow as Sara wanted. He was just happy to be in contact with her and if talking about everyday things was the way it went he didn't mind.

It was funny, he thought, when he had asked if she knew how hard it was to forget, it hadn't even crossed his mind that it could possibly be as hard if not harder for her. He mentally kicked himself for not thinking that she had all of them to miss.

Damn! He was even making mistakes via email. He really was an idiot some times.

His thoughts turned to his team again and he resolved to phone and invite each of them for a meal when he was done here.

Clicking reply, he started to type.

Thirty minutes later he had finished and was happy with what he had written. He had decided that he would keep the light mood of her email, so he told her what he had been up to lately and answered her questions, he told her of his plans for the BBQ and that he would let her know how things went. He didn't tell her the reason, plenty of time for that.

Later that evening, when he felt his friends would be up he called each of them with an invitation to a cook-out at his place the following Saturday. Thankfully, despite the surprise of such an invitation, they had all agreed to come.

So, feeling more relaxed and content than he had for some time, Gil Grissom sat down to make a list of things to do and things to buy. He had already decided to tell them of his decision, but first he needed to see the Sheriff and hand in his letter of resignation.

This would be a busy few days, but he looked forward to it, seeing it as a new beginning, not an ending.


	12. Family and Friends

Chapter 11

A/N; Thanks to all those who have stuck with my story. Like lots of others I have read, it seems to have a life of it's own. I hope you continue to enjoy it. Thanks for all your reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything belonging to CSI or CBS.

Family and Friends

Grissom had heard somewhere _'You can chose your friends but not your family'_ or something like that. He understood where a statement like that had come from, because everyone has relatives they wish were someone else's. But looking around his backyard, he saw a family, he knew that now. He also was very aware that they had chosen to be his family and for that he was very grateful.

Sitting in the lounge chair in the sun, Grissom closed his eyes and thought back on the day.

Catherine had been the first to arrive. He knew she would be.

Pushing past him as she entered, Catherine looked around the living room noting how tidy it was, not like the last time she had been there.

"Pleased to see you cleaned up Gil" she threw the comment over her shoulder as she headed for the kitchen.

"What, you thought I wouldn't" he responded with a chuckle as he followed her.

"Well. I know how distracted you can get Gil. You need any help?" she asked as she dropped the bag she was carrying onto the kitchen counter and proceeded to pull out a bottle of wine, bottle of juice and nibbles.

Grissom watched her empty the bag, shaking his head.

"You didn't have to bring anything you know Cath. I do have everything under contr…….."

"I know! I know! But you know me. I couldn't come empty handed and you didn't tell me not to" she interrupted him.

He laughed at what she had said, as he put the wine and juice in the fridge. He knew it was really because she didn't think he would be fully prepared for today. Under normal circumstances he would have been irritated, but today for some reason he found it amusing.

Before he could say anything however, the doorbell rang again.

This time it was Jim Brass and he grinned when he saw the brown bag in his friend's arms.

"Catherine been issuing instructions behind my back again I see" Grissom pointed to the bag, his smile reassuring Brass that all was ok.

"Yeah, Well I think we all got our instructions Gil. Sorry" he smiled at his friend apologetically.

Grissom just smiled and ushered the other man inside. He was just about to shut the door when he saw Nick's truck pull up.

"Go through Jim, Cath's already in the kitchen, I'll just wait for Nick."

Warrick and Greg had come with Nick and Doc Robbins pulled up a moment later.

Once they had all unloaded their goodies, Grissom ushered them outside where he had set chairs and a table under a big umbrella.

"Wow Grissom, I didn't know you had such a nice big yard" Nick stated looking around.

"Yeah, this is nice Griss" Warrick added and Greg just wandered around poking his nose everywhere.

"What's in here Grissom?" Greg asked tapping the door to the small shed in one corner of the yard.

"That's where I keep most of my '_bugs'_ Greg, I don't really like the cockroaches in the house, or the crickets and the ant farms take up too much space"

"Cool. Can I see them later?" Greg asked eagerly

It surprised Grissom a little, Greg's eagerness to investigate his insects, but he hid it and just nodded.

"Drinks are in the cooler, please help yourselves. I'm just going to get the food for the BBQ organised, then I'll be back out" he told them.

Entering his kitchen he grabbed the meat from the fridge.

"Here let me take that."

Grissom turned, surprised to find that Jim had followed him inside.

"Thanks Jim. I'll just grab the rest and I'll be right out."

Jim Brass watched as Grissom pulled on an apron that said _'King of the BBQ'_, with a crown over the words BBQ and chuckled.

"What? Grissom asked with a grin.

"Nothing, just not your usual attire, you know? I'm glad you're feeling better Gil. You have to know I've been worried about you pal" Brass gave him a small smile.

"I know and thanks Jim. Anyway" Grissom wanted to change the subject. "Let's get this stuff out and start cooking why don't we."

"After you Oh King of the BBQ" Jim waved his hand and bowed deeply at his friend while trying not to laugh.

"Thankyou."

Then he heard Grissom mumble _"god it's hard to get good help these days" _andbroke out intoa loud laugh only to be joined by his friend.

As they returned to the backyard they received a number of inquiring looks, so Brass explained about the apron and Grissom's comment, causing more teasing comments and laughter from the others.

Brass helped Grissom cook and Catherine and Greg brought out all the salads and other things that Grissom had all ready to eat. Nick and Warrick performed the duties of barmen and before long everyone was enjoying their food and pleasant conversation and laughter filled the afternoon.

Opening his eyes, Grissom noticed that everyone was watching him.

"We thought you had dozed off Gil" Catherine told him as she crossed over to sit beside him. Giving him a smile she continued on. "Can't blame you if you did though, this sun and all that food and drink is enough to make anyone sleepy."

Knowing she was reassuring him that it was ok to fall asleep, Grissom smiled at her.

"Not asleep Cath, just thinking."

"Good thoughts I hope" said Al Robbins from the chair next to him.

"Yeah" Grissom told him as he smiled at the gathered group. Now was the perfect opportunity. The smile slowly morphed into a frown as he jostled his thoughts about in an effort to find the right way to say what he had to say next.

Seeing the frown, the others exchanged looks and Catherine reached over and took his hand.

"Gil? Are you ok?" She sounded worried.

"Um… Yeah Cath, I'm ok. Just…." He broke off, rubbing his hand over his face.

"I…ah…. I want to say something to you all" he gestured to the other chairs. "Get comfortable, all of you, this could take a while."

Sporting puzzled and concerned looks, Nick, Warrick, Jim and Greg grabbed chairs and joined Catherine and Doc Robbins near Grissom.

When they were all settled he began.

"Firstly I want to thank you all for coming today. I have really enjoyed the company and I hope you've all had a good day. I hope, I mean, I think we should do more of this" he looked at each of them, watching their nods of agreement.

"Secondly I want to apologise to each and every one of you for my behaviour over the past several months." He put up his hand to forestall any comments.

"Please let me finish."

He paused to take a deep breath.

"I…realise that I have been behaving like an idiot. I also realise that I put all of you at risk by my behaviour out in the field. I treated you like my enemies instead of the friends….." again he paused and rubbed his face with his hand, "no… the family that you are. I could not ask for a better family than all of you and I want you to know that I am truly ashamed at what I have put you through. I did not deserve your continued support after the way I…….." he swallowed the emotions welling up, finding it difficult to finish the little speech he had rehearsed.

"I just want you to know that I am so sorry." Hanging his head he looked at his hand clutched in Catherine's.

Nick, Brass, Warrick, Greg and Doc Robbins all looked at each other, each of them feeling touched by what this man had said to them, and also a little uncomfortable at Grissom's uncharacteristic show of emotion and….well honesty.

Catherine was the first to speak as she squeezed his hand.

"We know you are Gil and I think I can speak for all of us when I say that I'm glad you have finally realised that we are your family and that we truly care about you and whilst as your family we didn't need an apology….." she grinned as he raised his head to look at her. 'I think you were right, we deserved it."

His answering chuckle was enough and as she pulled him into a hug everyone else relaxed.

Letting him go, Catherine looked at Warrick, Nick and Greg before continuing.

"While apologies are the subject, I think the boys and I owe you an apology." She said, giving Grissom another grin when she saw his raised eyebrows.

"We should have told you about Sara long before things got so bad……" she broke off as Grissom shook his head and went to speak.

"No Gil,it was not fair to you and I'm sure Sara wouldn't have minded if she had known the circumstances."

All three men nodded and mumbled apologies, still not feeling all that comfortable at the turn of conversation.

"Look, can we just agree that we all stuffed up in some way or another and just be glad that things are improving now" Brass interrupted in his typical no nonsense manner.

There were words of agreement from everyone, including Grissom.

"There is one more thing though, and I know that you won't be happy, but I wanted to tell myself. I did't want you to hear it from anyone else. I'm not going to be coming back as Supervisor of the night shift" Grissom got it all out in one breath.

"What do you mean Gil?' Catherine asked, unable to keep the concern from her voice.

Everyone was silent as they waited for his answer.

"I am retiring from the lab" he held up his hand. "Please, I want you to know that this is not easy for me to do."

"I am going to continue to be the County's resident entomologist, but only on a consultative basis" he took a deep breath before continuing.

"All this time out of the field has made me question whether or not I truly want to go back to what I was doing before. I don't have the same enthusiasm I once did, nor the energy. You all know that I'm frequently being offered guest lecturing positions that I have to turn down and now I have also been offered the opportunity to help devise a forensics course at UNLV. I would like to be able take up these offers and I can't do that if I am still working full time at the lab." he finished.

There were several minutes of silence, and Grissom was beginning to feel a lot more uncomfortable than he would have liked.

Doc Robbins was the first to break the silence as he patted Grissom's shoulder gently. "Good choice Gil, get out before you burn out, we've all seen what these last few months have done to you. I for one wish you luck" he said.

"Yeah me too pal, you deserve a break from all this death and sadness, a change will be good for you" Jim told him.

"If this is what you want Griss, then I wish you all the luck in the world" Warrick told him sincerely.

"Same here" Nick added. "I mean it's not like your cutting us out of your life or anything. We'll even get to work with you sometimes I guess. Yeah I think it'll be a good thing Griss.

If he was surprised at their calm acceptance of his decision, Grissom didn't show it as he looked to Greg who had his head down and was silently contemplating his hands. Catherine too had said nothing.

"Greg? Are you ok?" he asked quietly.

Greg slowly lifted his head and his face was sorrowful. Looking around the group, his eyes settled on Catherine.

"Oh man! This means that Catherine is going to be in charge all the time, doesn't it? You promised me that I could train as a CSI, Grissom, how will I get out in the field now?" He paused and looked at the man who would have been his mentor. "You know the worst part is that I'll never get to work with you." he lamented.

Nick, Warrick and Grissom looked stunned and Brass and Doc Robbins broke into laughter at the look on Greg's face when Catherine gave him her death glare. .

"I'm sorry Greg, but yes Cath is will officially be the night shift supervisor starting from Monday" Grissom chuckled as Greg rolled his eyes and Catherine continued to glare.

"However, when I had my meeting with the Sheriff I arranged for you to start training as a CSI as soon as they can find a replacement, I wouldn't forget my promise Greg." He told the young man, before looking over at Catherine who was still not saying anything.

"Umm….Cath? Can you say something, you actually scaring me a little here."

"As you should be Gil Grissom!" she directed her glare at him. "You invite us here, which in itself is extraordinary, apologise, tell us we are your family and then spring this on us. Forgive me if I'm not jumping up and down Gil."

Grissom was a little shocked by her outburst; he didn't think she would react that way. He thought she would be happy to get the supervisors position; she had earned it while he had been gone and he thought that she, out of all of them would understand. He was confused and hurt that she angry at him.

The others were looking uncomfortable again.

"I'm sorry Catherine, I thought you would be pleased at having my job officially. I'm sorry if you are upset by my decision, but I have thought about this long and hard and I truly believe that it is the best thing for me" he told her, a hint of anger in his voice.

"Excuse me while I go and get myself another drink" he mumbled as he stood

grabbing his glass and pushing past the others to go inside.

He heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Catherine standing on the other side of his kitchen, and he saw the sadness in her eyes.

"I'm sorry Gil. I should not have reacted that way. It's just….you took me by surprise that's all. I am happy to be 'officially' night supervisor, but I guess I always expected you to come back" she told him moving to pull him into a hug.

He could hear the sincerity in her voice and he hugged her back.

"I just want you to tell me that this is not because of Sara and that it's what you really want to do Gil" she stated, pulling back and looking at him closely.

He sighed.

"I won't lie to you and tell you it's something that it is not Cath. It doesn't feel the same anymore without Sara and I don't think it ever will be and it's not just

because I miss her. I think….no I know….that I am ready for this change. I want to write that book I've been too busy to write. I want to teach again. I want a break from all this crime and death, I want to see the better side of life for a while" he looked closely to see if she understood.

She slowly nodded to show she did indeed understand.

"In that case, thankyou, and I do wish you well, you know that don't you. I'm just a friend who's trying to look out for her friends' best interests" she told him and gave him a brief kiss on the cheek.

"Now let's get back out there before they think I've killed you" she laughed as she grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the door.

The rest of the day went without a hitch. They talked about Grissom's plans, the latest antics in the lab and even made tentative plans for the coming holidays.

By the time he was once again on his own, Grissom was exhausted, but happy. As he sat at his computer, sipping a coffee he realised that at that moment he actually felt as though a weight had lifted from his shoulders.

He felt a moment of unease knowing that he had yet to tell Sara of his decision but he hoped that her reaction would mirror those of the rest of his 'family'. He need her 'blessing' to finally know that his life was slowly settling back into place.


	13. Communicating

Chapter 12

A/N: I hope you like this instalment Thanks for all the lovely reviews.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with CSI or CBS.

Communicating

As soon as she opened up her computer it signalled that she had mail. Hoping it was from Grissom she quickly grabbed a juice and an apple and settled in to read it. She was not disappointed when she saw his name appear in her inbox.

From g.grissom

To s.sidle

_Dearest Sara,_ (she broke into a wide smile as she read the endearment)

_What a day!_

_As I told you I invited everyone here for a BBQ and that was today. It has been a beautiful sunny day that made it very pleasant to be outside._

_Catherine obviously didn't trust my organisational or cooking skills (_Sara found herself chuckling at his observation) because_ she organised for everyone to bring something. By the time everyone was here I had twice as much stuff as I needed, much to Miss I thought you'd forget Willows' surprise._

_I didn't tell you (or them) the reason behind my little get together, because I have to admit that I was a little afraid of what might occur. Catherine once told me that we had built a family around us whether we intended it or not._

_I realised recently that she was right_

_With that realisation came another and that was that I had treated that family badly. If I hurt them as much as it hurt me to realise what I had done I wanted to make it up to them._

_So I apologised. Yeah I can just picture your surprised look. (Sara laughed aloud, because she probably did look surprised at that precise moment.)_

_My apology took them by surprise too I think, and I know I made them a bit uncomfortable. You know, Grissom with emotions. Anyway, they accepted what I had to say and I think clearing the air like that has made us even more of a family. _

_I know this talk of family is probably making you either sad or angry that you are not here to be part of this._

_Please don't be sad Sara, please believe me when I say that you will always be part of this family whether you are in Washington, here or anywhere in between. _

_Please don't be angry at me for being such an idiot that it took you leaving for me to see what was right in front of me._

(Sara was a little shaken to realise that Grissom had known what her reactions to his words would be, perhaps he knew her too well.)

_I have more to tell you._

_I have decided not to return to my work at the lab, though I will still be consulting on entomological cases and others that they may need me for._

(Sara had to re-read that last sentence to make sure she hadn't imagined it.)

_I have had plenty of offers to lecture and UNLV wants me to consult on their new Forensics course. I will have plenty of time to do research and whatever else I want to do. I know this will be a shock to you, the workaholic Gil Grissom in retirement, but I no longer have the desire or the drive that I once had to work in the field._

_I hope that you understand as well as the rest of my family did (once the initial shock had worn off) when I told them today. Greg will still be going into the field as soon as a suitable replacement is found and Catherine will be taking over as supervisor. _

_This has been such a positive day for me that I'm going to take the risk of asking a favour of you. Do you think we can graduate to talking on the phone Sara? I really miss your voice, something brought home today by the fact that you were the only member of my family not here. _

_Will you consider it?_

_Oh! Before I forget did you get my gift? I hope so._

_I'm going to go now Sara, I'm tired after this amazing day. I guess I'm still not up to full strength yet._

_Take care_

_Grissom._

Sara sat for a while, the news in his letter slowly sinking in.

Retirement was not something she had pictured for Grissom for just yet. He still had many years til retirement age, but she knew there were other reasons to retire besides age. Still it was definitely a surprise.

Was she the reason he no longer had the desire or drive for his job? For a moment she felt guilty for taking his love of the job for him, but it was brief when she remembered that not that long ago she had felt the same way and he had been the cause.

Sara was glad that Grissom had the support and love of his family back in Vegas. That family was something she tried not to think about too often, because that meant she would have to admit just how much she missed them all. It was not that she regretted her decision to leave them all behind, she still firmly believed her decision had been the right one. She just hadn't realised how important they had all become to her.

The old saying '_you don't know what you've got til it's gone' _popped unbidden in her mind.

Some days worse than others, and on those days she would pick up the phone to call one of them but then stop herself. Usually she justified not calling by using excuses like the difference in times between Washington and Las Vegas – they would be sleeping, they would be working. Trouble was, deep down she knew they were just that, excuses. The truth was she was nervous about speaking to them because of the way she left Vegas, even though they had been in contact, email felt safer because she could control the conversation as it were.

Her conversation with Warrick had been ok, but that hadn't really been just to chat she told herself.

What would she say if she just phoned? Would they be able to talk like they used too? That was perhaps her greatest fear, that she had damaged their friendships, that they would actually **want **to talk to her.

Damn Grissom for asking about the phone. She missed his voice too but was she really ready for that step? It would mean relinquishing her control over the conversation and Sara was not sure if she could handle that just yet, she was sure that if she heard his voice she would once again fall under his spell.

This was going to require a lot more thought and Sara was determined to take her time and make the right decision for her.

Unfortunately Sara could not predict the future.


	14. Talk about a nightmare

Talk to me

A/N: Finally, a little gsr. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything or anyone, except my own characters.

Talk about a nightmare.

It was late when his cell phone rang. Grissom had just started to doze off in front of the television and it startled him awake.

_God I hope this is not a case, I'm too tired._ He thought as he reached for the phone.

"Grissom" he snapped.

" _Oh…..God…..I'm sorry Grissom….I woke you….I…. I'll let you get back to_ _sleep"_ the voice on the other end was quiet and hesitant.

He was so shocked to hear her voice that he wasn't sure if it really was her.

"Sara?" he asked. "Sara, is that you, what's wrong, are you ok?"

He knew it had to be something bad for her to ring him, they had yet to take that step in their relationship, though he had asked if the could.

He heard a sigh on the other end of the line.

"_Yeah. Um…. Look I'm sorry Grissom I probably shouldn't have called you but I…."_

He heard the hitch in her voice and he was wide awake in a flash.

"Sara, its fine. I wasn't sleeping. Talk to me honey" the term of endearment had slipped out unconsciously and he held his breath when he realised what he had said.

"_I… umm…I killed someone today Grissom"_ her voice cracked as she told him. _"He was just a boy Griss, and I took his life"._

He paused for a moment while what she was telling him sank in. Sara had only ever fired her gun once before that he was aware of and that had been in self defence. She had only injured the man, but she had been a wreck for days afterward. She had always maintained that she could never take a life, no matter the circumstances. Now he could only imagine what she would be going through knowing she had taken a life, however justified it was.

"Oh honey" he was cut off as she spoke again, her sniffles audible to him over the line.

"_I just wanted to…….I needed to hear ….. "_she could go no further, but Grissom knew what she meant.

"You can call me any time Sara, any time at all. Will you tell me what happened honey?"

He heard her take a deep breath and he found himself taking one too.

"_We…umm…we were processing the scene of a robbery. They…umm…called us in because one of the perps was shot and killed by the police and he was on_ _the FBI wanted list."_ She swallowed before continuing.

"_We were almost done when we heard a noise outside and before we realised what was happening the kid was right there. I mean he just appeared. He…umm…he was ranting about us killing his brother and then he had a gun and…..he was pointing it at Richard and I just reacted. You know? He wouldn't listen. He wouldn't put the gun down Grissom."_ The last few words were just a whisper on the line.

There was silence, broken only by sobs and Grissom knew that she was probably reliving the moment but before he could say anything she continued on.

"_I don't think I'm a bad person, I mean, I must be though right, if I can kill a person? I don't want to be a bad person Griss. You told me once that you didn't think that there was a murder gene. But maybe there is you know? I mean why else would I have killed that boy? I……"_

She was beginning to ramble now, so Grissom interrupted her as gently as he could.

"Sara?... Sara, listen to me. You are not a bad person, you never have been and you never will be. Sara you are a beautiful, wonderful person. You are one of the most empathetic and caring people I have ever met." He let himself smile just a little at what he was about to say.

"I'll admit you have a temper and it's not pleasant to be on the receiving end of it, but Sara, honey there is no murder gene. You are not your mother Sara and you never will be. Whatever happened today was….." he searched for the right word. "Unavoidable. Sara? It was not your fault. You were protecting yourself and Richard, you know that don't you?"

"_I know that, but it doesn't stop it from hurting Grissom. It hurts so much. How do I stop it hurting?"_

" I know it hurts honey, but you know it will get better, just give yourself some time" he told her softly. "You know I wouldn't tell you that if it wasn't true don't you?"

There was no answer and for a moment he could see her nodding, the phone held tightly to her ear.

Then a thought crossed his mind and he experienced a moment of panic. He hoped her new boss had got to know her well enough to understand how she would take the days events.

"Sara are you at home? Is there anyone with you?" He held his breath as he waited for her reply.

"_Um.. yeah, I'm home. Ally is here. Well she's in the living room. She's staying for a while"_ she answered, trying unsuccessfully to stifle a yawn.

"Thank God!" he hadn't meant to say it aloud, and he cringed, thinking how she might react. When she didn't respond he continued. "That's good Sara, I'm glad you're not alone. Are you gonna be ok? You sound tired, why don't you try to sleep?" he asked.

"_Yeah I think I might try. Thankyou. I'm sorry I woke you. Griss?"_ she hesitated.

"What honey"

"_Will you talk to me til I go to sleep please?"_

Grissom's heart leapt at her simple request.

"You know I will. What should I talk about?"

"Tell me about your bugs, I haven't heard about your bugs in ages" she asked him, the words muffled a little by another yawn.

He could hear her getting into bed and he sighed, wishing he was there in person so that he could hold her while she fell asleep, but he acknowledged that even this was better than anything he had previously had, so he settled himself comfortably on the couch and started to recite some of his most recent activities with his beloved insects.

Ten minutes later he could only hear the sounds of her gentle breathing, telling him she had finally drifted off.

He was just about to hang up the phone when he was startled to hear an unfamiliar female voice on the other end.

"_Um…Thankyou. Whatever you did it worked, she's sound asleep_" the voice told him.

"Good. She needs it. You must be Ally?" Grissom asked the voice.

"_Um…yeah I'm Allison Campbell, how did you know? And who am I talking to_?" she asked in reply.

"Oh…umm, I'm Gil Grissom, I'm a friend of Sara's. Are you staying with her? I don't think she should be left alone right now."

Allison was startled to hear the name of the entomologist Sara had talked about a couple of months earlier, concern very evident in his voice.

"_Actually yeah I am, she was really shaken up about today. I'm guessing she told you what happened. Rod, our boss, has given her some time off and she won't be on her own at all. If it's not me it will be him, Richard or someone else from the team here with her._ "Allison reassured him.

"Thankyou Allison, and yes she did tell me what happened. Will you tell her she can call me any time if she wants to talk? You can call me if you're worried about her, I guess my number is still in her phone. I'll go now and let you get some sleep too" he hesitated then added "Um…Allison….Um…. Sara has nightmares…this will most likely trigger them, can you….can you take care of her for me."

He hung up before Allison could reply.

He rubbed his face with his hands then rested his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands. It had been so wonderful hearing her voice, but she had sounded so broken on the phone. It hurt so much to hear the pain in her voice.

He felt a brief moment of happiness at the thought that it was him she had turned to in spite of all their problems in the past and it left him with a warm feeling that he had been able to help her relax enough so that she could sleep.

He knew she would eventually be ok, but he also knew he was going to worry. Grabbing the remote, he turned on the television, he knew he wouldn't be able to get to sleep again, but that was ok, this way he'd be awake if she needed him again.

In Sara's apartment in Washington, Allison gently slid the covers over a sleeping Sara. She turned down the light and left the room, not quite closing the door. If Sara did indeed have a nightmare at least she would not waken to a dark room and with the door ajar, Allison knew she would hear any noise.

Having already grabbed a pillow and blanket for the couch, Allison finally settled down for the night herself, wondering how this Gil Grissom person fitted into Sara's life, Asking if she would take care of her for him too. That sounded like the request of someone who cared a lot.

After the shooting, Sara had withdrawn and Rod had sent Allison home with instructions not to let her out of her sight. By the time she had managed to get some food into her, Sara had completely shut down. Allison could not get her to talk and when Sara had eventually taken herself off to her room, she had been worried when she heard the sounds of sobbing through the closed door. She had heard Sara talking for a while, then silence and that was when she had checked and found her asleep with her cell phone clutched tightly in her hand next to her ear.

That had certainly taken her by surprise, she had expected this to be a long night and she had to admit this was a much better scenario.

With a final mental thankyou to Gil Grissom and a reminder to herself to ask Sara about him tomorrow she settled off for sleep.

Two hours later she was startled out of her sleep. Climbing off the couch she hurried to Sara's room and opened the door to the sight of Sara fighting against the bedclothes and crying in her sleep. Quickly settling onto the bed next to her, Allison reached out to calm her friend.

"It's ok Sara, you're safe, it's ok Sara, no-one's going to hurt you" she gently stroked Sara's back and arms, gradually soothing her back to sleep with the gentle touches and soothing words. As Sara settled once more, Allison remembered Grissom's words and wondered how often the nightmares occurred.

She decided not to go back to the couch, and lay down next to Sara, hoping her friend would not be too upset with her in the morning. As she drifted off to sleep she decided Sara would just have to deal with it, she was going to take care of her like Grissom asked. That's what friends were for.


	15. Step two

Chapter 14 (2)

A/N" Sorry, I didn't intend to take so long to post, but I got a touch of writers block, trying to tie a couple of chapters together and include some more conversation. Shouldn't be so long between for the next few. Thankyou to all those sticking with this story.

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI or anything to do with it, except for my own characters.

Step two.

Sara tossed her keys on the counter and moved into the kitchen, grabbing a bottle of cold water from the refrigerator she rounded the counter once more and headed to the couch. She flopped down onto the comfy cushions and taking a swig of the water let her eyes close.

What a day. Actually it was more like four days.

Finally she could see the light at the end of the tunnel. The department psychologist had ok'd her for work, but not for two more days.

"_You seem ok to me Miss Sidle for the most part, but I think you would benefit from a couple more days away from work, especially since you are adamant that you won't come back to see me."_

She had been a nice enough woman, but Sara had never liked talking about things with strangers. Heck, she didn't even talk to people she did know and she wasn't about to make visits to the psychologist a regular thing even if the woman thought it would 'be to her benefit'.

Yes she was still having flashbacks, but she knew that would pass with time. She had been cooped up here in her apartment for the first two days with baby sitters that never left her alone except when she showered or went to the toilet. She had been so frustrated that she had threatened to castrate Rod if he they didn't leave her alone. Thankfully he took that as a sign that she was getting back to normal and left her alone.

The IAB investigation had been relatively easy, with the shooting witnessed by several FBI and PD officers, there was no doubt it had been a correct shoot. She was grateful for that, her career was after all her life and while the shooting would never be correct in her mind or heart, it had relieved some of the tension surrounding her.

Now she could relax and ready herself for work on Wednesday. Flicking on the TV she channel surfed until she came across a documentary on the life of bees on the discovery channel. With a smile she got comfortable and settled in to watch.

About ten minutes in she realised that she couldn't concentrate and her mind had wandered to Grissom, as could be expected watching a documentary on insects.

She had phoned him in desperation the night of the shooting. His was the voice she needed to hear and she made a small groaning sound as she realised how pathetic that was. She left to forget the man and as soon as there is a crisis he is the one she calls. Well she mused; they were already communicating and getting back on track with their friendship. Phone conversations were obviously the next step. It was just that she hadn't expected to be doing it so soon. Yes he had asked, but she had decided to wait a little longer and she laughed aloud as she thought of that.

My, how quickly things can change.

His voice had soothed her troubled soul and mind and she had secretly delighted when he had called her honey repeatedly over the course of the conversation. She knew that it was a term of endearment he used when he was upset for her, but he hadn't just said it once.

She thought back to the morning after that phone call.

When she had finally woken the next morning and demanded an explanation as to why Ally was in bed with her she had been a little surprised when told that Grissom had mentioned her nightmares and asked Ally 'to take care of her for me'. That little bit of information had been another sign that he did care about her. Ally had told her how his voice had been little more than a whisper when he had said it and that he had hung up before she could talk to him any more.

Now, sitting on her couch watching a documentary she knew he would love, she felt that it was time to move things along a little, so she reached for her phone and punched in speed dial one.

Grissom hadn't heard from Sara again since that middle of the night call and he was grateful for that because to him it meant she was doing ok. Unfortunately there was a part of him that wanted her to call.

The little voice of reason in his head told him not to read too much into her call, that it had been nothing more than the need to hear a familiar voice. But he really wanted to believe that she had called him because it was him she needed.

I mean she could just as easily have called Nick, who had always been her best friend, or Greg who could usually bring her out of her funks. Or maybe Warrick who could always be counted on to be the rational one. Catherine had been in the same position, but she and Sara had not always seen eye to eye.

No she had called him and it made his heart feel lighter.

He tried not to worry about her, knowing that she had plenty of support in Washington, and that IAB would clear her quickly. He had seen the news reports and there had been a lot of witnesses. Tried was the operative word here, because he just couldn't help it.

He would always worry about Sara.

He was startled out of his reverie by the ringing of his cell phone.

"Grissom" he said, as he walked into the kitchen.

He listened closely and grabbed a pen and paper to write down the relevant details.

"No problem, it'll probably take me twenty to thirty minutes to get there, I have to check my kit' he listened again. "Ok, see you there."

He closed his cell and opened the hall closet to grab his kit. Surprisingly it was fully stocked, so after grabbing some extra specimen jars and some food to keep the insects alive he grabbed his keys and headed out to his first job as the County's consultant entomologist.

He was gone for over three hours; there had been two bodies and a lot of evidence to collect. He had worked with Nick and Greg, and he had appreciated the fact that they knew what to expect from him and were able to help with the collection. He would do the time line at home, not the lab and as he arrived home he headed straight to his basement to begin.

It was another couple of hours before he ventured back upstairs to get himself something to eat, after his hunger and thirst finally got the better of him. It was only as he went to head back downstairs again that he noticed the flashing light on his answering machine.

To say he was surprised and a little delighted when he heard Sara's chirpy voice, would have been true and when he had listened to her message several times, he couldn't keep the smile off his face. He looked at his watch and after working out the time difference picked up the phone.

It rang several times and when it did pick up, it was her answering machine, not her. After leaving a message, with some suggested calling times, so that they could actually talk to one another he hung up.

He still wore a smile on his face several hours later when he finally turned off all the lights and headed for bed.

He was woken the next morning by the noise of not his alarm clock, but the phone. Still half asleep he reached for it, almost dropping it.

"Grissom" he answered half asleep.

"_It would seem that I've woken you once again" the voice sounded amused. You did say I could call you at this time you know. Did you sleep in?" she was definitely laughing now._

Grissom came wide awake when he recognised the voice and quickly glanced at the clock to check the time. He had indeed slept in. Damn!!

"Well there's a first time for everything you know" he answered a little indignantly.

"_Mmmm….. This retirement must play havoc with your sleep" she teased him gently, having heard the slight indignation in his voice. "I wish I didn't have to get up with the alarm clock every day. Must be nice."_

"I'll have you know Miss Sidle that I was up until the wee hours working on the time line for a consultation I am doing for the Las Vegas Crime Lab. It's not all rest and relaxation you know" he copied her teasing tone.

"_I see Dr. Grissom" she said solemnly._

Unfortunately she couldn't help herself and she ended up laughingand she could hear him doing the same.

Grissom thought how nice this was before he spoke again.

"How are you Sara, are you back at work yet?'

"_No. Got one more day. I can go back on Wednesday. I'm so booorrred."_

"I see you still have those workaholic tendencies Sara. I had hoped you were outgrowing them."

"_Never gonna happen Grissom. You know me. I did do some sight-seeing yesterday, finally and it was nice, but I didn't feel like doing it today." _

She spoke lightly, but Grissom could tell by her tone that all she wanted to do was get back to work. He didn't want to dwell on her current situation; he was enjoying this light banter. It had been too long since they had been able to do this.

"So, Miss Sidle, what can I do for you this beautiful, EARLY (and he emphasised the word) morning?" he asked.

Sara heard the humour in his voice and was delighted to hear it.

"_Well, I just thought it would be nice to catch up. You know? I have really missed our chats and I have especially missed hearing your voice" she paused for a moment._

Grissom was not quite sure what to say, so he stayed silent and waited for her to continue.

"_I wanted to try this Griss, I want to take this next step too."_

"Thankyou Sara" Grissom breathed out a sigh. "I know we can do this. I've missed hearing your voice too, and I want to hear it more often."

"_Good! Because you will be" her voice became serious now. " This last week has brought a lot of things home to me Grissom, and one of those things is that I need my family. What you said about everyone from the lab being your family made me realise that they were my family too" she swallowed before continuing._

"_I just hope that they still want me to be a part of that family, because I miss everyone like mad and I really still need you all in my life."_

"Sara…." He broke off, not quite sure how to put into words what he wanted to say.

"We…..everyone loves you Sara and you will always be part of our family. I think I already told you that. I think it's time we all started communicating a little better."

He stopped when he heard a little chuckle from the other end of the phone.

"Yeah I know, communication has never been one of my strong points. But what I am trying to say Sara is that it's not weak to need people. We all need to know we are loved and supported, it's not going to be as hard as you think" he finished.

"_Thankyou Grissom. I'm sorry I got so maudlin. We can go back to talking about other stuff now" she told him._

"Good. But don't worry about it too much. Everyone will be fine. In fact Nick and Greg were just asking me last night if I had heard from you lately. It appears they think you have lost their email addresses. I didn't tell them about the shooting though, I thought if you wanted to them to know it was your place to do so not mine."

"_I don't know if I will or not. I'll see" she wanted to change the subject._

"_So, tell me about this case of yours that had you up til all hours."_

Grissom chuckled and settled back against the pillows to tell her all about this latest case.

He looked at his clock as he closed his cell phone and placed it back on the table. He was startled to see that they had been talking for well over an hour.

He couldn't keep the smile off his face as he headed to the kitchen for coffee. Once the serious discussion was over they had chatted about cases, the difference in the two cities and what it was like to be a part of the FBI.

He showered, ate and settled himself into the basement once more. He smiled every now and then, remembering a part of the conversation. If anyone had seen him they may have thought he was crazy, smiling for no apparent reason, but Grissom had a reason, he was happy and he was sure Sara was too.

They had just started step two in their relationship and he hoped that it would be as successful as step one had been and that step three would be even better.


	16. New Years Invitation

Chapter 15

A/N: This is a short chapter, but it was need to set the course of the next few. It won't be long before the next one is up, I promise. Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything CSI related.

New Years Invitations.

It's been ten months, give or take a few days since she left Las Vegas and with only two weeks til Christmas, Sara has been contemplating the future.

In his last email, Grissom had told Sara that he wanted to see her, they had resolved many of their issues and conversation was now much easier between them than he ever thought it would be. His reasoning, that the only true way to measure their progress was to actually spend time together and Sara had to admit that she agreed.

Thing was though, she wasn't sure if she was truly ready, despite her own desire to see him again. She had told him she trusted him and she knew that he had earned that admission from her. Over the last few months, he had been open with her and told her things that he most likely would not have been able to if they were face to face.

Now that he was no longer employed full time at the Crime Lab, Grissom could arrange his schedule to suit not only himself, but her as well. He had made sure she knew that, giving her the chance to decide when and where, if she so chose.

Because of the hours that Sara worked, and the fact that she often worked on her days off, she had already accrued enough holidays. Sara knew that she wanted Grissom to come to Washington, because she knew she would feel more comfortable on her home ground. There was plenty to do in Washington and if things went really well maybe they could spend a few days out of the city.

Having made the decision that she wanted him to come to her, Sara now had to decide if he was to stay with her or in a hotel. Part of her wanted him to stay with her, but the other part felt uncomfortable, worried that being in such close proximity without the safety net of being able to retreat to his or her own space would be too stressful.

After a lot of thought, Sara came to what she hoped was going to be the right decision. She had told him she trusted him and now was the time to prove it. She would invite him to stay with her; after all she had a spare room all ready for visitors that had never been used. Sara quickly pushed aside the unbidden image of Grissom in not her spare bed, but in her bed, wondering where the hell that had come from.

With her decision firmly planted in her mind, Sara was about to send off an email when she changed her mind, instead dialling Grissoms home phone number.

She wondered how he would react to her invitation. Surprised? Probably. Happy? She hoped so. She was still contemplating how he would react when his answering machine picked up.

Damn! Oh well, just as well maybe.

"Hey Grissom. It's me Sara. I guess you must be out bug hunting or something, but I wanted to ask if you would like to come to Washington in the New Year. You can stay with me if you like. Call me back and let me know if that suits you so I can organise the time off. Bye."

There had been no reply when she went to work the next day and she felt herself getting anxious. What if he had changed his mind? Maybe she shouldn't have asked him to stay with her. Maybe she had been too forward? She fretted on it all day at work and was distracted enough for Rod to ask her what was wrong.

However all that changed when she got home that evening to find a message on her answering machine from Grissom.

"_Hello Sara. I'm sorry I missed your call I've been out of the city at a crime scene. At least our answering machines got to hold a conversation._

_Thankyou Sara, I would love to come and stay, but only if you are really sure. I can easily book a hotel room. Let me check out flight details, but you should be able to go ahead and organise your time off. I can't wait to see you and I'll be counting the days."_

Sara let out the breath she had not realised she had been holding as she turned off the machine. Her stomach fluttered at the husky tone his voice had held when he had said he would be counting the days. He sounded truly happy at her invitation and she knew in her heart that this was going to work and that the timing was right.

As she went about getting herself some dinner, she couldn't help but feel a little excitement at the thought of seeing the one man she truly cared about again. She hoped the next few weeks would go quickly. This had been a hard year for both of them; her leaving had hurt them both badly. But out of the bad, good had come and she knew it would be worth it in the long run.

Grissom sent the details of his flight the next day. He would arrive on the second and depart on the eighteenth. Her time off was approved without any problem, Rod being only too happy to encourage her to take time out from her job and things were falling into place.

She and Grissom didn't talk too much about his visit, deciding to stick to things like plans for the Christmas period. Sara was not working this year. Shock! Horror! Her boss had invited her to join him and his family for Christmas dinner, which is apparently an annual thing for his team, so Allison and Richard had invites too.

Catherine had insisted on having Grissom over and Warrick, Greg, Jim and Nick (who wasn't going home this year because he was working) were going too. It was looking like a good ending to the year.

But looks can be deceiving, can't they?


	17. A Not So Average Day

The Incident –A Place for everything

A/N: Thanks for all the reviews. Yeah, sorry about the cliffhanger. NOT. Please enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with CSI except my own characters and this story.

A Not So Average Day.

The sun was just beginning to set as Sara, Allison and Richard pulled up in front of the house. Looking at it, Sara found it hard to believe that this pretty little home, in this rather nice looking sub-division was the scene of such a horrendous crime.

As they retrieved their kits from the back, they could hear the sounds of the numerous FBI agents, still moving around the house and its yard.

"Nice house" Allison remarked as she slung her kit out of the car.

"No wonder it took so long to find them, this is just a normal neighbourhood, with Mr and Mrs Norman Citizen living next door." Richard added as he grabbed his and Sara's kits.

Sara stared at the house; it was the type of place she had dreamed of living in as a kid. A flower edged path lead to a front porch complete with a swing seat. A small fountain/bird bath stood to one side of the path and the lawns were neatly trimmed. Hung beside the open front door, was a small bell complete with a 'Welcome, please ring the bell' sign.

"Well, it certainly wasn't Mr and Mrs Average who lived here" Sara remarked, making her way to the front door.

As they reached the bottom of the three steps leading up to the front porch, they were greeted by an armed agent, who stepped forward to stop them from entering.

"You guys were pretty quick!" Agent Walker smiled as he addressed them.

Sara had met him a few times at scenes here in Washington and she liked him, he reminded her of Warrick.

Giving Sara a smile he continued. "Agent Sidle, nice to see you again"

He nodded towards Allison then Richard. "Agent McKenzie, Agent Harper glad you could all make it".

"Hi Adam, it's been a while" Richard shook Walker's hand. "What's happening?" he asked the other Agent, inclining his head to indicate the house.

"Haven't quite finished securing the scene, the house is done, but they haven't finished with the basement or the shed out back yet. You guys must have grown wings to get here so fast. You'll need to wait in the car til we give you the all clear" Agent Walker told them.

"No problem" Sara told him. "I just hope they don't destroy all the evidence before we get a chance at it."

Allison and Richard snickered at Sara's comment and picking up their kits turned to head back to the car.

As Sara bent to pick up her own kit she heard a shout from inside. Though she couldn't hear what was said the shout was enough to cause a fleeting moment of concern. The FBI was well trained and usually moved methodically and quietly through the process of clearing and securing a scene. It must mean that this scene was not secure and therefore not safe. They needed to move to a safe distance and cover and do so quickly.

All this flashed through Sara's mind in an instant, causing her to drop her kit and turn to leave, even as Adam Walker grabbed her arm to move her from the doorway. They had only gone a few paces to the side when they were thrown from their feet by the blast that tore through the house.

Sara felt herself thrown into the air and she hit the ground hard. Her ears were ringing and she could feel the heat from the blast. She tried to turn herself over, but she was held in place by a heavy weight over her back and legs, and the pain that tore through her chest held her still. Gasping for breath, she could hear shouts and someone calling her name, but before she could get enough air in her lungs to answer she succumbed to the darkness lurking at the edge of her vision and she lapsed into unconsciousness.

The emergency waiting room was chaotic. There were more FBI agents than there were staff, and still more were arriving to get reports and hear news of friends and co-workers. The media were camped outside the hospital doors, waiting for more information to feed to the public. The department heads and team supervisors had been given the use of a conference room on the fourth floor to use as a command post ( for want of a better term) and agents and doctors were coming and going with information on both the agents who had been injured and the investigation of the incident.

Rod Marshall had just left the conference room and was headed towards the ER waiting area. He had briefly touched base with Allison and Richard on his way through and like both of them he wanted to find out what was happening with Sara. He had been relieved to see that they were basically ok but his relief was short lived as they relayed the information that Sara had been brought in unconscious and they didn't know how badly she had been injured.

He found them sitting together at the side of the waiting area, sipping coffee from styrofoam cups. He took the seat next to them as another agent got up to leave.

"Don't bother with the coffee, boss" Richard spoke quietly, as though he might offend someone with his statement. "It's like drinking sump oil, even with milk and sugar."

Rod looked from one to the other and shook his head. They both looked like they had gone three rounds with Mike Tyson. Cuts, abrasions and the beginnings of bruises over their faces and hands and he could only surmise that their clothing covered up even more evidence of the explosion.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" He asked, his voice etched with concern.

His two agents shared a look and Richard nodded at Allison to go ahead.

"We were heading back to the car, apparently we got there pretty fast and the scene wasn't fully secure. Adam Walker and Sara were at the bottom of the steps leading up to the front porch and we were behind them, closer to the gate."

Allison paused and Richard took over.

"Ally and I were walking to the gate, I think Sara was still talking to Adam and we heard a shout from inside. We dropped our kits and ran for the gate. We didn't get far, next thing we know we're flat on our backs on the grass and when we finally sit up we can see Sara and Adam not far from the porch."

"When we got to them, Adam was lying across Sara's back and neither of them were moving, they were both unconscious. They were pretty close to the house when it blew." Allison paused to take a deep breath. "I don't know if Adam threw himself over Sara to protect her or if the blast threw him on top of her."

"I take it there's no news on either of them yet?' Rod asked, looking from one to the other.

He nodded his own head in acknowledgement when they shook theirs in answer to his question.

Together the three agents waited. Others drifted in and out, some speaking to them and others joining them for a short while.

They had been waiting for three hours when a doctor entered the waiting room with a clipboard in his hands. Taking a look at his list he called out into the waiting room.

"Family of Ethan Harper?"

He smiled at the three people who rose to meet him. He spoke quietly to them for a few minutes and the gestured for them to follow the nurse he indicated.

He had been working his way through the list slowly and each time he called a new name, the three waiting agents who had sat forward in anticipation, flopped back into their chairs again.

"Family of Adam Walker?"

They started when they heard Adams name called but their hearts clenched when it was obvious that the news the doctor was giving his family was not good. They watched in silence as his wife and parents were led away by another nurse.

"Family of Sara Sidle?"

It took them by surprise, they were each deep in thought about Adam Walker and it was only when the doctor repeated her name that they jumped up.

Rod shook the doctor's hand as he spoke.

"Rod Marshall, FBI supervisor" he introduced himself. "We are here for Sara Sidle" he told him, gesturing to include Allison and Richard. "She has no immediate family here in Washington."

That's fine, I'm Marc Lucas, Sara's primary physician" the doctor responded.

"I can give you the information, but I will need to speak to whoever holds her medical power of attorney. Firstly, I must say that Miss Sidle is very lucky that her injuries are not much worse. It would appear she was shielded somewhat from the full force of the blast and that was what saved her."

The doctor paused and looked at them deciding they probably knew how she had been shielded.

"Miss Sidle has several fractured ribs, one of which punctured her lung, causing a haemothorax. She has a chest tube in, which is keeping her lung inflated, and barring any complications, the ribs and lung should heal nicely. She has multiple cuts and abrasions, some of which required suturing. However those are relatively minor. Her shoulder was dislocated and both her radius and ulna fractured" he paused at Allison's quizzical look.

"That's both of the bones in her lower arm. Presumably from when she landed. The shoulder has been reduced, but the fractures will need surgical repair. Her head injury however is a different matter" again he paused to take in the worried looks on their faces.

Richard wrapped his arm around Allison's shoulder and she leaned into him for support. Rod smiled inwardly at the gesture and then turned his attention back to the doctor.

"Miss Sidle has a depressed fracture of her skull, which means a small piece of bone has been pushed downwards onto her brain. She remains unconscious and we will be monitoring her condition closely over the next twenty four hours to determine when we can attempt surgery. An anaesthetic with her lung in the condition it is in is not ideal, however if her condition deteriorates we will have to operate to bring the piece of bone back into alignment, regardless of her other injuries. She is currently being moved to the ICU."

By now, Allison had gone white and was crying softly, and Rod gestured for Richard to take her and sit down.

"Thankyou, Dr Lucas" Rod waited til the other two were seated before speaking again. "I guess all we can do is wait."

The doctor just nodded in response.

"Are we able to see her?" he asked. "I think we would feel a lot better seeing her, they were there when it happened." He indicated the others.

"Certainly, I'll get someone to escort you. Because it is ICU, your visit will need to be short"

Dr Lucas paused, looking back at his papers.

"Are you able to tell me who has Miss Sidle's medical power of attorney? I will need it for when we do operate. There are ways around it if necessary, but I for one always feel better doing it the proper way if possible."

Rod thought for a moment, but could not remember who it was.

"I'll check her file and get back to you as quickly as I can."

"Thankyou, I'll just go get someone to show you to ICU."

The two men shook hands and Rod headed back to Allison and Richard to wait for their escort.

A nurse arrived fairly soon after Dr. Lucas left to request that they follow her.

"I want to warn you that Miss Sidle is hooked up to a lot of monitors and other equipment. To rest her lungs and because of her head injury she in ventilated, so it is also a little noisy in there. For the moment she is stable and she does have a lot of visible bruising" she looked at each one before opening the half door to Sara's cubicle.

Though they had been warned, it was still very hard to reconcile the woman in the bed to the one they were familiar with and each one of them fought back tears at the sight before them.

Allison lasted in the room only long enough to place a gentle kiss on Sara's forehead before leaving the room. Richard lasted a little longer, placing a kiss on her forehead and whispering that they were praying for her before he too left the room.

Rod stared at the woman in the bed for a few minutes before taking her hand and placing a kiss on it. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't, so he just gently squeezed her hand before replacing it on the bed and turned away to join the others outside.


	18. Critical Conversations

A/N: Sorry for the delay getting this chapter up. I've been struggling with this one and the next one. Sorted now, so you can expect them a little closer together.

Critical Conversations.

Rod had sent Allison and Richard home as soon as they left the ICU. He could see that they were only just holding it together.

After checking in with the powers that be, Rod had headed for the office. He wanted to get the required information for the doctor and he felt that he should phone Catherine Willows. He was sure they would have seen the news report or at least heard about it, but as no names were given out he wanted to fill them in.

He still wasn't sure what made Sara leave Las Vegas, but he had a gut feeling she would want them to know.

All this was running through his mind as he flicked through Sara's file, so it came as bit of a shock to see that the person who held her medical power of attorney

was one Gilbert Grissom of the Las Vegas Crime Lab. To say he was surprised was an understatement. I mean Sara had mentioned she had worked with him, but to give someone medical proxy you had to be close enough to trust them with your life.

One more little twist in the tale of Sara Sidle.

Sitting back in his chair he punched in the number for the Las Vegas Crime Lab.

"_Las Vegas Crime Lab how may I help you?"_

"I was wanting to speak with a Catherine Willows please" Rod hoped she was there.

"_Just one moment and I'll see if I can find her for you, may I ask who is calling?"_

"Yes, Rod Marshall, Washington FBI" Rod figured that would get him put through quicker.

"_One moment please"_

It was only a moment later that he heard Catherine's voice over the line.

"_Catherine Willows'_

"Hello Ms Willows, Rod Marshall, Washington FBI, I spoke to you a few months ago"

"_Hello again Agent Marshall, have you got more bugs for us?"_

" Please, my name's Rod. No not bugs. Actually Ms Willows" he was interrupted by the voice at the other end of the phone.

"_Call me Catherine please"_

"Ok, Catherine. This is actually not a work related call. Well actually it is, but not in the way you think. I wonder if you have seen the news report on the explosion that injured a number of FBI agents today?" he paused when he heard a hushed gasp.

"_Actually we've just been watching it. They said there were a number killed and one in a critical condition. Oh God no! Not Sara!"_

Rod could hear the anguish in Catherine's voice.

"She's alive Catherine, but she's not good." He couldn't help the loud sigh that escaped him as he said those words.

"_Oh God! How bad is she Rod? Look I'm just going to put you on speaker so that you can tell the guys as well." _

Rod waited til he heard the tell-tale click that indicated he was on speaker and gave them the news.

"Sara was close to the explosion. She has some fractured ribs which caused a punctured lung. Her shoulder was dislocated and she has fractures to the same arm plus lots of cut and bruises. She also has a fractured skull. At the moment she is serious but stable and when her lung is a bit better they will take her for surgery to fix the skull fracture." He paused. "Unless she deteriorates over the next twenty four hours" he added.

He could hear several voices all talking at once, but could not really make out their questions before he heard Catherine take the phone off speaker so she could talk to him again.

"_I think you can guess that everyone here is pretty upset. We are all one big family here, and up til she left Sara was a much loved member of that family. She still is. What can we do? Can we have the hospital details? Will you keep us posted? God it's so hard being so far away."_

Rod listened as Catherine rambled, he knew they must all be feeling even more helpless than he did and he was right on the spot.

"I'll definitely keep you up to date Catherine. The doctor said that all we can do at the moment is wait, she is still unconscious, but they don't seem overly concerned with that. You can do one thing for me though" he told her.

"_Anything you need Rod"._

"My files say that her medical power of attorney is one Gilbert Grissom, I'm assuming that's the entomologist. I have let the hospital know, but I think it would be better to tell him personally and I need a contact number."

"_OH SHIT! SHIT! SHIT!! Grissom. Um Rod I think it would be best to leave it to me to tell Gil. To cut a long story short, he and Sara have a history and I think I'm going to need to be there when he finds out."_

Well! Rod thought. I must get the long story some time. But for now that can wait.

"That would be fine if you think that's the best way to handle it. It was hard enough for us and we are here."

"_I think it will be best. OK well I better go do it now, before the hospital contacts him if possible. Actually Rod if you haven't done it yet could you hold off calling the hospital for about an hour so I can tell Gil?"_

"Not a problem. Call if you have any problems, do you still have my numbers? And try not to worry too much Catherine.

"_Thanks Rod. I do have your numbers, but I don't think we'll be able to do anything but worry. I'll talk to you tomorrow."_

When Rod hung up the phone he allowed himself to think about what Catherine had said about Sara being part of their family and having a history with Grissom.

Why would Sara leave her family behind, they clearly cared about her very much

And her history with the entomologist intrigued him, he knew from just general CSI circles that the man was close to fifty, making him about fifteen years older than Sara.

Could they have had a relationship?

Did they have a falling out and that's why Sara left Las Vegas?

Still pondering the answers to those questions, Rod gathered his things together and closed up the office. He would head home now and phone the hospital once he got home, that should give Catherine plenty of time to tell Dr. Grissom. He might even give Catherine another call early in the morning to see how things went with Dr. Grissom.

When Catherine hung up from Rod, she was shaking. It wasn't just the news that was upsetting her; it was the fact that she had to tell Grissom. He was one of her closest friends, how do you tell someone that the woman they love is lying injured in a hospital thousands of miles away.

Warrick stood and put his arm around her shoulders and guided her to the couch.

"Cath? Are you going to tell Grissom now? Do you want one of us to come with you?" he asked her. He could feel her shaking and he hugged her tighter.

"Umm… Yeah, I need to tell him before the hospital rings him. Seems he's Sara's Power of Attorney" she told them. "I think it's best if I do this alone. I don't think even our new Grissom would want too many witnesses when I break this news.

Nick and Greg, their faces showing their distress, just nodded. Neither of them trusted themselves to speak.

"Rick?" Catherine moved to stand and Warrick let his arm fall.

"We need to let Jim and Doc Robbins know what's happened. If I do need someone, I'll call Jim, he's known Gil even longer than I have so could you give him the heads up for me?"

"No problem Cath, I'm on it" Warrick was once again the rock holding them together. "Will you be ok?' he asked her, concern evident in his voice.

"Yeah, I'll be fine, I just need to get going."

It was going on eleven o'clock by the time Catherine arrived at Grissom's place. She had shed a few tears on the drive over, but had succeeded in keeping herself pretty much under control. She had gone over in her head a hundred times what she would say, she would need to be strong for him and she was determined that she would be.

The doorbell ringing so late at night had surprised Grissom and he was a little more taken aback at the sight of a visibly upset Catherine standing on his doorstep.

"Catherine. What are you doing here this late?" he asked anxiously.

"Umm...Gil…. Can I come in?" she asked, not meeting his eyes.

"Uhh… of course. Is everything ok?"

Catherine headed straight for the couch and sat down. She waited 'til he took a seat at the other end of the couch from her before speaking again.

"Gil have you seen any news today?" she began

He shook his head. "Not since this morning, why, did Ecklie hold another of his press conferences and mess up again?" he asked, even though he had a feeling it was much worse than that.

"Actually,no, though that would be a good reason. Gil, this is….ah….look, I'm just going to get straight to the point here" She took a deep breath and looked him straight in the face. "I had a phone call from Rod Marshall, he's Sara's supervisor. There was an explosion at a crime scene today, it's been all over the news. Sara was there Gil, she's in hospital, he said she's in ICU."

Catherine watched the colour drain from Grissom's face, and was thankful that he was already sitting. He opened his mouth to speak, but seemed to be having trouble forming the words. Reaching out Catherine took hold of his hand, immediately noticing how cold it was. She marvelled at his control, but then realised that the hand she was holding was shaking and that the shaking was steadily getting worse.

Finally after what seemed like an eternity he found his voice. His Sara, she's in ICU- but not dead. No at least she's not dead. He let out a long shaky sigh, almost a moan.

"H…how bad Cath?" his voice cracked even on those few words.

"I don't have all the details, but she has a broken arm and dislocated shoulder, fractured ribs that punctured her lung and…." she took a breath. "She has a fractured skull and is still unconscious, they are saying she is stable at the moment"

All Catherine could think of as he let himself be drawn into a hug was that for the first time since she had known him Gil Grissom let himself break.


	19. An Action Plan

A/N: Thanks to all those who continue to read this story and for the positive reviews. Not a long chapter again, another kinda filler I guess. GSR soon.

An Action Plan.

The knock on the door caused Catherine and Grissom to pull apart. Showing what Catherine thought was amazing self control Grissom stood, and she thought he was going to answer the door.

"Would you mind getting that Cath? I….I want to wash up a little" he sounded so tired.

"Of course. You go freshen up a bit. I'll get rid of whoever it is" Catherine could understand that he didn't need anyone to see him at the moment.

I didn't really surprise her to find Jim Brass on the doorstep. He looked pretty distraught himself and Catherine stepped aside to let him in.

"What are you doing here Jim, I left a message to say I'd call you when if I needed to."

"I know Cath, but I wanted to come anyway. How's he doing?" he sounded almost as tired as Gil. She understood his need to be there, Sara was important to him too.

"He's holding up. Just. I think the next step is to get him to Washington as soon as possible."

"That's one of the reasons I'm here. The boys have arranged a flight out of McCarran at five in the morning. I'll get him there. You just need to arrange for someone to meet him at the other end" Jim told her.

"Wow! That's great, one less thing he will have to worry about. I'm sure he'll be pleased with that."

"I'll be pleased with what? Hello Jim." Grissom had returned to hear the last bit of their conversation.

If they were surprised at how calm Grissom looked and sounded, the hid it well. He looked incredibly pale and tired, but his face was the professional mask he had always hidden behind. Catherine gave him a weak smile and headed to the kitchen.

"Coffee Jim? Gil?" she asked over her shoulder not really waiting on an answer.

"What will I be pleased about Jim" Grissom turned to his friend and gestured to the couch.

"The boys have booked you on a morning flight to Washington. It leaves at five and I will be your driver" Jim told him as he sat down.

"You're right, I am pleased. That was to be my first job" he turned as Catherine entered the room. "Do you have the name of the hospital Cath, I want to call, and I want to speak to Sara's supervisor too. What's his name again?"

"Actually I don't remember Rod mentioning the name of the hospital. I'll call him. Marshall, his name is Rod Marshall" she told him as she reached for her cell. She was still scrolling through the numbers when Grissom's phone rang.

"Gil Grissom" he listened carefully for a moment then stood and headed for his bedroom for some privacy.

Catherine and Jim exchanged a look before Jim spoke.

"Probably the hospital, guess we'll have more details when he's done."

Catherine just nodded and the two went back to sipping their coffee and waiting for Grissom to return.

It was ten minutes before he returned and the look on his face was enough to worry them both.

"Gil? Was that the hospital?" Catherine asked anxiously. She could see that he was struggling to remain calm.

"Umm….yeah….that was her doctor. She…ah…. They need to operate to relive some pressure on her brain. They want to do it tomorrow morning. She…umm….hasn't regained consciousness but he assures me she is strong enough to cope with the surgery." He looked from Jim to Catherine. "They won't know if she has suffered any lasting brain damage until she wakes up, which could be twenty-four hours after the surgery."

Neither Jim nor Catherine knew what to say, so Catherine just enveloped Grissom in another hug. She could feel him shaking and understood just how much strength it was taking him to maintain control of his emotions right now.

Jim looked at his watch to see that it was now just after one thirty. They had a little over three hours before Grissom's flight left Las Vegas. Moving to the kitchen he took down three glasses and the remaining half bottle of Scotch that he and Grissom had shared a week ago. He poured three good stiff drinks and carried them into the living room. Handing one to Catherine and another to Grissom he held his own glass up towards them.

"This is not a toast, but an acknowledgment of one very strong, independent woman, we all love and are not going to give up on. Not for one damn minute" he said solemnly.

Grissom, Catherine and Jim touched glasses together briefly before the two men slammed back their drinks and Catherine downed hers a little more slowly.

They sat again and Jim refilled their glasses. This time they sipped at their Scotch, each appearing deep in thought. It was Grissom who broke the silence.

"I was going to Washington in January" his quiet voice startled his companions.

"You were? You never said" Catherine answered.

"Yeah. Sara asked me to visit her for a couple of weeks. We were finally going to give us a go. You know? She even wanted me to stay with her." He sounded so defeated it almost broke Catherine's' heart.

"I take it things have been going well between you then?" Catherine asked.

"Yeah….We….ah….we've been talking a lot lately. We finally got all the shit in the past sorted out. Things have been great" Grissom took a deep breath and his voice shook when he spoke again. "I finally realised how much I love Sara and this trip was going to be my chance to prove it to her. I finally figured out what to do and some bastard with a bomb comes along and now I may never have the chance to tell her. What if she….what it I…." he broke off, dropping his head into his hands.

Catherine and Jim looked at the broken man in front of them, each contemplating the words and the emotion behind them.

"You know Gil?" It was Jim who finally broke the silence, and as Grissom lifted his head from his hands he continued.

"I think you might be underestimating Sara's strength and more importantly her determination. That girl never gives up. If she was willing to have your sorry butt in her apartment, after all you put her through, I think she may have already realised how serious you are about pursuing a relationship. If I know Sara she is not going to let you off the hook that easily. She's been waiting for years for you to say those three little words" he paused and looked at his long time friend, seeing the glimmer of hope rekindled in his eyes.

"She isn't going to give up easily and you shouldn't either my friend" he finished as he stood and retrieved their glassed.

"Jim's right Gil; now is not the time to wallow in self pity. Sara needs you and you need to get organised to go be with her. Come on I'll help you pack" Catherine held out her hand to pull him up.

He took the offered hand and followed her into his room. They were right, he knew it, and right then he determined he would be the strongest he could be to help Sara through this. So it was with a renewed vigour that he set about the task of packing and readying himself for what he knew was going to be a tough day ahead.


	20. Welcome to Washington

Chapter 19

A/N Thankyou to everyone who has read and reviewed. I can't believe how many people have actually read this thing or at least looked at it.

Welcome to Washington.

Though he was both mentally and physically exhausted, Grissom slept little on the plane. His couldn't seem to turn the thoughts in his head off for long enough to sleep, so all he had really done was doze.

Now, as he stands waiting for his luggage to appear on the carousel in front of him, his thoughts elsewhere, he could feel that exhaustion like a heavy weight.

He grabbed his bag when it presented itself and shifted his coat and laptop into a better carrying position and made his way towards the exit. Glancing around he tried to pick out the person meeting him, but was not having any success.

As he stood near the exit, pondering his next move, he felt someone stop next to him and he turned a little to see a young woman with blonde hair looking at him closely.

"Dr. Grissom?" she gave him a wan smile as she asked the question.

He turned fully towards her and nodded.

"My name is Allison Campbell, I work with Sara. Welcome to Washington. I know you were expecting Rod, but he wasn't sure if he would be able to get here in time so he sent me" she spoke quickly as if trying to reassure Grissom, taking the fact that the man was looking exhausted.

"Let's get you out of here" she gestured towards the exit as Grissom picked up his bag.

Allison continued to speak as she led him to the car. Grissom was surprised to see that it was parked in a no parking zone not far from the doors with another FBI agent standing next to it.

"I hope you weren't waiting too long. I had a little trouble recognising you. I've only seen you on the cover of one of your entomology books that Sara has and from some photos in her apartment. I don't know if you remember me or not, but I spoke to you on the phone the night of the bank shooting after Sara fell asleep."

"It's fine, I hadn't been there long" he replied absently, his mind struck by the fact that Sara had photos of him in her apartment and they were out where visitors could see them.

The agent minding the car grabbed Grissom's bag and threw it in the trunk, before climbing into the driver's seat.

Once they were settled in the car, Allison introduced the agent driving.

"Our driver here is another member of our team. Richard Harper."

"Nice to meet you Dr. Grissom, I imagine you're rather tired, but I'm guessing you want to go straight to the hospital. We should be there in about forty minutes, traffic permitting. If you want to try and catch a little shut-eye, we won't be offended, we know what it's like to try and sleep on a plane" the younger man told him, after looking the older man over, he decided that Grissom was probably not in the mood for small talk and some sleep wouldn't hurt him.

"Thankyou. Actually that sounds like a good idea. Do you have any updates on Sara's condition?" Grissom asked.

"Nothing you don't already know, we haven't talked to anyone other than Rod so far today" Richard told him.

"Oh….ok" Grissom replied before falling silent.

It was quiet in the car for the rest of the journey from the airport and Grissom found himself lulled to sleep quite quickly by the sound of the engine and the quiet chatter from the two other occupants of the vehicle.

He woke as they were pulling into a multi-storeyed car park, which he assumed was at the hospital. He was fully awake and alert by the time both Richard and Allison had exited the car and he was quick to join them.

"You can leave your things in the car if you like" Allison gestured to his laptop and coat.

"Thanks" he leant in and covered his laptop with his coat and then closed the car door.

They took the lift to the ground floor and then headed across a small open area and into a lobby to another set of lifts which would take them upstairs to the ICU.

Allison and Richard exchanged glances as Grissom, obviously anxious raced out of the lift before stopping suddenly just outside the doors. As they reached him, he fell into step beside them as they made their way to the nurses' station.

They hung back as he introduced himself to the nurse on duty and requested to speak to Dr. Lucas.

He only had to wait a few minutes before a man in a white coat was striding down the corridor towards them. He extended his hand to Grissom, and nodded to Allison and Richard.

"Dr. Grissom?" he raised his eyebrows in question. "I'm Marc Lucas, the doctor co-ordinating Miss Sidle's care, we spoke on the phone."

"Gil Grissom, how is she? Can I see her?" Now that he was right there all Grissom wanted was to see her as soon as he could.

"Dr. Grissom lets go find somewhere comfortable to sit so that I can fill you in on what is happening with Sara and what we are planning."

Grissom glanced at the others. As if reading his mind, Richard looked at Allison and nodded.

"We'll go get a coffee Dr. Grissom, and let Rod know you have arrived safely"

"Ah…. Thanks Richard and it's just Grissom."

"Right, we'll wait back here for you if we get done before you" and with that he and Allison headed back towards the lift.

Grissom allowed the doctor to lead the way to a small room not far from the waiting room. It was furnished with a couple of comfortable chairs and a couch, plus a tea and coffee machine.

Dr Lucas headed straight for the coffee machine and motioned for Grissom to do the same. Sitting in one of the chairs Grissom sipped at his coffee and waited for the doctor to begin.

"I'm sure you are anxious to see Miss Sidle, but before you do I would like to discuss her injuries in more detail than I did when we spoke on the phone" he paused and Grissom nodded for him to continue.

"Miss Sidle has a number of problems. Firstly, her left shoulder was dislocated by her impact with the ground, the radius and ulna of the same arm are both fractured; though the fractures were not displaced, so we were able to reduce the shoulder and plaster her arm without surgical intervention. He left lung was punctured by one of her fractured ribs, but we were able to insert a chest tube and reinflate her lung. The bleeding has subsided on its own, which is what we were hoping would happen."

Grissom interrupted him with a question. "So she is breathing on her own then?"

"Actually, she probably could but we have her heavily sedated and on a ventilator to rest her as much as possible, hopefully though she won't need it for too much longer."

Grissom was concerned when he heard that she was heavily sedated and voiced those concerns to Dr. Lucas.

"I always understood that sedation in head injuries was contra-indicated, isn't it risky?"

"That it is, under most circumstances. You seem to have a good understanding of these things, am I to assume that you have a background in medicine?" he asked Grissom, his curiosity piqued.

"No, my specialty is entomology, but like Sara I am a crime scene investigator and spent a number of my earlier years as a coroner so most of my knowledge comes from those experiences. Please forgive me if I seem rude, I'm not known for my people skills as Sara would attest to if she could and at the moment…." he trailed off.

"No, no it's ok, it makes it so much easier to explain, I don't have to dumb it down for you" Dr. Lucas reassured him.

"Our biggest concern has been the fracture to Sara's skull. It is a small depressed fracture that we need to lift and secure back in place. All the scans indicate that there is no underlying haemorrhage, but there will always be some soft tissue inflammation, causing swelling. We wanted to wait for surgery if we could until the thoracic team were happy with her lung. Luckily there has been no deterioration in her neurological state, so we have been able to do just that."

Dr. Lucas looked long and hard at the man opposite him before continuing.

"We are now ready to operate, she is stable and the sooner we can fix that skull fracture, the sooner we can let her wake up."

"What do you need from me?" Grissom posed the question, though he already knew the answer.

"As her medical proxy, we need your permission to proceed with the operation. It is really just a formality, you understand, but one I prefer to undertake if possible."

"Certainly, I'll do whatever is needed to give Sara the best chance possible. Can I see her now please" Grissom had managed to keep himself composed, but the fact that Sara- his Sara- was headed for delicate surgery very soon, was pushing him closer to the edge.

"Of course, I'll take you in to her now, and go and organise the necessary papers for you to sign." With that he stood and Grissom followed him from the room towards the first reunion with the woman he loved in almost a year.

Dr. Lucas left Grissom at the door and went to collect the papers. Taking a deep breath, Grissom readied himself for his first sight of Sara.

Opening the door he took a step inside and stopped. The first thing he noticed was the multitude of sounds that assaulted him. From the steady beeping of her heartbeat, the hissing and popping of the ventilator, the occasional beep of the other machines surrounding her, to the steady hum of the air-conditioning, he was aware of everything. Stepping closer, his breath caught in his throat as he took in the bruised and battered appearance of the woman lying so still in the bed in front of him.

Another few steps brought him to the side of the bed and as he settled himself into the chair at the bedside he found himself reaching for her hand and bringing it to his cheek, before placing a gentle kiss on its back. He was surprised at the warmth; he had expected her skin to feel a lot cooler.

Fighting his emotions, he leant forward and placed a kiss on her cheek. He found he needed to talk to her, even if she couldn't hear him.

"Oh Sara! This is not quite how I pictured our reunion. I'm sure it's not how you pictured it either. They are going to take you for surgery soon so I can't stay long but I want you to know that I'll be right here when you wake up. Everything will be fine, you will be fine. Everyone in Vegas is praying for you and I'm pretty sure Jim is going to come to visit as soon as you are up to it. They all send their love, even Ecklie. Who would have thought" he stopped and looked up as the doctor entered the room.

"I have to go now honey the doctor has papers for me to sign." Standing, he leant over her and placed a kiss on each of her closed eyelids, whispering "I love you" softly as he placed her hand back on the bed and moved away.

He was almost finished signing the papers when he noticed Allison and Richard had returned.

He completed the forms and made his way to the nurse's desk, handing them to Dr. Lucas who was waiting.

"We have the surgery scheduled for a half hour from now, she will be moved very shortly, as soon as they have finished prepping her" he told Grissom.

"How long do you expect the surgery to take, or is it too difficult to tell?" Grissom asked.

"Usually I'd say two to three hours, from the time they enter the operating room til they return to the recovery room. After that it may be up to an hour before she is back here in the ICU. So probably about four hours give or take" he looked at Grissom, whose exhaustion was palpable. "Why don't you try and get some rest, I know you want to be there when she wakes up, but it may be several hours after she returns before that happens."

He could see Grissom was hesitant to leave, so he shot a glance at the others.

Richard stepped forward.

"Um….Grissom, why don't we get you to your hotel, or if you'd rather we can take you over to Sara's place. I'm sure you could do with a shower and maybe something to eat, it's got to be a while since you ate, and you can't consider airline food as edible."

Grissom had to admit he was tired and hungry, and a shower sounded pretty good too. He nodded his acceptance of the offer and he saw the younger man visibly relax.

With Dr. Lucas' reassurances that he would be called immediately if anything happened Grissom joined Allison and Richard and headed to the lifts.


	21. A Long Day

A/N: Thankyou for your continued support and I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

A Long Day

Richard and Allison dropped Grissom off at his hotel, leaving only after he promised to try and sleep and that he would call when he was ready to go back to the hospital.

Grissom had felt guilty making a promise he had no intention of keeping, but he knew he would not be able to settle until he was back at the hospital again.

So, a half hour later Grissom was showered, changed into fresh clothes and heading downstairs to the café.

He phoned Catherine while he waited for his food and filled her in on what was happening with Sara, asking her to pass the information on to the others for him. After assuring her that he would take care of himself he hung up and attempted to eat.

Another half hour and he had eaten all his unsettled stomach could handle. He did down two cups of their rather strong black coffee, hoping that it's caffeine would see him through several more hours.

Another ten minutes and he was settled in the back of a cab, giving the driver the hospital's address. He closed his eyes for a moment, not in tiredness, but to try and gather his thoughts together. His mind was racing with all the possibilities regarding the outcome of Sara's surgery. His biggest fear was that she would have some permanent disability from her injury. It didn't matter to him, he knew that she would always be his Sara, but her intelligence and her fierce independence were what she valued most about herself and he didn't believe she would cope well with anything that would affect either.

Her road to recovery was going to be a long one, and he wanted to be there every step of the way. Her independence would again be the issue; because he knew she would not accept help freely, it was just her nature, her hating to be dependent on anyone was well known. Well she would just have to learn to accept his help and the help of her friends here in Washington. He already knew she had good friends in her co-workers, even though he had only had a short time with them, he could tell they cared and the fact that Rod Marshall had taken the time to let the Las Vegas crew know about Sara before they heard it on the news was a point in his favour too.

He opened his eyes as the cab pulled into the driveway of the hospital and he quickly payed the driver and got out. He made his way to the lifts and punched in the button for the fifth floor, as he had been directed by the receptionist at the front desk. Apparently the surgical waiting area and the ICU shared the same floor.

Exiting the lift, he turned left to the waiting area, instead of right to the ICU as he had been instructed and he soon found himself at a small reception desk.

"Excuse me" he spoke quietly to the woman behind the desk. "I'm waiting for news on Sara Sidle, she is probably still in surgery, but I wondered if there is somewhere I could wait for her doctor?"

The woman looked at her list, before glancing up at him once more. "Miss Sidle is still in surgery, I'll show you where you can wait for Dr. Lucas." She stood and gestured for him to follow.

At the door to a small room she stopped and gestured for him to enter.

"I'll make a note that you will be waiting here for Dr. Lucas" she told him before turning away.

"Thankyou" he was speaking to her retreating back.

Taking a seat, he settled back, to wait. It was not his intention to fall asleep, but the comfortable seat and the quiet room worked against him and that is precisely what he did within minutes of sitting down.

He awoke to the quiet murmur of voices and as he slowly regained his senses, he realised he was no longer alone. There were others in the small room, and it took him a few minutes to realise he had been joined Allison, Richard and a man he presumed was Rod Marshall, Sara's supervisor.

As he sat up and tried to relieve the kink in his neck, they stopped talking and looked over at him.

"Oh damn! Sorry Grissom, we were trying not to wake you, even though you didn't look that comfortable" Allison was apologetic, then her tone changed. "Mind you, we didn't expect to find you here, I thought you were going to have a sleep…. in a proper bed."

Richard and Rod looked from her to Grissom, wondering what on earth had possessed her to speak like that to a man she hardly knew. They half expected him to be angry at her, so they were totally taken aback, when after a moment he let out hearty chuckle. They let out a breath of relief, that was not missed by either Grissom or Allison and it caused Allison to blush.

Before she could offer an apology Grissom addressed her.

"Do you know how many times Sara has said those exact same words to me over the years?" he asked her, a smile lighting up his tired features. "Although she is usually much more…" he searched for the correct word.

"Forceful" Richard supplied.

"Emphatic, abrupt" added Rod.

Grissom had to laugh a little then, and the tension in the room lifted greatly.

Rod held out his hand to Grissom. "Rod Marshall, it's a pleasure to meet you, I just wish the circumstances had been different" he had an easy manner and Grissom found himself relaxing as he responded.

"Gil Grissom, though it's usually just Grissom. I have heard a bit about each of you from time to time" he saw Rod's eyebrow lift at his statement. "Mostly good stuff though I assure you."

Rod nodded. "More than I can say about you, but then we all know that Sara tends to keep her private life just that, private" he glanced at the others and they nodded their agreement.

By the smirk on Allison's face, Grissom thought she might know a little more than the others, but he decided not to push the issue. He would have plenty of time to find out later.

They chatted quietly for a while, and as the time dragged by Grissom began to check the clock more frequently, getting restless despite all his attempts to not let his anxiety get the better of him. He was grateful when, after they had been waiting for about two and half hours, Richard and Allison offered to go and get coffee and find something to eat, leaving Rod and Grissom alone to wait.

It was not long after they had left that Dr. Lucas made an appearance. Grissom was on his feet in an instant, closely followed by Rod. Dr. Lucas took in the tired and anxious countenance of both men and gave them a nod and a smile. Taking the gestures as good news, the two men exchanged relieved looks, but didn't relax completely.

"Sara came through the surgery well" Dr. Lucas told them, smiling. "She is in recovery and all being well should be transferred back to ICU in about a half hour or so. We could find no bleeding under the fracture, but it will take time for the swelling to dissipate. I see no reason why she should not wake up fairly quickly, though only time will tell."

"Does that mean she will not be sedated and on the ventilator?" Grissom asked.

"No more sedation at this stage, although she will be pretty doped up with pain relief; and no, no more ventilator."

"How long will she need to stay in the ICU?" this time it was Rod asking the question.

"Twenty-four to forty-eight hours, depending on how her conscious state is."

"As Sara was injured while working the bureau will be covering her medical costs" Rod paused as Grissom looked at him strangely and Dr. Lucas nodded. "We will require a single room, if one is not available, a double will do, but we will not allow anyone else in with her." The tone of his voice encouraged no argument, and Grissom couldn't help but smile by the look on the doctor's face as he quickly agreed, before turning and leaving the two men.

Rod smiled at Grissom, who was shaking his head at the sudden appearance of the FBI agent persona.

"Thanks Rod. I know as well as you do that just because Sara was injured on the job it doesn't entitle her to a single room so if you have any problems with the bureau I am happy to pay the costs." Grissom was sincerely grateful and it gave him an indication that Rod truly cared for Sara's well-being. If Sara was in a room on her own she would not have to be alone, someone could stay with her (he could stay with her) as much as possible.

"It won't be a problem; I'll make sure of that."

His tone made Grissom wonder just what had actually happened at the scene of the explosion and he made a mental note to get all the details from Rod at some stage; just not yet. Right now he wanted to concentrate on Sara.

"Besides" Rod continued. "She will probably be here for a while; at least a single room will offer her some privacy and comfort." He was figuring that Grissom would be spending a lot of time in the room too.

It was at that point that Allison and Richard returned bearing a coffee and pastry for each of them. Once Rod had filled them in on the good news, they settled down and for the first time in hours they all felt relaxed enough to actually enjoy the food and drinks.

They had finished the coffee and pastry by the time one of the ICU nurses came to tell them that Sara had returned from the recovery room.

There was no question that Grissom should be the one to see her first and he quickly followed the nurse out the door.

This time when Grissom entered the room it was without hesitation. The first thing he noticed was the bandage covering a large portion of Sara's head. It was crazy, but the first thing that came into his mind when he saw her was '_I wonder how much of her hair they had to shave; she's going to be royally pissed off'._ He shook his head, wondering where on earth that had come from and pulled the chair closer to the bed. Her pale face and dark hair looked stark against the pillow, but she did look peaceful in her drug induced sleep.

Once again he took her hand in his, entwining his fingers with hers and wondering at how perfectly they fit together.

"Everything went fine honey. Now you just have to wake up for me ok? I can only stay for a few minutes right now, so that Allison and Richard and Rod can come and see you too, then I'm coming right back. I'm going to be here when you wake up. Is it selfish that I want to be the first thing you see when you open those beautiful eyes?" he told her.

He continued to sit quietly beside her for a few more minutes, content to be close by. Eventually he let go of her hand and stood, placing a gentle kiss on her lips before moving to the door so that the others could visit.

When he re-entered the waiting room, he was smiling and the three occupants of the room were relieved to see it. It had been such a long day and now they could finally see Sara. Grissom walked with them down the hallway to the ICU, and waited outside while they took turns to visit.

Allison went in first, and she was pleased to see that Sara actually looked a lot better than the last time she saw her. She bent a placed a kiss on her forehead, mindful of the bruises and grazes.

"Hey Sar! Can't stay long this time. I'm so glad you're doing ok, you scared us Sara, scared us bad. But at least I got a chance to meet the man in your life. Wow Sara, I think he really loves you; you should have seen him when he got here, he was really worried about you. Now he can't keep the smile off his face. You are one lucky girl." She stopped and smiled at her friend, even though Sara couldn't see it. "I gotta go and let the others come see you, but I'll be back tomorrow."

Richard was next. He sat in the chair beside the bed and took Sara's hand gently.

"Hey Sara! I'm so glad you're ok. I don't think I could handle another day like today. It's the waiting, it's just too stressful. It's been hard on us, especially Grissom, he really cares about you, you know. But I know it's been harder on you, so now you just need to rest and get better. I'll be back tomorrow unless that slave driver of a boss finds us work to do, so I'm gonna go and let him come in." He let go of her hand and placed a soft kiss on her forehead before leaving the room.

When Rod entered, he too went straight for the chair and picked up her hand.

"You know, I'm getting too old for this type of shit Sidle. You know this job is stressful enough without you adding to it. By the way, I like that man from Vegas Sara. I know you like to keep your private life to yourself, but I don't think you should hide him away any more. I'd say he's got it bad for you girl, don't let him get away. Anyway, I'm gonna go and let him back in before he tries to have me thrown out. I'll be back tomorrow to check on both of you" his words were gruff, but his voice tender as he placed her hand back down on the bed and made his way out of the room.

Grissom was surprised that they didn't spend longer with Sara, but he was not going to complain, because it meant he could go back in much sooner than he had thought.

"I just wanted to say thankyou for everything you've done today, I may not have shown it, but I really have been glad to have your company." He told the three federal agents. "Will you be back later?"

"No, we'll leave her to you for now, we'll be back tomorrow. Try and get some sleep yourself will you; you won't be any good to Sara if you're exhausted." Rod told him, giving him a smile. "Call us if you need anything, any time."

"Actually Rod, there is something you could do for me. I don't suppose you could call Catherine for me, I'm too tired to deal with her inquisition just at the moment and I'd have to leave the building to call her. I want to be there when Sara wakes up." he asked hesitantly, knowing that he was just putting of the inevitable.

"Not a problem, I'll fill her in and tell her you'll call her once Sara wakes up" he looked at Grissom once more. "Well, we'll be off if there is nothing else we can do for you. We'll see you tomorrow."

Rod and Richard shook Grissom's hand, but Allison wrapped him in a hug, whispering "_Take good care of her and for goodness sake tell her how you feel"_ before releasing him and following the others to the lift.

Grissom was a little stunned, maybe Allison does know more than the others.

"Allison?" She stopped and looked back at him. "I intend to" he told her, smiling.


	22. ICU and Beyond

Chapter 21

A/N: I continue to be amazed by all the support and reviews, thankyou. I hope you continue to enjoy reading this as much as I am enjoying writing it.

ICU and beyond.

Once the others had left, Grissom headed back to Sara's room. A nurse was hovering over Sara, checking the various machines and Sara herself.

"You must be Mr Grissom" she spoke quietly, as if not wanting to disturb the patient. "My name is Andrea and I will be looking after Miss Sidle this afternoon. I just need to finish here and then I will leave you alone. The call button is here on the wall" she indicated a button just above the head of the bed. "If you need anyone, or if she wakes up please don't hesitate to call me. Unfortunately I have to keep coming in and out every half hour for a while, though I'll try not to disturb you."

By the time she had finished speaking, she had finished what she needed to do and headed out the door.

Grissom smiled to himself, everyone had been so nice here, he would make sure he thanked them appropriately. He took the seat next to Sara once more and looked at her more closely than he had earlier.

For the first time he saw the purple and black bruising on her face and when he glanced down to where her gown sat low on her shoulders, he could see the extensive bruising on her left shoulder, vivid evidence of the dislocation.

For the first time since he had arrived he allowed himself to see how badly she had been injured and then the relief hit him like a Mack truck. It left him with an exhaustion so profound that it was all he could do to stay upright in the chair. His body seemed to have a will of it's own and as he once more entwined his fingers through Sara's, he laid his head on the bed next to her; a few tears escaped his eyes before he was pulled down into a heavy sleep.

The nurse came and went every half hour, but still he did not disturb. When the shift changed at eleven pm he still had not stirred.

He came to consciousness slowly, hearing soft whispers. Slowly raising his head he glanced at the clock above the door, astonished to see that it read eleven ten. Looking around he realised that the whispers were coming from the two nurses standing on the other side of the bed from him. He felt a fleeting moment of panic that there were two nurses there and they turned to look at him as he sat up.

Seeing the look of panic, they were quick to reassure him.

"We're so sorry Mr Grissom; we were just checking a new lot of pain relief for Miss Sidle….."

He held his hand up to stop her. "No…that's ok, I didn't mean to fall asleep." He looked at the clock again and then down at Sara. "Has she woken yet?"

"Not yet, but she's starting to get a little restless in her sleep, so I don't think it will be too long now."

"Oh good…..I mean…..I'm glad I wasn't asleep and missed her waking up. Can I get a coffee anywhere at this time of night?"

"Not really, but if you promise not to tell anyone, I'll make you one when I make ours shortly" it was the dark haired nurse that spoke.

"Thankyou, but I don't want to get you into trouble ah…." He broke off, not knowing her name.

"I'm Lesley and I'm taking over from Andrea, and it's no problem" she smiled at him. "I'd hate for you to miss her waking up."

They left the room, leaving Grissom alone with Sara once more. There was only subdued lighting in the room now, but Grissom could see well enough. He stood and moved around the room a bit to stretch limbs cramped by sleeping in the chair. Sara had still not woken twenty minutes later when Lesley had returned with his coffee, but he noted her increased leg movements and the occasional slight head movement.

Lesley stood and watched Sara for a few minutes and nodded. "It' won't be long now" she said and left the room.

He had just finished his coffee and had taken her hand in his again when he noticed the fluttering of her eyelids.

"Sara. Sara honey can you hear me?" Grissom softly stroked her face with the fingertips of one hand while his other gripped hers tightly. He could feel her hand clench slightly in his and he kept up the gently movements as he soothed her.

"It's ok Sara, everything is fine, you just need to wake up now ok? Open those beautiful eyes for me, I know you want to. Come on honey open them for me please?" He leant over her, bringing his face closer, he truly wanted to be the first thing she saw when she opened her eyes.

In her foggy brain, Sara was trying to figure out how to open her eyes. She knew how, why wouldn't they open? She tried moving her hands up to rub them, but they felt too heavy to move and all she could get them to do was open and close.

As her mind began to slowly clear, she was hit by a wave of pain and nausea. Her whole body; from her head to her toes felt like it was on fire and she clenched her fists and scrunched up her eyes in an attempt to fight it. Now she could feel something squeezing her right hand, and a voice, at least she thought it was a voice whispering soothing words and a hand on her face.

The hand felt warm and strangely comforting and as she relaxed a little her awareness heightened and she thought she knew that voice. There it was again asking her to open her eyes and with one final effort, Sara slowly opened her eyes to look directly into a pair of moist blue ones.

Two sets of eyes; one brown, cloudy with sleep and pain, the other a blue bright with moisture held each other for what seemed like an eternity.

Grissom was barely holding himself together as he brought her hand to his lips and placed a soft kiss on her knuckles, before allowing a broad smile to lighten his face.

"Hey" was all he could manage as a tear finally slid down his cheek.

Sara held his eyes for a little longer, before blinking back her own tears at the sight of his. She didn't really understand, but through the haze of pain she gave him a small smile in return. She swallowed, grimacing at the soreness of her throat and opened her mouth to speak, but could only manage a strangled croak.

"Shh…. Let me get the nurse and then maybe we can get something for your throat ok?" Grissom kept his grip on her hand as he pushed the call bell.

Sara gave a slight nod, a mistake she decided as a bolt of pain shot through her skull and shoulder, a sudden look of panic appearing on her face. Why did she hurt so much? A tear slid silently down her cheek, she wasn't sure if it was because of the pain, or the sudden look of panic on Grissoms' face.

Just then Lesley appeared and took in the looks on both faces.

"Sara, can you look at me for a minute. It's all right, let's just give you some more pain relief ok" she told her gently. She swiftly checked Sara's vital signs and her pupils, then her wound and watched quietly as Sara drifted off to sleep once more, she then turned her attention to Grissom

"For the moment Sara will need high doses of pain relief and the morphine will keep her pretty much knocked out for most of the next twenty four hours. This is quite normal and believe me it is much easier for her this way" Lesley told Grissom.

"Now we just want to keep her comfortable, so awake periods will probably be short, but she will be more alert each time she wakes. Now is probably a good time for you to go and take care of yourself Mr Grissom. Go eat, shower, get some fresh air" she stared at him. "This is going to be a long process, and to be able to take care of Sara you need to take care of yourself. She should go to the ward sometime tomorrow all being well. Why don't you come back then?"

Grissom glared at her for a moment before deciding that she was probably right. He hadn't slept properly for over two days and he was beginning to realise he couldn't survive on just coffee. He nodded his agreement and saw the nurse visibly relax.

"I will, but you'll call me if there's any change? Will you call me if you need me? Sara is not one who takes orders well, she is fiercely independent and can be very stubborn at times" he felt himself smile as he finished.

Lesley could understand his hesitation so was quick to reassure him.

"Go Mr Grissom. Don't worry we have it all under control" she told him as she left the room.

Grissom looked down at a sleeping Sara and squeezed her hand once more. He bent and placed a gentle kiss on her lips, noting how dry they felt. He traced his fingers down her face and smiled.

"I'll be back soon honey. Sleep. I love you."

Sara stirred slightly, his words and the kiss partially penetrating her drug filled sleep.

With a last look back, Grissom headed out of the room and made his way to the lifts.

--

Glancing at the bedside clock for what must have been the fiftieth time since he had finally crawled into bed at two am, Grissom sighed in frustration. Seven am, five hours of dozing off, waking, checking the clock and dozing off again. He was tired; he just couldn't turn his brain off long enough to sleep properly.

The logical part of his brain told him that Sara was fine where she was, that she would be sleeping, she wouldn't miss his not being there. Then the illogical side stepped in and made it clear that he should be there making sure she was sleeping and that they were looking after her.

Hence the lack of sleep.

He dragged himself out of bed and headed for the shower. He had a list of things he wanted to do today and he was eager to get an early start so that he could get back to the hospital as soon as he could. Once he had showered, he gathered the list he had written the night before and headed downstairs for breakfast.

While he waited for his food, he called Allison to enlist her help for a few of the things on his list. He then called Catherine and gave her as much of an update as he could and a promise to call as soon as Sara had been transferred to her own room.

By the time he had eaten, Allison had joined him and he explained his plans for the day over a cup of coffee. They went their separate ways and agreed to meet again at the café at eleven.

Allison was waiting for Grissom when he arrived at the café, bags in hand. She smiled when she was the names on a couple of the bags, Sara was one lucky lady.

"Hi Grissom, I got everything you wanted plus a couple of other things I thought of" she gestured at the bags he was putting on the floor by his chair. "I see you got a few things too" she laughed at the expression on his face as he sat.

"Yeah….ah….I may have got a little carried away" he shrugged his shoulders as if to say '_what ya gonna do?' _and grinned.

He waved over a waitress and ordered coffee and cake for them both before turning back to his companion.

"Thankyou so much for doing this for me, I'm sure I would have gotten the wrong things. Did you have any trouble finding anything?" he asked.

"Nope. She's gonna freak when she realises what we got though" she told him.

Grissom smiled and shrugged again. "I'll deal with that when the time comes"

They chatted amiably while they drank and ate and Grissom discovered that Allison was a bright and intelligent woman. He liked her and understood why she and Sara got along so well. Sara was lucky to have a friend like her.

When Grissom looked at his watch again he was startled to see that it was already after twelve and he frowned, he hadn't meant to be this later than he had intended

Allison saw the frown and realised the problem. "Well, I'm rested now, so how about I drop you at the hospital. Do you want me to bring all this stuff with me later on or are you going to take it?" she asked.

"Actually you bringing them later might be a good idea. If they haven't moved her yet, I don't think they'll let me in with all this" he waved an arm to indicate the bags.

Together they left the hotel and when Allison dropped Grissom off, she was surprised to see him take a small bag from inside one of the larger ones before getting out. As she drove off, she wondered what he had bought that couldn't wait til that evening.

--

When Grissom arrived at Sara's room, he was met with a hive of activity. It scared him at first, but then he realised that Dr. Lucas was standing at the side watching and he relaxed slightly.

Dr. Lucas caught sight of Grissom as he hesitated in the doorway and made his way over.

"Dr. Grissom, great timing, we have just been getting her ready to move her into her own room on the ward." he was smiling broadly as he spoke.

"That's great" Grissom replied, a matching smile on his face. "She's doing well then?"

"Better than we expected, she has been awake a few times overnight and this morning, though not for long" he adde quickly as he saw Grissom's brow furrow.

"All her tests are coming back looking very positive. I think she'll do very nicely."

Grissom's shoulders sagged with relief, it was very good news. He continued to watch as the orderlies began to move the bed while the nurse watched over the equipment and Sara. There was still quite a bit of monitoring going on he noted, but not as much as last night.

He stepped aside to allow them through and fell into step behind the little procession.

Sara's new room was indeed a single, with a large window to the outside on one wall. There was a comfortable looking armchair Grissom noted gratefully as he watched them get her settled.

Once everyone else had left he grabbed a small chair and took up a position as close to her as he could get. He held her hand tightly in his, lacing his fingers through hers as if he had always done it. He watched her closely, waiting for any indication that she was about to wake. He glanced at the clock to see that it was now two thirty and with a sigh he turned back to continue his vigil.

It took a moment to register that he was no longer looking at closed eyes, but looking straight at a pair of sleepy brown ones. His own eyes locked with hers and he smiled. This time there was no panic in them and they stayed open, just staring into his.

When she broke contact; it was to take in her surroundings and when she saw their laced fingers his smile was mirrored by her weak one.

"You look tired" the voice was soft and unsteady.

"Well….I haven't had much sleep lately, what with phone calls and plane trips and hospital visits" his voice was soft too and he had trouble controlling it. He stared at her face for a long time and he couldn't stop his eyes from filling with tears.

"I'm sorry" she whispered, her eyes not leaving his face.

"Oh honey…. No….you have nothing to be sorry for. It's just a little change in our plans, its ok" his hand softly stroked her cheek and he watched as she closed her eyes and drifted off again.

He settled back in the chair, still holding her hand, waiting for the next time she woke.

That was the pattern for the next few days, though each time Sara woke, she stayed awake a little longer. Grissom went back to his hotel each night and returned the next morning. The nurses were quite happy for him to stay as long as he wanted, because his presence seemed to have a calming effect on Sara.


	23. Out of Breath

Chapter 22

Out of Breath

It was now three days after Sara's surgery. The tube in her chest that had helped reinflate her lung had been removed early this morning, so now only an IV line remained in, so that she could continue to get her antibiotics.

Sara was relieved to get rid of the chest tube; it had been restricting and had pulled every time she moved and Sara had been positive it was the biggest cause of her pain. Now however, she was beginning to think otherwise. Sure that had gone, but now they had her moving about the more and that hurt. If it wasn't her shoulder, it was her ribs and it still hurt if she moved her head too quickly.

To top that off, one of the nursed had just informed her that she would be back in ten minutes to get her into the shower. Now it wasn't that Sara didn't want a shower, oh she did, in fact she never wanted another sponge bath as long as she lived. It was the thought of all that pain. It hurt so much, and it scared her, and that scared her even more. What had happened to '_Miss I Will not Give In to Pain or Illness Sidle'._

When the nurse returned, Sara still hadn't figured it out.

Gritting her teeth against the pain, Sara let herself be helped out of bed and together they slowly walked to the bathroom. A chair was placed in the shower stall and Sara sank slowly and gingerly onto it while the nurse covered her plastered arm with a plastic bag. For a short while, Sara revelled in the feel of the warm water, but she quickly became tired and impatient to get back to bed.

"_God! How fickle can I get? First I don't want to shower, then I'm loving it and now all I want to do is go back to bed" _

The nurse quickly dried Sara off and began to dress her. It was only when she had finished that Sara realised she was not in a hospital gown any more, but a pair of light purple satin shortie pyjamas.

"That must feel better Sara" the nurse stated. "Getting into your own things is always a good feeling, and these are really lovely and soft."

"These are not mine" Sara told her. "They must have been put hereby mistake. I usually just sleep in whatever is handy."

"Oh no. There are at least a half dozen pairs like this in your cupboard, plus a dressing gown and slippers. Oh and if you like, I'll brush your hair for you and pop on one of the scarves you have too. That way your head wound won't be obvious."

All the while they were talking the nurse had got Sara out of the bathroom and back to her freshly made bed. She helped Sara climb in and covered her over with….

Sara gasped. "Where did this come from?" Sara finally found her voice. It was shaking now with weariness and emotion.

On the bed was a quilt, with a beautiful floral cover and instead of the normal hospital pillows there was a lovely soft horse-shoe shaped pillow that was covered in a soft satin pillowcase.

"Well, we had a special request for you to be allowed to have your own bedding and as you will still be here for a while yet, we thought ….why not?" Sara was told.

As Sara settled into the bed, she couldn't help the tears. No-one had ever done something so thoughtful for her and she was overwhelmed by the gesture. The bed felt so much more comfortable and much less like hospital.

Noticing the tears the nurse left the room, returning a few minutes later with some pain relief.

"Would you still like me to do your hair for you Sara?" she asked softly.

All Sara could do was nod and ten minutes later she was having a beautiful silk scarf wrapped around her head.

"That looks lovely Sara, those colours help put a little colour back in your cheeks"

She watched as Sara, comfortably cushioned in her new pillows closed her eyes before leaving the room.

--

When Sara woke, she felt a lot better. She was still trying to figure out where all the new things in her room had come from when her door opened and Allison entered.

"Wow! Will you look at you." She exclaimed as she covered the short distance to the bed. She dropped a kiss on Sara's forehead and sat down. "You look…. human."

"Gee thanks. I think." Sara gave her friend a smile. "You want to tell me about all this stuff?" she gestured to herself and the bed.

"Nope."

"I see, never mind, I will find out you know. I'm an investigator and I'm good at my job" Sara told her.

"How are you feeling Sar?"

"Actually, not bad. Tired and sore, but not bad. I had a shower this morning and that kinda knocked me for a while. I keep dropping off to sleep all the time."

"I guess that's to be expected. At least you won't try to overdo it if you keep falling asleep" Allison grinned at Sara.

"I wish I could concentrate more, but I can't, it hurts my head too much….."She broke off at Allison's laughter.

"I'm sorry sweetie, I just got a mental picture of you frowning in concentration and then your head exploding, like on a cartoon" she laughed again at the expression on Sara's face.

Sara was holding her head and trying not to laugh because it hurt her head and her ribs. All she could do was take in short gasping breaths and even that hurt like hell.

I t took Allison a minute or two to realise Sara was not actually laughing and she jumped up in fright to press the call bell when the door opened again and Grissom and Rod entered the room.

Grissom took in the sight of a gasping Sara and almost ran to the bed

"What is it? Sara, what's wrong?" he was almost frantic and just as he was about to call out for help, Sara grasped his hand, shaking her head.

"This is my fault" Allison was close to tears. 'I made a joke and Sara started to laugh and then she started to gasp and….." she couldn't finish.

By this time, Sara's breathing was settling and she managed to get out the words "I'm….ok….it's….ok…..just…..minute."

She was gripping Grissom's hand so tightly it was hurting him, but he didn't care. He held her gaze and stroked the side of her face gently as her breathing slowly settled. Tears streamed from Sara's eyes, not just from the pain, but not being able to get her breath had frightened her and she could see that she had frightened the others as well.

Allison's face was white as she took hold of the fingers of Sara's plastered arm.

"I'm so sorry Sara, I 'm so sorry" the tears fell now, and rod placed an arm around her shoulders in an effort to comfort her.

Sara let go of Grissom's hand and reached out to Allison, pulling her into a hug.

Not wanting to hurt her friend any more, Allison braced her arms on the bed either side of Sara as the two girls cried together.

Rod and Grissom exchanged a worried look, before Rod went to talk to a nurse and see if Sara could have some more pain relief.

A few minutes later, Sara was being checked over and once it was decided there were no ill effects from the incident, the analgesia was administered. Rod decided it was an opportune time to take Allison downstairs for a coffee and to settle her down which left a very relieved Grissom with a sleepy Sara.

"Do you get some sort of perverse delight out of scaring me Miss Sidle" his face was grim, but there was an underlying note of teasing in his voice that Sara, drowsy as she was couldn't miss.

"Uh huh. Keeps you on your toes Dr. Grissom" she muttered, not opening her eyes.

"Oh I see. Well I guess it beats having to drink six cups of coffee" he told her, as he settled into the chair vacated by Allison.

"Mm mm" a sleepy mumble was all the response he got.

Grissom wearily shook his head as he settled to wait for her to wake up again.

He was pleased to see that they were using all the things that he and Allison had purchased, she looked so much better today despite the earlier incident, more like Sara.

When Rod and Allison returned they had brought Grissom a coffee and they quietly chatted while he drank, not wanting to disturb the still sleeping Sara. It took a lot of convincing, but eventually Grissom persuaded them to stay til Sara woke, so that they could see for themselves that she was ok again.

As Sara slowly woke from yet another drug induced sleep, she was greeted by the sight of the three of them playing cards.

"Don't trust Grissom, he played poker to help pay his way through college"

Three heads turned towards the bed and she smiled at the looks on their faces.

"What? It's true" she glared at them.

"Well that explains it then. I don't usually lose this badly" Rod stated grumpily.

"Hey sweetie. How do you feel?" Allison moved to the bed and put her hand on Sara's arm. "I'm so sorry about before. I feel terrible that I cause you so much pain."

Sara grabbed her friends hand and squeezed. "It's fine. I'm fine now. We just need to save the jokes for a while that's all. Ok?"

Allison nodded, giving Sara a weak smile. Rod got up, placing the deck of cards in front of Grissom. "Now that I know what I'm up against here I'll try harder next game. Come on Ally, lets get out of here and leave these two love birds alone" he ignored Sara's snort and glare and the startled look on Grissom's face and bent to place a kiss on Sara's forehead.

"If I could hit you right now I would Rod Marshall" she scolded him and then turned to Allison. "Get him out of here will you."

"Bye Sara" they both said in unison and ignoring the glares directed their way they left the room chuckling.

Left alone, Sara and Grissom shared a smile.

"Love birds huh?" Sara snorted. "Where would he have got that idea?" Sara stared at Grissom.

He looked a little uncomfortable right then and she couldn't stop a tiny chuckle from escaping her.

"Is there something I need to know Griss?" she tilted her head to the side to get a better look at him.

"Nothing that you don't already know Sara" he told her, no hint of a smile. "I have made no secret over the last few months about how I feel about you. I….ah….I guess when you are faced with the prospect of losing the one person you really care for you tend to wear your heart on your sleeve." He reached out to wipe the lone tear from her cheek. "I guess they figured it out."

Sara continued to stare at Grissom. She remembered all the times over the last few months where he had brought up his feelings for her, and she had been thrilled that he could do so but she had just not realised how seriously he had meant it. Now she could see it in his face and hear it in his words and for the second time that day Sara was overwhelmed.

"You're serious, aren't you?" she asked eventually and got a nod in reply. She didn't need his confirmation; she was seeing the truth in his eyes. "Then prove it."

Reaching out, she laid her hand against his cheek, feeling the roughness of his beard against her palm as he leant into her hand. She never moved her eyes from his as he ever so slowly moved towards her. She licked her lips in reflex and watched as his eyes moved to watch her. She could feel his breath on her lips now and lifted her head slightly to bring her lips to his.

It was feather light, just a whisper of a kiss but it left them both searching for more. After several more little kisses, Sara reached around to hold Grissom to her and deepen the kiss. He had braced himself with his arms either side of her shoulders and he leant in closer, acquiescing and finally allowed himself to indulge in a long held fantasy. He brushed his tongue over her lips seeking entry and as she gave him access his mind finally shut down and let his heart take over.

They parted, much sooner that Grissom would have like, but Sara was having trouble getting her breath. He smirked as she gasped in small breaths of air.

When her breathing had finally settled, she smacked him on the arm.

"Don't get too cocky, that was good, but if I could breathe properly, it would be you that was gasping for breath buster."

Grissom's eyebrows rose. "Well, I guess that's something we'll have to find out when your better then isn't it?" He was still smirking and Sara found herself unable to keep a straight face.

He became serious for a moment, before he asked his question. "Was that proof enough Sara? Do you believe me now when I say that I love you and that I never want to lose you again?" He waited, watching her as she gathered her thoughts.

"I think that….it was….I think it might be but…." She smiled a she saw his expression change. "But I think I would like to make sure…. I mean we are scientists after all, we have to make sure, if you don't mind repeating it that is?" She watched as a smile appeared on his face.

"I agree, as scientists we have a duty to verify the proof….make sure…" He broke off as he kissed her again, a kiss full of love and promise.

When they finally pulled apart, Grissom could see just how tired Sara was and he helped her settle back against her pillows he smiled. He like being able to take care of her.

"Are you comfy?" he asked. "Why don't you try and sleep again?"

Sara shook her head, frowning. "All I seem to do is sleep; I want to stay awake with you."

"What about if I lay up here next to you?" he gave her a grin.

"Are you suggesting that we sleep together Dr. Grissom, because I'll have you know that I don't just jump into bed with a guy just because he's a good kisser." Sara couldn't believe what she was saying; it must be the drugs talking.

"I should hope not Miss Sidle" he teased, chuckling at the bewildered expression on her face, and wondered himself if it was the drugs making her say those things.

"When I say sleep; that is exactly what I mean" he reassured her teasingly. "Anything else will just have to wait a while." He moved her gently over to one side of the bed and climbed up beside her. He tucked his arm beneath the pillow and turned her slightly towards him so that he could hold her better.

By the time Grissom had covered them both, Sara had dozed off, snuggled tightly into his side. As he listened to her soft, even breathing, he marvelled at how comfortable and right this felt and as he relaxed, he let himself drift off into sleep as well.

A/N: I know it may seem odd that they allowed Sara to have her own bed linen, but I work with sick kids and when they are in hospital for several weeks they all bring their own stuff from home .It makes it so much nicer, more like home.


	24. Of Angels and Promises

A/N: Thankyou for the continued support, sorry about the excess fluff in this chapter but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Sorry about the delay in posting this, but there was a little writers block along the way.

--

Of Angels and Promises.

Grissom was woken by a small noise that seemed to be coming from the person lying next to him. He turned his head to look down at Sara's sleeping form, and took note of her scrunched up face. She started to move a little and whimpered in her sleep. Grissom wasn't sure if it was pain or a dream that was the problem, but he decided it was probably best to wake her.

"Sara, Sara honey you need to wake up for me" he spoke gently, stroking her hair away from her face as he spoke.

Sara heard him through a sleepy haze and slowly opened her eyes to come face to face with a pair of blue eyes filled with concern.

"Hey" she said softly. She tried to move a little and winced. Seeing this, Grissom quickly removed himself from the bed so that he could help her get into a more comfortable position.

Once she was settled he sat down next to the bed and smiled at her.

"Do you realise we slept for two hours?" he asked her.

Sara shook her head and then winced.

"Are you ok honey? Should I get a nurse? Do you need something for pain again? Are you comfortable? Did I hurt you when I moved you?" Grissom was rambling, his concern causing his words to just tumble out and it made Sara chuckle.

Grissom frowned at her and raised his eyebrows in question.

"It's ok Gil, I'm just a little stiff from sleeping and it's too soon for more pain meds anyway. I'll be fine." Sara hastened to reassure him, taking his hand in hers, all the while smiling at him.

It took a moment for it to register with Grissom that Sara had used his first name and he couldn't help the huge smile that made even his eyes sparkle. His reaction to her use of his name made Sara's smile wider and for the first time in months, Grissom actually felt truly happy.

Still smiling he moved to the small set of drawers at her bedside and opened the bottom one. He retrieved a small bag from it and sat down again.

His face became more serious as he took hold of Sara's hand and her smile faltered; she didn't understand the sudden change in him, from smiling to serious in a matter of seconds and it worried her.

"Sara….I want to give you something. You'll probably laugh at it, but I want you to understand this is as much for me as it is for you ok?" He smiled at her puzzled look.

"You are such an independent and strong woman. You are fearless when it comes to your work and that is something that has always scared me. There can't always be someone there to protect you, this …." He waved his hand to indicate her current situation but didn't elaborate. "I can't always be there to protect you, much as I want to be, it's just not possible."

He reached into the bag and brought out a small box. He opened it and pulled out a silver chain with a medallion attached. He could see that Sara recognised what he was holding, but she still was a little puzzled.

"This is a medallion of 'Raphael the Archangel'. In some religions, he is known as the 'Healer of God' and in some he is the "Angel of Science and Knowledge'. He is also said to be the 'Patron Saint of nightmares' and believe it or not, 'lovers'.

He watched as Sara's eyes lit up with understanding and recognition of what he was trying to convey.

"Will you wear this for me Sara, so that you will have someone to protect you when I can't?" there was a pleading tone in his voice that brought moisture to Sara's eyes and she nodded gently as she reached out for the medallion. She studied the engraved angel and writing for a moment and then handed it back to Grissom.

He thought at first that she didn't want it, but then as she moved forward a little he realised she wanted him to put it on for her.

He clasped it behind her neck and moved to sit down again but was stopped by Sara as she circled his neck with her good hand. She kissed him gently, then kissed him again more firmly and he couldn't help but respond and deepen the kiss further. They separated and Sara rested her forehead against his, her eyes closed. She pulled back a little and looked directly into his eyes.

"Thankyou. This is the most wonderful….the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me and I love it. I will never take it off" she was blinking back tears as she let him go.

They stayed like that, just looking at one another for what seemed like hours before Grissom cleared his throat and pulled back.

"There is something else" he hesitated. "I actually brought this with me from Las Vegas, it's something I was going to give you when I came in January, but I think now would be a good time."

Sara noted his nervousness and smiled in encouragement, but did not speak.

As he was speaking he pulled another box from the bag on the bed and opened it.

"Sara this is a promise ring. I know that my past record has not been good, but I want to fix that. I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make this relationship between us work. I want you to know that I will do anything it takes to make you happy. I never want to be without you. Will you wear this for me Sara, as a reminder of my promise?"

He waited while Sara tried to control her emotions. When she held out her right hand for him he moved to slip the ring on her finger. He hesitated and looked into her eyes for confirmation that this is what she wanted and as she nodded ever so slightly he slid it on. As it slid into place, they each let the breath they had been holding go and leant in for a deep and loving kiss.

They pulled apart as the door opened and a nurse entered with two large arrangements of flowers. She smiled at them as she placed the flowers on the low table to one side of the room.

"These are for you Miss Sidle, I'll leave them here, but here are the cards that came with them." She crossed to Sara and handed her the cards before leaving again.

Sara held tightly to the cards, not quite ready to look at them. She looked down at the ring on her finger and smiled. Grissom's heart melted then because for the first time in almost a year he was witnessing a Sara smile. He squeezed her hand and gave her a quick kiss before sitting back in his chair with a contented smile on his face.

Sara noted the look and as she started to open the first card, she couldn't help herself.

"You look like the cat that just ate the cream Gil Grissom" she told him teasingly.

"What? I shouldn't feel happy that you are wearing **my** ring?" he teased back.

"Oh so we're going all territorial now are we? Well maybe **I** need to mark you as **mine** somehow then, perhaps a tattoo. Yeah that's it a tattoo, I can just see it….mmm….maybe on your shoulder…or…." She broke off at the look on his face.

"You don't have to get me a tattoo Sara; you have already left your mark on me. It may not be a visible one, but it's definitely there and I don't think it will ever go away."

There was a brief silence then and Grissom was the one to break it.

"So! Who's sending **my** girl flowers?" he asked as he watched her open the cards.

"Well this card is from a few of my other admirers." She handed him the card so that he could see for himself as she opened the other one.

He smiled as he glanced at it.

_Sara_

_This is so that you know we are all thinking of you and praying for a full and speedy recovery. _

It was signed by all the night crew plus Doc Robbins and David, plus most of the lab techs.

He glanced up to see tears in Sara's eyes as she stared at the card in her hand. He reached out and gently took it from her so he could read it.

_Sara_

_I wish with all my heart that I was with you right now. You have always been like a daughter to me and it is hard to know that you are hurt and so far away. I know that Gil will take good care of you, but it is not the same as seeing you with my own eyes. _

_When you are well enough to cope with my visit I will be there._

_Love Jim._

Grissom read the card and then placed both cards by her bed.

"Are you ok?" he asked gently.

"Yeah. I…ah….I just…um…I didn't realise you know? I mean I know he always looked out for me, but I just…." She sent Grissom an almost pleading look. "Can you call him for me and tell him he can come whenever he likes." She pondered it for a moment. "In fact the sooner the better. What do you think?"

Grissom watched her closely for a moment before responding.

"I think it's a great idea, I can book him a room at the same hotel I'm staying at. I'm going to hire a car tomorrow, so that I don't need to rely on your friends to get me around. He can share that with me if he wants too."

Sara frowned. "You're staying at a hotel? Why aren't you staying at my place?" she sounded cross and Grissom hurried to explain.

"I wanted to be close by the hospital Sara and I wasn't even thinking about anything but that at the time. Catherine made the reservation and well I just went with the flow" he paused. "Besides it wouldn't have felt right just moving myself into your place without you knowing" he told her.

"Well I want you there. No more hotel. We'll talk to Allison when she comes to get you today and she can give you my keys" she frowned trying to remember where her keys would be, but gave up deciding Allison would know.

Sara saw the hesitation and pressed on.

"You would be much more comfortable Gil and you would be able to get it ready for me when I leave here. Besides, Jim could have the spare room and we would all be together." She tried to sound a little pleading in the hope that would persuade him and by the look on his face she thought it might be working. "Oh and you could use my car, it shouldn't be left sitting around too long without being used."

He thought about it for a minute, realising that what she said did make perfect sense. Except the part about Jim having the spare room, that meant he would have Sara's room, and what about when she came home. Still, that could be dealt with when the time came so reluctantly he nodded his agreement.

"Good, that's settled" she yawned suddenly and Grissom chuckled.

"You look like you need to sleep again honey. How about I go and check on your pain killers and then go and get some lunch" he kissed her gently on the lips and moved away from the bed before turning back. "How about I phone Jim and see what he has to say?"

He took the broad smile on her face as a yes and watched as she settled into the pillows before he left the room.

While Sara waited, her tired mind pondered the last hour or so. She stared at the ring on her finger as she softly rubbed the medallion at her throat. He had truly surpassed her expectations this morning and she believed him when he had said he loved her, so why hadn't she said it back? She wasn't sure. There really wasn't any particular reason, she knew she loved him. This morning had been his turn, so perhaps this afternoon would be hers.

Sara didn't hear the nurse enter with her medication; she had already drifted off to sleep.

--

Sara woke with the feeling that she was being watched. She thought that maybe Grissom had already returned, but when she opened her eyes it was to see Allison sitting quietly by the bed, staring at her.

"Good sleep?"

"Um…. Yeah, can you help me sit up a little?" Sara's chest was still too sore to be able to do much for herself.

After Allison had her settled into a more upright position, she sat back down and continued to stare at Sara.

"Um….Ally?"

"Mm….what?"

"Did you just come here to stare at me or to visit?" Sara asked her friend, she grinned just a little to cover her confusion at Allison's behaviour.

"Oh! I came to visit" Allison assured her. "What's that?" She asked, pointing to the chain around Sara's neck.

As Sara's hand came up to touch the angel medallion at her neck, Allison's eyes went wide.

"And what is that?" Sara heard the excitement in her voice.

"This" Sara told her, holding out the medallion. "This is Raphael the Archangel, patron saint of nightmares and lovers, Healer of God and Angel of science and knowledge. Gil gave it to me to help protect me when no-one else is around."

Allison raised her eyebrows a little; she had noticed that Sara used Grissom's first name, but Sara didn't react.

"AND?" Allison was not known for her patience.

"What? This?" Sara held out her hand, bringing the ring closer to Allison.

"YES! THAT!"

"Oh it's just a ring." Sara stated matter-of-factly. She could see the mounting frustration in Allison, this was fun.

Allison clenched her teeth and growled Sara's name.

Grissom chose that precise moment to return and he heard Allison's growl as he entered the room. He looked at Allison and could see the frustration on her face and the stiff set of her shoulders. Sara on the other hand was sporting an ear to ear smirk.

"What seems to be the trouble Allison?" he asked, shooting Sara a mock glare.

Sara chuckled a little, mindful of her sore ribs and put out her hand to him, wiggling it a little and he quickly understood what was happening. He was so pleased to see that Sara had woken up obviously feeling a lot better that he decided to play along a little.

He moved to the bed and instead of taking Sara's offered hand, placed a kiss on her lips and proceeded to move her across the bed to make room for himself. That accomplished he took the place next to her and leant back, draped his arm around Sara's back then shifted her so that she was leaning against him and not the pillows. Sara snuggled contentedly into his side.

Allison's eyes went wider and she growled again, glaring at both of them.

Grissom could feel Sara's body beginning to shake from holding onto her laughter and not wanting a repeat of this mornings' incident he decided to put Allison out of her misery.

"I take it you want to know about this ring?" he asked her, taking hold of Sara's hand and looking down at the ring that graced her finger.

"Please" Allison ground out.

Sara elbowed Grissom in the ribs and he held her tighter, trying to keep her still without hurting her.

"Spoil Sport" she grumbled at him, pouting. "I was having fun, payback for this morning."

He smiled at her, before placing another light kiss on her forehead.

"I know and I'm sorry, but I don't ever want to see a repeat performance of this morning, I know you were trying not to laugh. It's not worth the pain honey." He told her.

She smiled in response, knowing he was right, but she still felt a little cheated.

Knowing what she was thinking, Grissom bent and whispered in her ear. "I'll make it up to you" he told her.

She looked up at him, grinning. "Oh you certainly will" she teased. She then looked at Allison who had been watching the interaction between them with interest.

"So Allison, what do you want to know?" Sara asked brightly as she remained comfortably tucked into Grissom's side.

"When, How, What, Why?" she stated. "I think the Who is a given."

"Mm….Lets see" Sara held up four fingers. "This morning" she dropped one finger. "Very nicely" she dropped finger number two. "It's a promise ring" and she dropped finger number three. "And because we love one another" finger number four dropped as she felt Grissom's sharp intake of breath. She looked at him and saw the love reflected in his eyes and was glad she had finally said it.

Allison watched the little exchange and sighed. She stood and reached out to hug her friend and then turned and gave Grissom a hug too. Sara was a little surprised at how easily he returned it and smiled, thinking just how much Grissom had changed and how much she loved this new Grissom.

The visit lasted for a while longer and when Sara's dinner was delivered, Allison said her goodbyes with a promise to take Grissom to Sara's place first thing in the morning.

As Sara ate, or rather picked at her food, Grissom told her of his conversation with Jim Brass and Catherine. Where Catherine had given him the third degree, which he admitted he was expecting, his conversation with Jim was completely different.

"Jim won't be able to come for a few weeks, apparently there are a few others on leave and he'll have to wait til they come back." Grissom told her as he sipped at a coffee he had got from the café downstairs.

Sara nodded, but didn't meet Grissom's eyes. He knew she was disappointed, but there was nothing he could do.

"Just think of it this way honey, you will probably be home and more mobile by the time he gets here. That's got to be better?" he tried to cheer her up.

"Yeah, I know, but I really wanted to see him."

They spent another hour just talking, mostly about the crew from the Las Vegas before Rod arrived to visit. The three talked for a while longer before it became quite obvious that Sara was struggling to keep her eyes open.

Visiting hours were almost over and after offering Grissom a ride back to his hotel, Rod left them, saying he would wait downstairs for Grissom in the café.

It was hard to say goodbye, even if only for the night but Grissom didn't want to keep Rod waiting too long.

"I'll be back as soon as they let me in tomorrow" Grissom told her in between kisses. By the time Grissom reluctantly let her go she was almost asleep in his arms.

"I love you my Sara" he whispered as he settled her against the pillows and gave her a last kiss goodnight.

"I love you my Gil" she whispered against his lips. He watched as she fell asleep and quietly left to go and find Rod.

A/N: Sara is wearing her promise ring on her right hand because her left arm has the plaster cast and anyone who has ever had a broken arm or wrist know how badly the fingers swell.


	25. A Testing TIme

A/N: Thanks for being so positive about this story, I love all those reviews.

Here comes the next bit. Enjoy.

A Testing Time.

As promised, Allison deposited Grissom at Sara's apartment the next morning on her way to work. Giving him a brief tour she left him to his own devices and headed out.

Grissom spent the next couple of hours getting settled and, despite telling himself he wouldn't, snooping around Sara's place.

It was very Sara, he decided, warm and comfortable, though not cluttered. There were several photos of the Vegas team and a few nick-knacks from Vegas, Boston and California scattered around, making the place look lived in. He had found her spare bedroom already made up, but he put his things in her room. Her room smelled like Sara, vanilla and peaches, and it was comforting. He knew he should change her bed; but he was reluctant for the same reason, it would smell of her. Common sense won out and after changing her bed and collecting what little laundry there was of both hers and his, he set it washing.

He made himself a coffee and sat at her small table to make a list. Groceries were the first things he decided he needed to get, because her cupboards were pretty bare and once he'd worked out just what he wanted he made a list of other things he would need for a longer stay than he had packed for.

Finishing his coffee he picked up his cell phone and set about organising a car so that he could get around more freely. Once that was done, he sat back and let his mind wander over the last few days.

His thoughts turned first to the conversation between Rod and himself last night on the way back to the hotel. Grissom had asked Rod for details about the day of the explosion, but he had not been fully prepared for what the other man had told him. He had listened quietly and as Rod had told him that Sara would probably not have survived if not for the self sacrifice of Agent Walker, who had died protecting Sara from the blast, he felt like he couldn't breathe. Sitting here in her apartment, his reaction was similar, and it took him some minutes to get his emotions back under control.

Other agents had died; he knew that and others had been injured including Allison and Richard, though no-one as badly as Sara. He would have like to attend Agent Walkers funeral but was unsure how his presence would be taken so he had organised with Rod for a letter to be delivered to Walkers family along with some flowers.

He wondered how much of that day Sara remembered; she hadn't said anything about it or asked any questions, obviously content that her team were ok and able to visit. Rod had told him that none of them had spoken to her about it. He hoped she really didn't remember and was not suppressing it intentionally. He decided he needed to speak to Dr. Lucas about that when he went in today.

Looking at his watch, Grissom discovered that it was ten o'clock and the car would be delivered soon; so he grabbed his jacket, phone and keys and headed out the door to wait downstairs.

He didn't have long to wait and he had just got behind the wheel when his phone rang.

"Grissom" he listened carefully to the details he was given and couldn't help but chuckle.

"Yeah, I can do that, no problem…….Ok see you at six………No I have a car now so it's not going to be any trouble……….Yeah, fine see you then…..bye."

Smiling to himself, he started the car and headed for the hospital.

--

Grissom headed straight for the nurses station when he arrived on Sara's ward, and was pleasantly surprised to find Dr. Lucas right there. Smiling at his good luck he waited for the man to finish speaking to the nurse beside him.

"Hello Dr. Grissom, nice to see you again." Dr. Lucas held out his hand to shake Grissom's.

"Nice to see you too. Actually I was wondering if I could have a word to you about Sara. Could we arrange a convenient time?" Grissom asked as he shook the doctor's hand.

"Certainly, actually, I was just about to go get a coffee if you'd care to join me?" he asked Grissom.

"Thankyou, but I don't want to intrude on your break."

"Wouldn't have offered if you were" Dr Lucas replied, heading towards the lift.

Grissom fell into step and they made their way to the cafeteria where they settled at a small table with their coffee.

"What would you like to know Dr. Grissom?" Dr. Lucas asked between sips of coffee.

"Please, just call me Grissom, the title is just a formality." He replied, deciding he would get straight to the point. "Do you think Sara has any memory of the day of the explosion?"

"With some head injuries the patient may have no recollection of the incident that caused the injury. That may extend to just before and just after the incident as well." He stopped and sipped at his coffee before continuing. "Because Sara was unconscious when she was brought in, she most likely will not remember anything immediately after the explosion." He looked at Grissom briefly before continuing.

"I'm guessing you are worried that Sara will try to suppress those memories" Grissom nodded.

"It will be difficult to ascertain if Sara remembers the day or not, or if she is suppressing those memories, only time will tell. I have scheduled a series of neurological tests for the day after tomorrow so I may have something more to go on after that."

"What sort of tests?"

"Cognitive tests and co-ordination type exercises, along with another check CT scan. We just need to see if there is any residual deficits in her motor and fine motor skills and some of these will test her memory and recognition as well" Dr. Lucas gave a reassuring smile to the man opposite him.

"I don't anticipate any problems with Sara; she has so far made a remarkable recovery." He told Grissom.

"That's great news, thankyou." Grissom returned the smile. "Do you have a time frame for the plaster on her arm, because I assume she can't start physiotherapy on her shoulder until the cast comes off?"

"Actually she can. We will change the cast to a lighter, waterproof one next week and commence physio as soon as possible. The shoulder was badly dislocated and it may require surgery sometime in the future. The biggest restriction will be those broken ribs of hers."

"If I know Sara, those ribs won't stop her. She never was one to take time to let herself heal, either physically or mentally. Do you think it would benefit her to see a counsellor?" Grissom asked.

"Actually it would probably be a good idea. It won't just be the memory of the incident, but the memory of the others injured and killed that may be an issue." Dr. Lucas replied.

"Sara is a very strong woman, one of the strongest I have ever known, but she does have a tendency to internalise things and I know that would not be good in this situation. The FBI probably have there own psychologists, I can speak to her boss about that when the time comes" Grissom told the doctor. "Otherwise, medically speaking, Sara is doing well?"

"Yes, as I said she is making a good recovery, her lung seems to be fine, she has not developed any infections and the surgical would on her head is healing nicely. All in all I would say that she will be fine." Dr. Lucas stood and held his hand out to Grissom once more. "I have to get back to my rounds, fell free to call me if you have any other questions or concerns."

"Thankyou Dr. Lucas, I will" Grissom stood and shook hands and watched the doctor leave. His thoughts turned to the neurological tests that he had mentioned and found himself uttering a silent prayer that they would all turn out fine.

--

When Grissom finally entered Sara's room it was to find her sleeping. He took his usual seat by her bed and sat back to wait for her to wake up. As he waited he studied her face; noting how the bruises were starting to change colour and that some of the cuts and scratches were starting to fade to thin red lines.

A warm feeling spread through his chest as he glanced at the ring on her finger and the medallion around her neck. They were much more than just a promise for the future and protection; they were a symbol of his love for the beautiful woman who wore them.

He glanced around the room, noticing for the first time a few more flower arrangements and a couple of gift baskets. Getting out of the chair, Grissom moved over to the table to check them out.

Flowers from her team and from another FBI department, a basket of chocolates and other goodies from the lab techs at her Washington lab and a gift basket from Catherine – he smiled as he glanced at it's contents – chocolates, fragrant skin care products, some items he could not readily identify but guessed Sara would appreciate and some fruit, both dried and fresh.

As he replaced the card in the basket from Catherine, he heard a snuffling noise from behind him. Turning he saw Sara struggling in the bed and as he moved closer he realised she was still asleep. She appeared to be in the throes of a dream; whilst he wasn't sure if it was a good one or a bad one he was concerned that she would hurt herself and he reached out to gently wake her.

"Sara. Sara wake up. It's just a dream honey, come on wake up for me" he watched as she opened her eyes and took a couple of gasping breaths. "Good girl, it's ok now, you're ok." He soothed, seeing her eyes fill with tears.

"Griss? I felt like I was being suffocated, something was pinning me down and I couldn't move. I couldn't breath" her breathing slowly settled as Grissom gathered her in his arms and held her as best he could, trying not to hurt her chest and shoulder.

"Its ok honey, it was just a dream, you're fine now, just take slow breaths, nothing's going to hurt you." Grissom continued to whisper soothingly to her as she calmed down and finally relaxed into his arms.

Sara raised her eyes to his and met his reassuring gaze. "Thankyou" she whispered.

"Any time honey, I'll always be here for you."

He gently eased Sara back onto her pillows and gave her a gentle kiss before moving back to the chair by the bed, not letting go of her hand. He watched as relaxed a little and got herself comfortable, before speaking.

"Seems like you have a few fans Miss Sidle" he teased, indicating the flowers and gift baskets. His attempt to lighten the atmosphere worked and she gave him a smile.

"Wow, can you bring the cards and the baskets over for me?" she asked.

"Certainly" he rose and grabbed the cards and picked up the two baskets.

Sara read the cards first, smiling at what was written before pulling the smaller of the two baskets closer.

"Yum, chocolate, and fudge and candy, I think I officially love those lab techs" she sighed happily as she moved the basket out of the way and grabbed the other one.

"WOW! Catherine sure knows how to spoil a girl, this stuff is expensive and I love it." Sara now sported a grin from ear to ear. "I'm going to enjoy this stuff, she said, pulling out item after item before replacing it in the basket. "I'll have to thank her as soon as I can."

Sara gave Grissom a questioning look. "Do you know how much longer they are going to keep me in here? They haven't told me much."

"Actually no I don't" Grissom hadn't asked Dr. Lucas that question. "I do know that they are going to do some neurological tests the day after tomorrow, so I guess once we have the results of those we'll find out.

Sara frowned. "What sort of tests?"

"Dr.Lucas said another CT scan and some cognitive and motor skill tests to…."

Sara cut him off before he could finish and he could tell she was not happy.

"Why do I need cognitive and motor skill tests, I'm fine, my memory is fine and the only problems with my motor skills is that I cant' do much because it's too damn painful to move." Grissom could tell she was getting agitated.

"Sara, you had a fractured skull that had to be repaired surgically, they need to make sure everything is ok" he tried to reassure her and at the same time make her understand.

"Well it worked and I'm fine, I don't need tests to tell me something I already know" she snapped. "Do you think there is anything wrong with me? Because if you do you'd better tell me now or…."

Grissom, wondering where all this had come from so suddenly, stopped her from continuing by placing two fingers over her lips and fixed her with a look that made many criminals cower. He knew the look wouldn't work on her, but he hoped she'd realise he meant what he said. He felt her lips tighten into a straight line under his fingers as she returned his glare.

"I **do not** think there is anything wrong with your mind. The tests are just part of your on-going care Sara. Honey you almost died" he paused to let that sink in, he didn't like saying it so bluntly, but he wasn't sure she realised just how close it had been.

"You know you can't concentrate, and when you try you get a headache, you get dizzy when you stand and need someone with you and you still get nauseated for no apparent reason. Those things are side effects of your injury Sara, they will go in time, and all the tests will do is confirm that there is nothing wrong."

Sara stared at him; noting the hurt in his voice and the look in his eyes when he said she had nearly died and she felt her chest constrict. This was the first time anyone had said anything like that to her, that she had almost died. Sure the doctor had explained her injuries and what they had done for them, but no-one had actually said that she almost died until now.

"I didn't know" she whispered, letting go of his hand and reaching out to touch his cheek.

It only took a moment for Grissom to understand what she meant. He hadn't realised that no-one had told her how close it had been.

"I'm sorry….." Sara cut him off before he could finish.

"You have nothing to be sorry about Gil" she told him, her eyes never leaving his.

"That's why you came isn't it, you're my next of kin, I never got around to changing it when I moved here" He nodded in response, not trusting his voice.

"Thankyou." She watched as his eyebrows rose. "I just wish you hadn't had to go through that."

Grissom held her hand tightly with one of his hands and stroked her cheek with the other,

"Oh honey, that's not the only reason I came. I love you and I needed you to hear it, I was not going to let you give up on me, not if I could help it" he placed a kiss on her forehead. "I couldn't lose you Sara, I need you too much."

Sara watched in amazement as a tear fell down his cheek. Gil Grissom was crying and it was for her. As she reached out to pull him to her, he finally allowed himself to release the anguish he had been feeling since he received the phone call almost five days ago. They clung to each other for what seemed like hours, her tears now mingling with his in a cathartic release of what seemed like a lifetime of fears.


	26. Celebrations

Thankyou for all those lovely revues, keep them coming, and enjoy this next instalment

A/N: Thankyou for all those lovely revues, keep them coming, and I hope you enjoy this next instalment. I hope it's not getting too fluffy. But hey, I'm a closet romantic.

Celebrations.

The night before Sara's test was a long one for both of them. Though Sara was tucked up in her customised hospital bed she couldn't sleep. The truth was; Sara was worried about the results of the tests, though she would never admit that to anyone, especially Grissom.

She had wanted him to stay last night, but he had explained that he was waiting on a call from Vegas and needed to be home as he couldn't have his cell phone turned on in the hospital. He had held her and told her that he loved her and would be there as soon as they let him know they had finished the tests. She hadn't realised until now just how much she needed not only his comfort, but also his strength and she shed a few tears after he had gone.

Grissom was also having trouble sleeping. It had been late when he had finally gotten to bed and tired as he was he couldn't sleep for worrying about Sara's tests. He knew she was worried, despite the fact that she hid it well. So he had told her everything would be fine, that the results would undoubtedly be normal, but he couldn't help but wonder if he had said that for her benefit or his own.

It was three o'clock in the afternoon when Grissom finally got the call to say that all the tests were complete. There had been no indication from Dr. Lucas as to how the tests had gone, but he had suggested meeting at four in Sara's room to discuss the results. That didn't help the nagging anxiety that had plagued him all day, so he hurried off to the hospital.

Arriving at the hospital, Grissom headed straight to Sara's room. She was sitting up in bed, eyes closed and he thought she looked very tired.

Her eyes opened when the door closed and she gave him a tired smile.

"Hey"

Moving to the bed he gave her a soft kiss on the lips whispering his own "Hey".

"What time is Dr. Lucas coming with the results?' she asked.

""Four" he smiled down at her. "Why don't you try to rest, you look tired."

"I am. I didn't sleep too well last night. I guess I was more worried than I wanted to admit, plus I didn't think it would all take so long. It was hard you know? And now I've got a huge headache." She closed her eyes and kept them closed as she asked "What have you been up to today while I've been busy?"

"Oh, little of this, little of that" he smiled as she frowned at him while keeping her eyes closed.

"Hmmph"

He chuckled and she opened her eyes to peer at him.

The door opened to admit a nurse who held a medicine cup in her hand.

"Would you like some pain killers Sara? I think just about everyone ends up with a headache after a day full of those neuro tests, even the doctors" she held out the container to Sara who nodded at took it gratefully.

"Yeah. I have a monster headache right now thanks." When she had swallowed the two pills, she relaxed against the pillows and looked at Grissom. "Now I have an idea what it was like for you all those times you had a migraine." She reached out and took hold of his had as she closed her eyes again.

Grissom sat quietly as she dozed waiting for Dr. Lucas to arrive and found himself nodding off too.

They were both startled awake by the door closing and a hearty chuckle.

"Gil" Dr. Lucas nodded at Grissom and then Sara. "How's the head Sara?"

"Painful but getting better. So…. What's the verdict? Am I normal?"

Sara saw Grissom grimace at her words and squeezed his hand.

"Well that depends what you call normal doesn't it? I mean were you normal to begin with? Is there actually such a thing a normal?" Dr. Lucas watched Sara's eyes narrow, and glanced at Gil who was watching Sara intently.

"Um Doc, if you want to stay in one piece, I think you may want to forgo the philosophy and tell Sara the results." Grissom grinned at the doctor, understanding what the doctor was trying to achieve. "I've seen battle scarred bikies cower in terror at the wrath of Sidle." He ducked as Sara swung her arm at him.

Dr. Lucas laughed and watched as Sara relaxed. "Thankyou for the warning" he put a hand up in a gesture of surrender.

"Ok, well the results are good Sara. Admittedly your concentration span is down, but that's to be expected and should improve daily. Everything else is consistent with this stage of your recovery, especially the physical aspect. The only blot on the page is your recollection of the day of your injury and the first day or so after" he stopped and looked from Sara to Grissom and back to Sara.

"You may or may not ever recover those memories and if that is the case so-be-it. But it is important that if those memories do resurface you do not try and suppress them Sara, but at the same time you should not try to force the return of those memories. Neither is a healthy option. Now as far as I'm concerned you should be ready for discharge in two maybe three days as long as you have someone who can stay with you, because you will need help for a while" he watched the smile begin to form on Sara's face.

"You will need to come back to be fitted with a lighter cast in about a week, but we'll work that out before you go home and then you will need to start physiotherapy for that shoulder. You may need surgery on that shoulder later on, but only time will tell. Ok? Any questions?"

Both Grissom and Sara shook their heads, so he stood and moved to the door. At the door he turned back to look at the couple and smiled as he saw Grissom envelope Sara in a hug.

When they broke apart, Sara's eyes were moist from unshed tears, but she had a broad smile on her face, one that was matched by Grissom.

Looking at his watch, Grissom realised he needed to go and whilst he was reluctant to leave right now he knew he had to.

"Honey? It's almost dinner time. How about I go and get something and bring it back here, we'll have a little celebration, what do you say?" he asked.

"Mmmm…..that sounds good, hospital vegetarian food leaves a lot to be desired. Can we have Chinese?" she grinned when he nodded.

"Ok, I don't know how long I'll be because I need to run an errand first, but I'll be as quick as I can."

"Ok, actually I might get the nurse to help me take a shower, so take your time."

"Great idea. Ok see you soon. Love you" he kissed her quickly and moved to leave.

"Love you too, see you soon" Sara called as he left the room. Reaching beside her bed she buzzed for a nurse to help her get showered, she wanted to look nice when he got back. She couldn't get dressed, but she intended to look as good a she could.

The shower once again was a slow process, Sara still needed help with the simplest of daily activities, but it was getting better she had to admit. She didn't feel so embarrassed anymore, she had come to terms quickly that if she wanted to shower she had to deal with being naked in front of a stranger. The nurses were quick and efficient and were not at all fazed at this part of their job and that made it easy to handle.

Now dressed in a pair of cream silk butterfly covered pyjamas, with her hair pulled up into a matching scarf, Sara was once again ensconced comfortably in bed. The nurse had even helped her apply a little of the make-up that Catherine had sent her and she could smell the soft vanilla scent of the creams that had been rubbed into her scratched and dry skin.

"You look lovely Sara" the nurse told her as she smoothed out the bedclothes. "He'll be smitten all over again when he walks through that door."

"That's the plan, Lisa" Sara gave her nurse a cheeky grin. Her headache was almost gone and she felt so much better after the shower, now all she had to do was wait for the man she loved to return.

It was only about thirty minutes later that the door opened to admit a smiling Grissom, carrying two large take-out bags.

"Wow. You look beautiful Sara." He kissed her in greeting.

"Why thankyou Gil." She returned the kiss and smiled up at him. "How much did you buy, that looks like enough to feed half a dozen people?"

Grissom could only smirk at her; he was having trouble controlling himself.

"Well…." He broke off and glanced at the door. "See while I was out I came across….well lets just say I found something you are going to love."

The door to her room opened again and Grissom watched as her face transformed from one of frustration at the interruption to one of amazement followed by pure happiness, then tears in the space of a moment as her eyes lighted on the figure of Jim Brass stepping into her room.

"I didn't know I was lost" he spoke gruffly as he quickly walked the short distance from the door to the bed and pulled the young woman whom he had come to think of as a daughter gently into his arms and held her as she sobbed.

"Hey now, come on cookie, keep that up and you'll have me blubbing too and the bugman throwing me out for upsetting you" he muttered into her hair.

"Not upset, just happy you're here" she mumbled into his shoulder.

They pulled apart and Grissom handed Sara a tissue before offering one to Jim as well.

This earned him a scowl from his friend and a grin from Sara. She reached out to Grissom, who obliged by pulling her to him in a gentle embrace.

"Thankyou" she whispered.

"Any time sweetheart, any time" he whispered back.

Brass watched the exchange and smiled, _"about time",_ as the couple held one another.

"Ok you two, enough of that, I came here to visit…and eat…so if you don't mind saving that stuff til I'm not around, maybe we could eat?" he huffed teasingly earning himself a chuckle from both Grissom and Sara.

"Great idea, I'm starved" they both replied in unison earning them a decidedly resigned look from the older man.


	27. Home Comforts

A/N: Sorry for such a long delay between chapters, but circumstances beyond my control meant not being able to write for a while. I feel like this chapter is a little random, but well you judge. I'll thank you in advance for the reviews.

Home comforts.

Sara was discharged eight days after the explosion that had injured her so badly. To say she was glad to leave the hospital behind was probably the understatement of the year, and as Grissom helped her through the door of her apartment she could feel her eyes fill with moisture at the relief to be back in her own home.

As Grissom helped her to get comfortable on her couch, Brass entered with her bag and an armful of the gifts that she had collected during her hospital stay. They had already brought home most of them, and there were balloons and flowers scattered through-out the apartment.

Comfortable amongst the soft cushions of the couch, Sara was suddenly aware of just how tired she was after the short trip home and could do nothing to prevent herself from drifting off to sleep.

She didn't know how long she had been asleep, but the apartment was quiet when she woke. Looking around, she could not see any sign of either Brass or Grissom and she was overwhelmed by a sudden fear of being alone.

"Gil? Jim?" she called out, a hint of panic in her voice as she looked around the empty room.

"Gil?….Griss?...Grissom?" Her voice was becoming louder and she could feel herself beginning to panic at the thought of being alone. She had no idea why, but she really didn't like the idea of being alone right now and as the panic increased, so did her breathing until she was only taking in short gasping breaths as she tried to get off the couch. Where earlier the soft cushions had been her friends, now they seemed to be working against her as she tried unsuccessfully to push herself up.

At the sound of her panicked voice Grissom rushed out of the bedroom. Taking in her struggles, he quickly crouched down by the couch into her line of sight. He wasn't prepared for the look of utter panic on her face and the fear in her eyes as she struggled to get up.

"Sara" his hands went to her shoulders. "Sara, its ok honey, I'm here, what's wrong?" He watched her face as she struggled to control her breathing. "Sara, you need to slow down your breathing honey."

Placing her hand on his chest he spoke softly but firmly. "Feel my breaths Sara, concentrate on my breaths."

He watched as she concentrated on his words and as her breathing gradually slowed.

"I…. need….to….I….want….up…." Sara struggled to get the words out between gasps.

Gently but quickly, Grissom put his arms around her and guided her to stand. Once she was upright she clung to him tightly and he held her firmly to him, all the while whispering softly and rubbing small circles on her back. His hold relaxed a little as her breathing settled and when he finally felt her relax in his arms he drew away a little.

"Sara?" He searched her face, noting the tracks of her tears and saw the remnants of fear and a little pain in her eyes.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" he asked gently as he drew her back down onto the couch with him, all the time keeping his arms securely around her.

She nodded, but didn't answer, just cuddled into his chest, feeling safe in his arms.

He waited patiently, guessing she just need a little longer and just held her.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what happened" she looked up at him tiredly. "I woke up and it was so quiet and no-one answered me and I thought no-one else was here and I panicked. Dumb ha."

He shook his head, giving her a tight smile.

"No, not dumb. I mean it's a lot quieter here than at the hospital and there you had people coming and going all the time. I should have stayed in here with you, but I just wanted to change the bed, I didn't get it done yesterday" he told her.

"No, it was stupid; I don't know why I reacted that way. I'm ok now."

Grissom pulled back and gave her a searching look. Satisfied that she truly was ok, he led her to a chair by the table and sat her down .

"I'll get you a drink. Do you want some more pain tablets?" he moved into the kitchen.

"Um…yeah…thanks, my ribs are hurting a bit" Sara's ribs were actually hurting a lot, but she wasn't going to tell him that.

She took the tablets he brought her and drank the water before handing him the glass.

"Help me up?"

He set the glass on the coffee table and helped her to stand.

"Bathroom." She stated and he watched her as she headed down the hallway.

Settled back on the couch once more, Sara couldn't help but smile at the man seated next to her; she was a bit embarrassed over the incident earlier but amazed at his reaction to her distress. He had been so kind and loving, she had seen the concern in his eyes and it gave her a great feeling of comfort to know that he wasn't afraid to show his feelings for her.

Grissom watched as Sara settled back onto the couch and then leaned across to give her a gentle kiss.

"How about I get us something to eat?" he smiled at her when she nodded.

He made his way to the kitchen, but continued talking as he pulled out the ingredients needed for making omelettes.

"Jim will be back for dinner" he told her. "He said he wanted to go and check out a few things, but I think he was just getting out of our way for a while."

Sara chuckled when he said that and he paused his cooking to peak at her over the kitchen counter. He could see she was watching him and he gave her a broad grin.

"I do know what I'm doing you know, you don't have to supervise" he admonished.

"Oh I know you know what you're doing, it's just nice to watch someone else cooking for me" she smiled again. "Especially when that person also has to do the serving and cleaning up."

"Mmmm…Well I guess you're lucky I like to cook then aren't you and I'm lucky that you have a dishwasher." He still hadn't returned to preparing their lunch yet and was just watching her.

"Well, what are you waiting for, I'm hungry. What are you making me anyway?" she asked.

"Omelettes, light but healthy" he told her as he turned back to the job in hand.

Ten minutes later lunch was ready and after placing the two plates on the table, he helped Sara move from the couch to sit at the table.

He sat opposite her and watched as she began to eat. He knew how independent Sara was, and omelettes were one of those dishes that she could manage on her own one-handed.

Once he was sure she was eating, he began on his own food and all talk ceased as they ate.

He cleared the table and stacked the dishwasher while Sara sat sipping a cup of tea and watched him. It wasn't just that she liked to watch someone cook for her, she like to watch him. She was sure he would never understand what she found so attractive about seeing him in the kitchen, sleeves rolled up, and so completely relaxed, she wasn't sure she understood it herself, but she did.

Grissom could see Sara watching him, actually staring at him was a better way of describing it and he couldn't help but think how beautiful she looked, though he was a little concerned by the far away look on her face. He finished cleaning up the kitchen and made himself a coffee before joining her at the table.

"Penny for your thoughts" he said as he sat opposite her again.

"Mmm? Oh sorry. Just thinking. Anyway" she teased. "My thoughts are always worth much more than a penny."

"Care to tell me anyway?" he asked, smiling.

"Nah. Nothing important" she wasn't going to tell him she was thinking how sexy he looked in her kitchen, so she decided to change the subject. "Can you help me back to the couch please Griss?"

"Of course my dear. Are you sure you don't want to rest on the bed for a while though" he asked as he helped her settle once more.

"No. Actually, I was thinking I'd like to watch a movie. Want to watch one with me?"

"Sure, as long as it's not a chick flick" he grinned at her. He would watch whatever she wanted, but he wasn't going to let on just yet though.

"Oh" she chuckled. "And here I was thinking I'd like to watch 'You've Got Mail'." She laughed aloud at the look on his face and then regretted it instantly when she felt the pain in her ribs.

Grissom watched her wince in pain and immediately felt guilty for teasing her.

"If that's what you want to watch that's ok with me" he told her and she didn't miss the concern in his voice.

Laying her good hand on his arm, she tried to reassure him.

"It's ok; I'm just messing with you Griss. How about some Hitchcock? I have a couple of his movies, you choose."

"You sure?"

"Yep. On the bookshelf over there" she pointed to the set of shelves next to the television set.

Grissom quickly found what he was looking for and once he had the movie started he sat back down on the couch.

Sara nestled against Grissom, curling her legs up under her, getting comfortable, and he wrapped his arm around her shoulders, drawing her closer before placing a soft kiss on her head.

The movie had been running for about forty-five minutes when Grissom realised that Sara had fallen asleep. He waited a few minutes before reaching behind them for the throw rug she kept on the back of the couch. Moving a little further along allowed him to lower her so that her head rested on his legs; he covered her up and settled himself to watch the rest of the movie.

That was how Jim Brass found them when he returned about five o'clock. Sara stirred when he entered the apartment, but didn't move. She was warm and comfortable and quite content to stay where she was for the rest of her life. Unfortunately her pillow had other ideas and when he stretched his legs out, she almost fell off the couch.

"Hey! Watch it pillow" she teased as his arms instinctively grabbed her before she could roll off the couch.

"Sorry, I forgot you were there" he grinned at the expression of disbelief on her face.

They both looked up as they heard a hearty chuckle coming from the kitchen.

"You two look comfy cosy" he snickered. "Here I've been wandering the streets of Washington in search of the perfect dinner and you two have been lolly-gagging about in here all day."

"What do mean in search of the perfect dinner, there's take out menus on the fridge" Sara said, amused by the idea of Jim Brass restaurant hopping in search of the perfect meal. It conjured up all sorts of images.

"Ok. I'll bite" Grissom spoke up. "What is the perfect dinner Jim?"

"I thought you'd never ask" he had a smug look on his face.

Grissom and Sara exchanged a look that said _lets just humour the old man for a while._

Brass didn't miss the look and produced a pout that must have taken a lot of practice.

"Fine, I'll just eat it all myself. No problem, maybe I'll invite your friends from the FBI over to help me eat it too." He told them, sounding miffed, but they could hear the underlying humour in his voice.

Sara moved to sit, and Grissom helped her, before she stood and advanced on the LAPD detective. Grissom grinned as he watched his friend back up as Sara advanced, until his back was against the kitchen bench.

"What...is…for…dinner…Captain Brass?" her voice was low and threatening, but Grissom could hear the slight laugh in it and he watched Brass swallow as she got right in his face.

"You know, I have interrogated a lot of bad ass crims in my time, but I gotta say Sidle, you scare me" he smiled at the grin that appeared on her face.

"As you should be" she told him.

"Yeah, Jim you should be, I am" Grissom laughed as he spoke.

Sara turned and gave him a glare. "Too right buddy. You both should be" she told them before bursting into laughter.

The two men joined in and only stopped when Sara grabbed her side and gasped. Instantly they were steadying her and moving her back to the couch.

"I know laughter is the best medicine, and that sometimes medicine is not pleasant, but this is ridiculous" she groaned as they lowered her onto the seat.

"It's Karma honey" Grissom told her as he headed to the kitchen for her pain medication and a drink. "What goes around comes around."

He handed her the tablets and watched her take them, concern etched on his face. It had been good to see her have a bit of fun, even if it was at their expense and a shame it had turned painful.

"Sorry cookie" Jim gave her a light kiss on the top of her head.

"It's not your fault my ribs hurt when I laugh, I just wish they'd hurry up and stop" she hurried to reassure him.

"So what did you get for dinner that's so great" she asked.

"I found this lovely little Italian Restaurant a few blocks from here and they had a great take out menu. I brought spinach and ricotta stuffed cannelloni, a chicken lasagne, and a vegetarian spaghetti dish" he paused to watch Sara lick her lips.

"Plus for dessert, we have a choice of tiramisu or a chocolate cheesecake."

"Wow! You were right; I hope it tastes as good as it sounds. When can we eat?'

Sara asked eagerly, causing both men to laugh.

"We can eat as soon as you like, do you want me to help you freshen up a bit before that" Grissom asked.

"Nah, just help me up, I can manage" she assured him.

Fifteen minutes later they were tucking into what turned out to be one of the nicest Italian meals that any of them had eaten in a while. Dinner conversation was light and pleasant, touching mostly on what Brass had done that day.

After dinner was finished and the dishes cleared away, Jim excused himself to make some phone calls, he had promised Catherine he would check in with her regularly with updates and didn't want to incur her wrath by not doing so.

The rest of the evening was spent quietly watching the discovery channel and before any of them realised, it was ten o'clock and Sara was beginning to fade again.

She was too tired and it was too awkward to change out of her shirt, so Sara settled for just putting on clean pyjama bottoms and was sitting on the edge of the bed when Grissom knocked on the door.

"Want some help?" he asked softly, smiling.

"You wish. Nah just come and tuck me in Gil" she returned his smile as she climbed into the soft bed. "God it's nice to sleep in my own bed again, I really missed this." She snuggled down into the soft pillows.

"Mmm..It is a pretty comfy bed." Grissom frowned slightly, realising that they had not talked about sleeping arrangements now that she was home. Truth be told he wanted nothing more than to share her bed, but he was unsure how she felt about it.

As if reading his mind, Sara smiled at him and patted the bed next to her.

"You know, there's plenty of room for two in here, if you want" she watched his frown morph into a broad smile and knew that she had said the right thing.

"Are you sure honey, cos I don't mind the couch if you're not comfortable with it." He wanted her to reassure him that she did want him there, but he would not force the issue; a few nights on her couch would not do him any harm.

Sara took his hand and laced her fingers with his, before speaking. "I'm sure, besides, it's not like anything can happen; I mean God Gil, I can't even laugh without pain, I think anything else is definitely out of the question" she grinned at him cheekily before adding, "for a while anyway."

He blushed a little at her words, and lifted their entwined hands to place a gentle kiss on the back of hers.

"Mmm…I guess I can control myself for a while" he teased. "As long as you can control yourself Miss Sidle."

She laughed. "Oh, Dr Grissom you do have a high opinion of yourself don't you?" her eyes had a wicked glint to them. "I'm sure my control far exceeds yours."

"I hear a challenge there honey, but I think we should wait to test that theory, don't you" he bent down and claimed her lips in a kiss that Sara quickly deepened. They both pulled away at the same time, breathing quickly.

"That my dear is cheating" he admonished with a grin "but two can play at that game." He claimed her lips again and this time it was him who deepened the kiss, eliciting a small moan from Sara. When he heard the sound, Grissom pulled back, a smug look on his face.

"Control issues Sara?" he teased, earning a soft slap on his arm from her.

"Now who's cheating Gil?"

He studied her face for a moment then moved off the bed saying "I think we should stop this game while we can."

"You didn't tuck me in" Sara gave him a pleading look that he found hard to resist.

He tucked her in, kissed her briefly on the forehead and headed back to the living room, he need to cool off a little before he felt comfortable with going to bed. Sara had a way of pushing his self control to the limit, but he would not give in until she was healed, however difficult he realised that might be.

He and Jim sat up for a while longer and when he eventually returned to the bedroom it was to find Sara soundly asleep. He changed into his pyjamas and crawled into the bed, careful not to disturb the sleeping woman.

As he finally succumbed to sleep he came to the realisation that this is where he wanted to be, this is where he belonged, this was his place, beside Sara, wherever that may be.


	28. Independence v dependence

Chapter 27

A/N Trying to get this done quicker, but life still gets in the way. Hope you enjoy. Please keep the reviews coming they are great encouragement you know.

Independence v dependence.

Grissom woke slowly, his body and mind gradually regaining awareness. He tried to stretch and found his movement restricted by a weight over his chest and legs. As his brain caught up to his body, a contented feeling overcame his momentary fright as he realised that sometime during the night Sara had moved so that she lay on her right side, head on his chest, her plastered arm resting on his side and one of her legs was thrown partially across his.

Deciding it was not altogether unpleasant he let his right hand gently stroke her head as it rested on his chest. She looked so peaceful this morning and after last night's nightmare he was glad. He noted how, even with the damage to her shoulder, arm and ribs she had still managed to mould herself against him.

She stirred a little and he stilled his hand, but when she became more restless and let out a small whimpering sound he continued and was rewarded as he felt her relax once more.

He lost himself in the moment and closed his eyes; when he opened them again it was to find a pair of sleepy brown ones peering back at him.

"Good morning" he whispered.

"Mmmm…..a girl could get used to this" she said sleepily.

"Oh! Really?" he raised his eyebrows questioningly.

"Mmm…hmm. It's like having a giant heated teddy bear to snuggle" she chuckled against his chest and moved her hand in small circles on his side.

Grissom stiffened, unprepared for the sensations the movement of her hand was creating and hoping he could control his natural reaction.

Sara felt him tense and chuckled against his chest again, but not stopping the motion of her hand.

He grabbed her hand and stilled its movements, causing her to lift her gaze to his. She was surprised to see the emotions reflected in his eyes and smiled.

"Um… I don't think you should do that right now" his voice was low and soft.

"Why Dr. Grissom? Am I bothering you?" she teased trying to pull her hand free.

"More than you know Miss Sidle" he growled softly and leant forward to kiss her.

Sara groaned into the kiss and he deepened it until the need for air broke them apart leaving them both breathing in short heavy puffs.

Letting go of her Grissom traced his hand along her jaw, all the while his eyes locked with hers.

"As much as I want to, now is not the time to take this any further honey" his voice tinged with love and desire. "You need time to heal first; there will be plenty of time then".

Hearing his need for her reassurance, Sara could do nothing but nod, not trusting her voice. The feelings he stirred in her were strong and she did not want to acknowledge that he was right and she reached out her hand towards him again.

With a gentle kiss to her forehead, Grissom pushed himself away from her and climbed out of bed.

"Rest there" he told her. "I'm going to shower and then I'll get us some breakfast."

Sara just nodded and settled against the pillows, pushing her head into Grissom's pillow and soaking in his scent.

She must have dozed off again, because she woke to a gentle knocking on the bedroom door.

"Come in" her voiced was muffled by sleep.

"Morning sunshine" Jim gave her a broad smile as he entered the room. "Gil sent me in to see if you want to eat breakfast in bed or with us and to give you a hand to get up if you need it" he spoke in a monotone that made her giggle.

"Morning Jim" she replied, easing herself into a sitting position. "I think I'll get up and join you, I've spent enough time in bed lately and now I'm home I want to get moving."

"Ok then. Let's get you moving eh?" he moved to the bed as he spoke.

Sara threw back the covers and tried to get up by herself but found she was actually quite stiff after a full nights sleep.

"Whoa there Sara, let me help" Jim was quick to support her to sit on the edge of the bed.

"Can I have my robe and slippers please Jim?" she hated this part; she wanted to be able to do everything for herself.

Jim could guess how she was feeling; the expression on her face was very telling. He was happy to let her do as much for herself as possible, but he wasn't about to let her hurt herself either.

She managed pretty well, though she had a bit of trouble getting the robe on and as he watched her struggle he was struck by a thought. He watched her face as he helped her with the troublesome robe before speaking. He knew it was a risk bringing it up, but he couldn't help himself.

"Um…Cookie can I ask you a question" he grinned at her as he finished tying off the robe.

She gave him a quizzical look before replying. "That depends."

"Well…." He paused, choosing his words carefully because he didn't like the idea of an angry Sara Sidle, or an angry Gil Grissom if he pissed off said Sara Sidle.

"Umm….Have you thought about how you're going to manage in the bathroom" he paused again when her head shot up and she fixed him with a glare. "I mean….you're like a daughter to me, you know that don't you, but….I mean…. and well there's Gil but……" he broke off, not knowing what else to say.

For a moment Sara just stared at him, then she started to smile, then chuckle until eventually she was laughing so much that she had to hold her ribs.

Jim just watched, stunned, then he couldn't help himself and he too started to laugh.

Having heard the laughter from the kitchen, Grissom tried not to let his curiosity get the better of him and forced himself to wait for them to emerge from the bedroom. When they did, Sara's arm was linked with Jims' as he led her to the table.

Pulling out her chair, Jim helped her to sit, then with a flourish and bow said "Your table Madame, your waiter will arrive soon with your meal. May I be of any further service?" he added a wink for good measure.

"Thankyou my good man, that will be all for now" she returned his wink.

They looked into the kitchen to see Grissom watching them closely, a smirk on his face.

"What?' both Sara and Jim asked at the same time.

"Nothing, just wondering…." he inclined his head towards the bedroom as he made his way to the table with Sara's breakfast.

Jim grabbed the juice and added it to the table then sat, while Grissom collected their plates and set them on the table.

They ate in silence and when they were done, Jim offered to make them all coffee, so Grissom and Sara moved to the comfort of the couch.

"Now care to tell me what was so funny earlier" he quizzed her as he sat close to her.

"Well Jim asked me a question and well, let's just say that it conjured up some interesting images" she chuckled as she told him, revisiting one of those said images.

"Oh and do you want to share both the question and the images, or do you intend to keep it to yourself" he asked.

It was then that Jim delivered their coffees and took the chair next to the couch.

"Yeah, actually I'd like to hear what it was that got you laughing so much when all I did was ask a simple question" Jim directed his question to Sara.

She laughed and looked at their expectant faces.

"Well…the question was simple enough, and what started me laughing was the fact that it took until now for anyone to think of it, then the images just took over" she kept her expression bland as she looked at both of them.

Grissom was getting impatient and Sara thought it was funny, but Jim was not about to risk anything so he answered for her.

"I just asked how she was going to manage in the bathroom, because there's only the two of us here and…well…you get the idea right?" he watched as it dawned on Grissom what he was getting at and couldn't help laughing at the stunned expression on his friends face.

When he had regained his composure, Grissom addressed the problem.

"Well first of all, Jim is **not** going to help you….." Sara didn't let him finish.

"Does that mean you're offering Gil?" she asked, trying not to laugh at the look on his face.

"Oh don't you wish Sara" he smirked at her, turning the tables on her and giving her a look that made her blush.

"Actually, I did think of it before we left the hospital and I was given the name of a visiting nurse who could help you" he held up a hand as Sara shot him a look that would have dropped a charging elephant in an instant. "But, I thought you might like to try it by yourself first, and with that in mind, Allison will be here …" he glanced at his watch. "In fifteen minutes in case you can't manage."

He sat back against the couch with a smug look on his face watching her. By now Jim was laughing outright, but quickly stopped when Sara turned her glare on him. Turning back to Grissom, she looked at him with a cross between a pout and a glare that just made her look cute to him.

He smiled. Wrong!

"You think you are so smart Gil Grissom, I will not let some nurse in here to shower me, I can do it myself and you can tell Ally that I don't need her either." Sara was angry now and even she didn't know why.

"Sara?" Grissom didn't know why she had suddenly got so angry, and he confused. "Honey?"

Jim saw this as his cue to leave and grabbing the coffee cups, put them in the kitchen and headed to his room. As he left, he gave Grissom a look that basically said _good luck_.

Grissom took hold of one of Sara's hands, but she let if fall limp in his hand and still didn't look up from her lap.

"Sara, I know you want to do this yourself, I don't doubt that you will give it your best shot, but honey you are still really restricted because of your shoulder and that plaster, not to mention your ribs." She still didn't look at him, so he put a finger under her chin and lifted it so that he could look at her face.

The tears filling her eyes were a surprise to him, he didn't understand the sudden changes in her mood, so he did the only thing he could think of and drew her into his arms and held her.

It took a few minutes, but he eventually felt her relax as his hand rubbed circles on her back. A moment later she pulled back and gave him a watery smile.

"I'm sorry Gil" she still didn't smile. "That was….umm….I don't know why I reacted that way."

Grissom didn't say anything, just nodded, waiting to see if she had anything else to say.

"Forgive me?" she smiled at him, a tentative little smile, but that was ok.

"There is nothing to forgive honey Maybe it's just the meds, maybe you're just tired, but it doesn't matter" he watched Sara frown. "Is it ok that Ally is coming? I know I should have asked you first, but you were so tired yesterday and so glad to be home that I just forgot." He watched her nod.

"Besides, after this morning I don't think that I trust myself to just help you undress or dress" he grinned suggestively at her and added "Maybe in a week or so."

Leaning forward she captured his lips in a kiss that left him breathless.

"I think I know what you mean" she told him.

They broke apart at a knock on the front door. Poking his head out to make sure it was safe; Jim waved them to stay seated and opened the door to a smiling Allison.

Within minutes, Allison and Sara had moved to the bedroom, leaving Grissom and Jim alone.

"Everything ok Gil?" he asked as the cleared the table and started on the dishes.

"Yeah, well, it will be. I think she understands" he paused and looked at his friend, with a small smile. "At least I hope so. Once she starts physiotherapy she'll feel better I think."

"When does she start?"

"Actually the first session is this afternoon at four. I wonder if she remembers." Grissom shrugged his shoulders and then smiled as he heard laughter from the bedroom.

"Sound like everything is fine buddy. Let's just take each day as it comes eh?" Jim patted Grissom on the shoulder as he made his way back to his room.

Forty-five minutes later, Sara and Allison, both sporting huge smiles returned to the living room.

"Are you sure you can't stay for a coffee Ally?" Sara asked her friend.

"Sorry, got to go, but maybe we can get together for dinner later this week? I can bring something here if you're not up to going out, anyway, let me know" she gave Sara a quick hug and with an equally quick goodbye to Jim and Grissom left to go back to work.

"You look better" Gil pulled Sara into a hug. "Did you enjoy Allison's company?"

With her face nestled against her neck, Sara just nodded and mumbled.

"That's good, you two sounded like a pair of schoolgirls giggling away in there" he could feel her smile against his skin. "What do you feel like doing now, are you tired?

Sara pulled back, but stayed encircled by his arms.

"I'm a little tired, I actually managed pretty well in there, and I only needed help with my top. But I don't want to go to bed again just yet. Do you want to paly a game or something? I need some stimulation' she told him with a grin.

"Sure, maybe Jim would like to join us. What have you got?"

"Mom….lets see. I've got Monopoly, Scrabble, Trivial Pursuit and I think I could lay my hands on a couple of decks of cards."

"I think cards would be good. You go see if you can find them and I'll go get Jim" Grissom let her go and headed towards the guest room.

Cards turned out to be a great idea, and the morning flew by. It was only when Grissom's stomach growled loudly that they realised it was one o'clock and they had not eaten anything except a few chips since breakfast.

Once a lunch of grilled cheese sandwiches and soup had been consumed, Sara couldn't hold back a yawn and reminding her that she had a therapy appointment at four, Grissom managed to convince Sara to take a nap after promising to wake her in plenty of time for her to get ready.


	29. The Truth Hurts

A/N: Thanks for reviewing, I hope you enjoy this chapter.

The Truth Hurts.

The ride home from the hospital was quiet and it wasn't altogether a comfortable quiet. Sara was tired and grumpy and even though she would never admit it, in pain.

Grissom knew all of that and after she snapped at him when he had tried to help her into the car had refrained from trying to initiate any conversation, hence the quiet.

By the time they arrived back at Sara's apartment, she was asleep and Grissom breathed a sigh of relief, hoping that when she woke she would be in a better frame of mind. His relief was short-lived however when once out of the car she pushed him aside and made her way inside.

Jim watched Sara enter and go straight to her bedroom and slam the door.

Grissom, when he entered could see the look of concern on the other mans face and he knew it mirrored his own.

"What happened Gil?"

"It's more a case of what **didn't** happen Jim" Grissom let out a long sigh and entering the kitchen pulled out a couple of glasses. "Scotch?" he asked holding up a glass.

"Uh, yeah, thanks" Jim decided to wait until Grissom had his drink before asking for an explanation.

Handing Jim his drink, Grissom sat down wearily next to him on the couch.

"So… what didn't happen?"

Grissom took a long sip of his drink before answering.

"It was ok at first, then she couldn't do one of the exercises because of the weight of the plaster, it caused her too much pain. The therapist told her not to worry about it because once she gets the lighter plaster on she could try again" he paused and took another drink.

"Well, as you can guess Sara insisted on trying again and again and again. In the end the therapist told her that if she wasn't going to listen to her then she might as well not bother to attend any more sessions."

Jim grimaced and took a drink himself, he knew that Sara sometimes just didn't know when to give in and could imagine the reaction the ultimatum from the therapist had caused.

"Well that explains it a bit, but what did you do?" he waved his hand at Grissom, knowing that the therapist wasn't the entire problem. "There's more to it than that isn't there?"

"Yeah" Grissom downed the rest of his drink. "I tried to get her to listen to reason, but she didn't want to listen to anyone. I may have called her stubborn and infuriating…." He watched Brass roll his eyes and mutter something under his breath.

"I know, I'm an idiot, but God Jim she was in so much pain and she just wouldn't give in. She was going to cause more damage to that shoulder all because she was too stubborn to admit that it was harder than she thought it was going to be." Grissom rubbed his eyes and ran his hand through his hair in frustration.

"I want her to get better Jim" he continued. "Not hurt herself; but she won't listen."

Watching his friend struggle with his emotions Jim took another sip of his drink. "If there is one thing I have learned about Sara in the time that I've known her is that you do not tell her that she cannot do something. It's like…" he searched for the right words. "It's like waving a red rag at a bull. She just loves to prove people wrong and we've seen in the past that it's not always a bad thing."

Grissom nodded, that much he too knew.

"Look at it from her perspective Gil. Not only is she having to come to terms with the fact that she nearly died, which I'm not sure she has done yet; but she has gone from a completely independent woman who didn't need any help from anyone either personally or professionally to one who cannot even complete the tasks of everyday living without help."

"Now I know that's gotta be as frustrating as all hell. **Now** she can't do the one thing she thought would give her back her independence. Ok, so maybe her expectations are a little high, we see that, but obviously she doesn't." Jim looked at his friend to see if he understood.

Grissom understood what Jim was saying; it made a lot of sense. He looked at the man beside him and hoped that he had the answer too because he suddenly felt very, very tired.

"I understand Jim. I think I knew that all along, but today…" he drew in a big breath and sighed it out. "Today, all I could see was the woman I love in pain and I…. when I couldn't stop her from making it worse, or help her make it better I…..well….l…. I guess I messed up again didn't I?"

Looking his friend over, Jim could feel the tiredness coming off the man in waves.

"You know Gil, Sara's not the only one that needs to heal. Yeah, I know, she's the one with the physical, visible wounds, but what about you? This has been tough on all of us, but especially tough on you. You need to let yourself heal as well. Don't beat yourself up over this. Talk to her, tell her how it makes you feel to see her like she was today" he finished his drink and rose to get them both another.

"Yeah, maybe….Oh….I don't know Jim." Grissom stood and grabbed his jacket from the chair by the door. "I think….I think I'm just gonna go for a walk….I need…." He sighed heavily not finishing his sentence and closed the door to the apartment quietly behind him.

--

Jim Brass looked at the closed front door and then at the closed door to the bedroom as he tried to decide what to do. Should he leave them to talk it out; '_like that's gonna happen any time soon', _or should he talk to Sara.

Another Scotch and Jim had made his decision.

With a gentle knock on the bedroom door he opened it and peered into the room.

Sara lay curled up on her good side, clutching a pillow to her, at first he thought she was asleep, but then he heard the soft sniffling sounds she was making into the pillow and he moved to sit on the edge of the bed facing her.

"Go away" there was no anger in Sara's voice, just defeat and Jim's heart almost broke….again.

"Not happening sweetheart" he told her gently but firmly. "I know you feel like shit. I know you are angry and frustrated, and I understand where you are coming from but you need to listen to what I have to say. Ok?"

He watched as Sara nodded into the pillow.

"First of all you need to know that I love you like a daughter and as a father I will do everything in my power to protect and help you whether you like it or not, but as a father sometimes that's just not enough. You also need to know that Gil is my friend and because I want to help you both I am going to tell you a story."

Sara turned her face from the pillow to look up and the slightly puzzled expression on her face did not go unmissed by him.

"Some of this you may know already but there's probably a lot you haven't heard before." Brass took a deep breath before ploughing headlong into his story.

"When you left Las Vegas it came as a shock to everyone and we were all rather upset that things had got to the point where you felt that the only solution was to leave. It took a long time for us all to come to terms with that and everyone, including me, blamed Grissom." He paused for a second when Sara took in a sharp breath (that bit she obviously hadn't heard).

"Gil worked himself into the ground. He reverted to the old Grissom way of shutting us out and after a few tries to reach out, well I guess we all gave up on him, coz there was no penetrating the wall that he built up around himself." Jim looked directly at Sara, her eyes now moist and her brow furrowed.

"When he ended up in hospital, it was a wake up call and it almost came too late; not only to him, but to us as well. Maybe if we had tried harder to understand what was going on, we could have prevented it getting as bad as it did, but you know the old saying _"twenty-twenty vision in hind sight"._

"When he was well enough, he worked alone and from home until a case from the FBI in Washington landed on his desk." Jim looked at Sara and saw the glimmer of understanding in her eyes.

"I think it was about then he began to interact with everyone again, but he never regained the passion that he once had for his job, the fire was gone and I think out of everything that happened, that was one of the saddest things to see. We all accepted his decision to retire, some better than others and life began to return to some semblance of normality."

By now, Sara was lying on her back watching as he told his tale, most of it she knew, but Jim's perspective was a little more enlightening than Grissom's or even Nick, Warrick and Greg's had been, and she felt a twinge of guilt as she listened, realising that was probably Jims' plan all along.

"You know he never actually told us that you and him were trying to work things out, although there were signs. He blew up at Catherine for not telling him that she knew where you were sending her into damage control mode. He knew you were in touch with the boys, I guess he figured they wouldn't let you cut them out of your life like you had him, but he never once pressured them."

"When Catherine got the call about your accident she went to tell him herself and by the time I got there he was a total mess. I have to tell you Sara, in all the years I have know that man I have never seen him like that. He was broken; there is no other way to describe it. We got him a flight, put him on the plane and the rest, well you know the rest."

Sara nodded; she thought she knew where this was all leading.

"He had to deal with not only the fact that you were critically injured and were thousands of miles away, but that it would be his decision that would determine what happened to you once he got here." Jim sighed and ran his hand over his face wearily. "Sara you know how much he cares for you and that ring on your finger is a pretty good indication that he is serious. It hurts him to see you like this, you have to know that. You need to heal physically and that's going to take time, but you both need to heal up here" he tapped his head. "And here" he tapped his chest indicating his heart, "before that can happen. You can only do that by coming to terms with what happened and the best way to do that is to talk to one another."

He patted the now tearful Sara on the arm and stood to leave, but stopped when Sara took hold of his arm.

"Thankyou, I think" she spoke softly, her voice trembling. "You ah….I knew things were bad, I guess…. I guess we need to have that talk pretty soon eh?" Sara took a deep breath. "When you go back out there can you ask him to come in here?"

Jim just nodded. "He ah….he went for a walk, I'll send him in when he gets back ok?"

Sara didn't reply, just hugged the pillow tighter as Jim left her, closing the door behind him.

--

It was almost dark when Grissom returned from his walk having already decided that he and Sara really needed to talk. Jim told him she was waiting for him; that they had talked, but would not reveal what they had talked about so he decided to make them both a cup of coffee before he went into her.

Mugs in hand, he opened the bedroom door as quietly, not wanting to startle her. She appeared to be asleep, lying on her side with her legs curled up and on top of the covers; he hoped she wasn't cold. Setting the mugs down on the nightstand next to her, he softly sat on the edge of the bed.

As he gently rubbed her back, she stirred, turning towards him and moving onto her back.

Grissom could see that she had been crying, _'probably cried herself to sleep'_ he thought as he brushed the hair from her face, as her eyes opened. Tired brown eyes looked straight into tired blue ones and he couldn't help a small smile.

Sara however did not return his smile and his heart clenched instantly as he saw her eyes fill with unshed tears. This was so not the Sara Sidle he knew and it bothered him terribly.

Reaching out her hand for his, she held onto it tightly and he returned the squeeze.

"Sara….."

"Gil…."

They both spoke at once and Grissom shook his head. "I'm worried about you Sara" he jumped in, not waiting to see what she had to say.

"Today…. That was not like you. Talk to me honey" he stared into her eyes, watching as a myriad of emotions flitted across her face and reflected in her eyes. "Please?"

Sara dropped her eyes to look at their linked hands, she wanted to tell him, but she wasn't sure how to start.

Grissom didn't push her, just held tightly to her hand and waited, he could be patient.

Taking a deep breath that she let out slowly and loudly, Sara raised her eyes to his. She was surprised when she saw not sympathy or anger reflected in his eyes, but only love and understanding. Guilt over her behaviour towards him earlier swept over her and she felt the tears building again because of it.

Grissom watched her eyes fill, and was about to reach for her when he saw the slight stiffening of her shoulders as she tried to regain control of her emotions.

"I want to explain something to you" she gestured for him to sit with her on the bed, and as he did she continued.

"First, I need to apologise for earlier, please believe me when I say it was not you, I was not really angry at you and I should not have lashed out at you like that" she looked at him, offering a small smile. "Forgive me?"

Grissom nodded and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

"When I was a child, the frequent trips to hospital were not always for my mom, enough of them were for me that I learnt very quickly to hate hospitals and everything associated with them" she looked at their hands, not looking at him., she knew what his reaction to her words would be if she looked at him." By the time….well lets just say that I developed a coping mechanism for all those visits."

Grissom's mouth twitched, he had a pretty good idea that shutting down and not listening to anything was Sara's method of coping, but he was not about to say that.

"That…. ah….coping mechanism might have been ok when I was a child, but it isn't very appropriate now and I guess I only realised that today. Pretty stupid huh?" She looked at him then and gave him a tense smile before continuing.

"When I was in hospital, I never really thought much about my injuries you know? Yeah, Dr Lucas explained it all and everyone kept telling me how lucky I was, but I guess I just….I don't know….I guess I never put it into any sort of context. It was almost like I was an observer, not the one it happened to. I never really gave any thought to what it all meant, it didn't matter that I couldn't do things for myself, because that wasn't going to be a problem when I got home, because it never was in the past" Sara stopped talking and looked at Grissom, who had not spoken during her little confession, much to her surprise.

Giving her hand another reassuring squeeze, Grissom just nodded for her to continue.

"Today, when I was throwing my tantrum…." she watched as Grissom fought the urge to grin. "Yes I know it was a tantrum, I did behave like a child, but she was treating me like one and you weren't helping" she snapped and immediately regretted saying it as she saw Grissom stiffen and it was her turn to give his hand a reassuring squeeze.

"Today, when she was said that I needed to take things slowly and that even though there were no significant physical disabilities left by my head injuries there could be smaller deficits that might be picked up as time went on, well….I ….she started me thinking and….well that's something that I hadn't done and I reacted badly." Sara held tightly to his hand and looked him in the eyes.

"I didn't think about it, because I didn't want to. I have never let myself be held back by injuries before, not as a child and certainly not as an adult, no matter how much they hurt. But today, I realised that it had nothing to do with whether or not I was going to let it hold me back, it was entirely about the fact that…. that this time I have no choice. I hate that I have not real control over this."

"No-one likes not having a choice Sara, especially when it comes down to what we can or cannot do" Grissom pulled Sara to him and held her in a gentle embrace. "You are one of the most independent women I know Sara. No-0ne has ever doubted your strength or determination, least of all me, but whilst they are admirable traits to possess, they can be equally damning at times."

"I agree that I could have handled things a little better today" he paused as he felt Sara grin against his chest. "Ok, a lot better. I have to admit that I wondered just how much you were taking in while you were in hospital, but I thought that maybe it was because of your injuries, not because you were deliberately choosing not to hear things."

Sara stiffened in his arms, but he just pulled her in tighter and ran his hands up and down her back.

"I know that your independence is important to you, and it is one of the things that attracted me to you in the first place, but you have to understand that there is a difference between being independent and being stubborn" Grissom waited for a reaction to his words and when he didn't get one, he continued.

"I love you so very much and I…. there is nothing I want more than to see you back to your old self, but…."he pulled away from her a little and tilted her face to his. "But I will **never **stand by quietly and watch you suffer in any way when it can be avoided. I hated seeing you in so much pain today. Know that I will never hold you back from trying to achieve your goals, but **I will not** watch you knowingly harm yourself."

Sara watched his face as he spoke and heard the pain in his voice and saw the hurt in his eyes.

It hurt Sara to see him like that, she knew that he had been upset today, but this was something more than that. The pain and hurt she saw was deeper than just today and her eyes widened in realisation that what Jim had said had been right.

Leaning up, she placed a gentle kiss on his lips and as he responded moved to deepen the contact. The kisses became desperate as they each tried to give and take comfort from the other. Eventually they became soft and gentle once more and tapered off to soft touches of lips as they clung to one another.

Sara pulled back from the embrace and stared into his eyes, reaching up to stroke his cheek with her palm, feeling him lean into it.

"Tell me about that day" she whispered.

Grissom shook his head, knowing she meant the day of the accident but not wanting to relive the moment his world had cracked and almost shattered.

"Please?" she held his face between her hands and glided her lips over his in a gesture of comfort.

He stiffened a little, and Sara put her arms around him as best she could and rested her head against his chest, holding him til he relaxed a little.

"What do you want to know?" his voice was muffled by her hair, as he rested against her.

"Everything" her reply was equally muffled by his chest.

She felt him sigh as his arms came around her and as she listened to him tell her what Rod had told him, her tears fell. He could feel her tears, wet through his shirt, and held her as she sobbed when he told her of the death of Adam Walker and his part in saving her life. He told her how he had fallen apart when Catherine had brought him the news and how it was her and Brass that got him to Washington. He told her how fearful he was that he would have to make a decision that would ultimately take her from him for ever. Now it was her turn to hold him as she felt his tears fall.

When he had finished and their tears had dried, they continued to hold each other, exhausted by the emotions of not only the telling of the story, but of earlier in the day as well.

Neither of them remembered laying down on the bed, nor falling asleep, but when Brass woke them for dinner a few hours later, they each felt as though a great weight had been lifted from their shoulders.

As he set the table for dinner, allowing both Sara and Grissom to freshen up, Brass thought about the sight that had greeted him in the bedroom. The tear streaked faces and tight embrace, evidence that the sleeping pair had finally talked about the accident filled him with both sorrow and happiness; maybe now they could all heal and get on with their lives.


	30. A Good Day

A/N: My sincere apologies to those who have waited patiently (I hope) for the rest of this story. I haven't been in the happiest of places lately and it's hard to write happy when you're not. I think my muse gave up on me but she's back now so I hope to post again soon. Thanks for sticking with me.

A Good Day.

It was five days since her first physio session and Sara had been secretly practicing the exercises that had caused her so much trouble that first time. It was still as frustrating as all hell, but she felt that maybe there was a slight improvement, just a little bit more movement. Her ribs; though still sore were not restricting her movements as much and whilst dressing was still difficult, she was now able to manage in the bathroom alone.

She had complained about Allison's need to help those first few days, but in reality she had actually enjoyed the other woman's company. Whilst she love both of the men currently caring for her it was nice to be able to have a 'girly chat' (thought she would never admit that to either Jim or Gil, after all she had a reputation to maintain).

She showered and dressed before joining them in the kitchen for breakfast and as she entered the other room she couldn't help the smile that appeared at the sight of two of Las Vegas' toughest law enforcement officers happily preparing breakfast together.

Both men looked up as she reached the kitchen and Grissom raised his eyebrows in question when he saw the smile.

"You're looking pretty happy this morning my dear" he was smiling as he spoke.

"I feel pretty good today and I was just enjoying the sight of two such manly men pottering around my kitchen" they could hear the laughter in her voice.

"Pottering?" Jim spluttered, trying to give the impression he was hurt by her words. "I'll have you know that I never have and I never will potter" he clutched a hand to his chest dramatically, causing both Sara and Grissom to laugh.

As they ate their breakfast, the banter and teasing continued and when they had finished and the men were clearing the table, Sara asked what plans they had for the day.

"Hadn't really decided actually" Grissom watched as stretched her arm gently and smiled. He had seen her do that a few times lately when she thought no-one was looking and it pleased him immensely to think she was trying the exercises given to her by the therapist.

"My appointment with Dr Lucas is at eleven, do you think we could go out somewhere for lunch? I thought maybe we could see if Rob, Allison and Richard could meet us, would that be ok?" she had seen only Allison since her discharge from the hospital and she found she was actually missing her team, well her friends.

"Of course we can, I think that's a great idea. Jim and I have a couple of things to do before we go to the hospital, so why don't you call them and arrange everything while we're out. We shouldn't be too long." Grissom's smile was bright as he spoke.

"What are you guys up to?" Sara was surprised that they were both going out together, usually, one of them stayed with her. At first it had annoyed her that they wouldn't leave her home alone, but when she couldn't dissuade them (and she really had tried); she had just accepted that it was just one of their ways of showing how much they cared.

"Just having some _**man time**__"_ came Jim's reply as he exited the kitchen and headed to his room. "I mean if you can have _**girl time**_, then we deserve some time too." He added.

"_**Man time**_ huh? Is that code for having a drink without me tagging along?" she grinned at the look on Grissom's face. "Hah… thought so. Got secret mens business to discuss have we? Well far be it from me to encroach on your _**man time**_." She tried to sound as if she was put out and as Grissom started to splutter and stammer she realised she had succeeded and burst out laughing.

She pulled a startled Grissom into her arms and placed a kiss on his lips, effectively silencing him. His response was immediate and the brief kiss turned into a long and loving one, broken only by a cough and snort as Jim returned to the room.

Pulling away from each other, Sara chuckled as she pushed the man she loved away from her.

"Go, enjoy a few drinks, just don't forget to come get me in time for my appointment" she lifted her casted arm towards them. "Coz I really want this off, it's damned heavy."

----

The appointment with her doctor went well and Sara emerged from the hospital with a fibre-glass cast that was not only lighter, but smaller too. It didn't extend past her elbow like the original and she looked forward to the extra movement it was going to allow her.

They met with the others at a small bistro by one of the many parks dotted throughout the city and Sara couldn't remember the last time she had enjoyed herself as much.

Sara knew that Jim and Grissom watched her often during the lunch, making sure she had everything she needed and was not tiring too quickly; just as she was aware of the smiles exchanged by Rob and Allison at they watched the two men try to take care of her without being obvious. It gave her a wonderful warm feeling that these two men were looking out for her without stifling the small amount of independence she was regaining. Deep in her thoughts, Sara watched them join in the banter and engage in the 'discussions' with her co-workers and wondered how she was ever going to repay them for all they had done and continued to do for her.

Noticing that Sara was no longer joining in, the conversation quickly wound down and after agreeing to do it again soon the three FBI agents left to return to work.

"Are you ok Cookie?" Jim asked concerned at how quiet Sara had become.

"MmHmm…..I…. guess I'm a little tired. But it's a good tired, I really enjoyed this, thankyou." She gave them both a smile.

Watching her, both Jim and Grissom thought maybe it was more than tiredness but they also knew better than to push her for answers.

A/N: I know this is short, but it's kinda just a filler chapter that didn't fit into the one before or the next one. Please keep the reviews coming, I really appreciate them.


	31. Chapter 31

Amazing

Sara was amazed at how quickly time was passing. It was now three weeks since she had been injured and Christmas was quickly approaching. Thanksgiving had been celebrated quietly; just the three of them and it had been a lovely day. Her disappointment at Jim having to return to Las Vegas was tempered by the knowledge that he was going to try to return to spend a few days with them at Christmas. She had loved having the gruff detective around, and she knew that Gil had too and that they both missed him.

Her shoulder had improved enough both in strength and movement that the doctors had told her they didn't think surgery would be necessary much to her relief. Her ribs were pretty much healed and her hair had begun to cover the small bald area left by her surgery. It was nice to think that she didn't have to wear the scarves any more if she didn't want to, but she had reconciled to the fact that she would need to get her hair cut a lot shorter than she was used to.

Her thoughts drifted back to a few days ago when she had been looking at her reflection in the bedroom mirror, pulling her hair up to try and picture herself with short hair.

"_I've never had short hair; still I guess it won't take long for it to grow. I wonder what Gil will say when he sees how short it's going to have to be. Oh damn….what if he hates it?" She had been talking to herself, thinking she was alone._

"_Gil will love it no matter what you do to it." He startled her and she spun around her face red._

"_You say that now, but you've only ever seen me with long hair." She wondered how long he had been there._

"_You know, if I'm lucky it will have more curl, I love your hair when it's curled. But it doesn't matter to me what it's like, I'd love you even if you were bald." He had wrapped his arms around her and silenced her protests with kisses that left them both breathless._

Now as she stood outside the hair salon waiting for Grissom to meet her she could only smile when she imagined his reaction to her new look. The stylist had done an amazing job of blending the new hair growth into her new style and though it was shorter than she had ever imagined it would be she loved it and she was pretty sure he would too.

Her smile grew wide as she watched him approach, his own face sporting a grin that morphed into an astounded smile as he realised that it was her outside the store.

As he stopped in front of her, she watched him take in every detail and as he reached out a hand to tentatively touch her hair their eyes locked.

He didn't say a word, as he slowly turned her around so he could see the back and as she faced him again, the butterflies in her stomach began to make their presence felt.

"Do you like it?" She couldn't keep the nervousness she was feeling from her voice.

"I….It's….you look amazing" he was having trouble getting the words out and he watched as the anxious look on her face was replaced by delight at his positive reaction.

"I wasn't sure….you know….it's so different…." She faltered.

"You look absolutely stunning honey. I can't believe how beautiful you are."

Sara found herself blushing a little at his words and pulled him to her for a brief kiss.

"Thankyou, I can't tell you how nervous I was about how you would react" she linked her arm through his. "Let's go have some lunch."

"It will be my pleasure, I think I'm going to enjoy all the envious looks I'm going to get with such a beautiful woman on my arm" he told her, trying to sound serious, but only causing her to laugh at him.

After an enjoyable lunch; during which they both noticed a few men casting them what Grissom insisted were jealous looks, and a few looks from women that Sara insisted were the same. They spent a leisurely few hours roaming the book stores and music stores nearby. It was late afternoon before they returned to the apartment and after deciding on ordering in for dinner, settled together on the sofa to relax and enjoy their purchases.

---

After enjoying a leisurely dinner of Chinese food from what they had recently decided was their favourite Chinese restaurant Sara chose the sofa to read while Grissom caught up with his emails on his lap-top at the dining table.

The ringing of the phone startled both of them, breaking the comfortable silence that had enveloped the room.

Motioning Sara to stay seated, Grissom grabbed the phone off the bench behind him.

"Sara Sidles residence" he heard the chuckle on the other end of the line and recognising the voice just handed the phone to Sara.

"Hello?" she gave Grissom a mock scowl as he sat back down and focused on the lap-top again.

"No he didn't tell me who it was….yeah, well I'll deal with him later" she grinned at Grissom as he gave her a quizzical look over the top of his computer screen.

"So tell me how are things in Vegas? Give me all the goss." Sara settled back onto the sofa, getting comfortable.

Grissom couldn't help eaves-dropping on what was essentially a one-sided conversation and he found himself smiling at the frequent giggles coming from the woman on the sofa. When she burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter he stopped what he was doing to watch her, and felt just a little twinge of jealousy that it was someone else making her laugh so easily.

He found himself wishing he was the one to make Sara laugh like that. He loved to hear her laughter, it made him feel…well he wasn't really sure what it was, but he knew he loved that sound. Her smile though, that was his biggest weakness. She could turn him weak at the knees when she gave him one of those full blown smiles that she seemed to save just for him. At least he hoped she did and he had to admit that he had never been witness to her giving anyone else that smile. The one she gave Jim when he had surprised her in the hospital came pretty close, but it wasn't **the** one. The one he called his 'Sara Smile'.

He was startled out of his reverie by a hand on his shoulder. He had been so absorbed in his thoughts that he hadn't even noticed that she had finished on the phone.

Wrapping her arms around him from behind she placed a kiss to the side of his neck. A shiver ran through him in response and he turned in his chair and pulled her down onto his lap.

"It sounded like Greg was in good form tonight" he nuzzled her neck as he spoke.

"Mm Hmm….he was just catching me up on the latest news" she moved her head slightly allowing him better access to her neck, it wasn't even a conscious movement on her part.

"He makes you laugh" he paused in his assault on her throat. "I wish I could do that as well as he does."

Sara heard the tinge of regret in his voice and pulled back. Taking his face between her hands she held his gaze.

"Greg has always made me laugh, that's one of his biggest assets, his ability to find humour in life, even on the toughest days. It's his gift and it's what makes him Greg and no you don't make me laugh like he does, no-one does, but you do other things that Greg could never do" she kissed him gently on the lips once, twice and then again a little harder.

Returning her kisses he found himself sinking into the feeling and when she ran her tongue gently over his bottom lip seeking entrance he was on autopilot.

As the kiss deepened he found he had no control over his hands as they moved to her back and slid up into her hair, pulling her closer to him. Sara responded by linking both her hands at the base of his neck as their tongues duelled in a loving dance

Breaking the kiss, Grissom pulled back to look at Sara, his eyes questioning before he managed to find his voice. His desire for her was lessened only by his desire not to injure her healing body more.

"Sara?"

Her only response was a nod and her mouth found his again, this time the kiss was harder and full of passion and they both allowed the desire they felt for each other to finally break through.

It had been a long time coming and though they both felt the need for one another rapidly rising within, both knew that they didn't want this first time to be just a frantic release of years of built up tension.

With more control than either of them thought they possessed they broke apart again and rested foreheads together as they tried to regain their breath.

"Bedroom."

It was Sara that finally managed to speak and taking his hand she pulled him up and they made their way down the short hallway.

Between kisses they undressed one another, marvelling in the feel of newly exposed skin until finally they lay naked on the bed, hands moving in a gentle rhythm of exploration and adoration.

The coupling itself was as frantic as they had anticipated despite trying to slow down. They fell into a frenzy of kisses and touches until they found a rhythm that quickly sped them towards a climax that sent them both over the edge and into oblivion.

Once their breathing returned to normal Grissom pulled Sara to him and wrapped both arms around her as she nestled her head into the crook of his neck. It was a long time before any words were spoken, but there was not really any need, everything had been said in the physical expression of their love.

Pulling away a little Sara caught and held his gaze.

"Are you ok honey, I didn't hurt you" he ran his hand gently over her shoulder.

"No, I'm fine….I love you Gil, so much…. that was amazing" she kissed him gently.

"Good because I don't ever want to hurt you again. I love you Sara. I agree….that was amazing."

Returning her kiss with one of his own, he pulled her back to nestle against him again and as Sara contentedly listened to his heartbeat she drifted off to sleep. Grissom watched her sleep as he had done most nights since they began sleeping together and he couldn't help the smile that graced his features as he too succumbed to sleep.

A/N: Well finally, I hope you liked that, I know it was brief, but I didn't feel I could do them justice by going into more detail. Thanks for all the lovely reviews for this and my other story, it makes me feel great.


	32. Chapter 32

A/N Thankyou for all the wonderful reviews and the words of encouragement. I hope you enjoy this next chapter.

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Quiet Intimacy

The following days passed relatively quickly. Some days there was either physiotherapy or one of the mandatory psychology sessions to attend. On the days Sara attended physio, they usually tried to meet up with one or all of her co-workers for lunch.

There was also the occasional day when Grissom worked. When he had first been approached by Rod to help them out with a bug covered body he had hesitated. After all he was not in Washington to work, but to be with Sara. But after she had told him in no uncertain terms that it would be good for him and laughingly told him it would stop him from getting lazy he acquiesced and had thoroughly enjoyed himself.

To prevent boredom on those days when there were no appointments, and Grissom wasn't out 'messing with his bugs' as Sara called it, they spent time checking out the sights that the nation's capitol had to offer or relaxing together in the quiet of Sara's apartment.

Those quiet days were the ones that Grissom came to love the most. On those days, he had Sara completely to himself and he revelled in the relaxed intimacy of lying close together on her couch watching the television or reading. But what he had come to cherish most about those days was how at the end of so many of them, they would end up lying in a tangle of sheets, content in the after glow of a different type of intimacy.

With the holidays quickly approaching, the therapist had given Sara a series of exercises to do at home. Though her shoulder was improving rapidly and caused her little or no discomfort, Sara was determined to regain strength back in it as quickly as possible and so another routine was added to their days.

The week before Christmas Sara made a decision.

"We need a Christmas tree." Her voice broke the silence of the room.

"Sorry?" Grissom raised his head from the paper thinking he had misheard her.

"It's Christmas in one week and we need a tree."

"Oh" Grissom was a little confused because neither of them had ever worried about that sort of thing before and he wondered why Sara wanted to start now.

"Is there a particular reason we need a tree? Or is this one of those impulse things like the lamp?" he was smirking as he looked at her.

"There is nothing wrong with impulse buys and there is nothing wrong with that lamp" Sara punctuated her statement with a well aimed cushion.

The lamp that Grissom had jokingly called 'grossly deformed' and 'ugly' had been found one afternoon in an old antique book store they had come across while wandering one of the older districts. It held pride of pace in the living room, simply because Sara had 'fallen in love with it'.

"Ok…well how about we find out where we can get one and go have a look later today. Do you have decorations for it?" Grissom hoped her answer would be yes because he had no real wish to venture into the mall a week before Christmas unless it was an emergency.

"Actually….no. But we could grab some from that warehouse at the mall…." Sara broke off and struggled not to laugh at the look of horror on his face.

"Oh. Come on, where's your sense of adventure?" she waited for him to make a comment and when he didn't she continued. "Anyway we have to have decorations for the tree, and maybe some lights, and maybe some mistletoe for the doorway and …."

"Fine, fine we'll get the tree then go to the mall, but I want you to know that I am only going in there under protest. You know how I hate crowded shopping centres full of fanatical shoppers who wouldn't hesitate to kill over the last item on their list" he grumbled.

"Well if they kill you, I'm an experienced investigator with the FBI and I would avenge your untimely demise" Sara couldn't help laughing at the look on his face at that comment.

Sara moved over to him and sat in his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and placing a kiss on his forehead. She was still chuckling. Grissom wrapped his arms around her and kissed her firmly on the lips, before nestling his face into the crook of her neck.

"You wouldn't save me?" he mumbled into her neck.

"I' would certainly try. There is nothing more scary than a woman protecting her possessions" she grinned, but he couldn't see it. "Especially one who has a gun."

She felt the rumble of his laugh against her as he said "Oh I see, so I'm a possession now am I?"

Sara tightened her hold and kissed his head. "My most precious one" she told him softly.

As he raised his eyes to look at her, she felt herself pulled into his gaze before their lips met in a kiss of tenderness and love.

---

It was late afternoon before they finally made it out of the apartment to search for their Christmas tree. The sales lot, they discovered was only a couple of blocks from the apartment, but they drove so that they would be able to transport the tree easily.

It was Sara that found the perfect tree. A medium sized fir that smelt wonderfully fresh and after paying for both it and a stand they tied it to the top of the car and returned home.

They set it up in front of the window with ease and only minimal rearrangement of the furniture and set of for the mall.

---

Juggling bags and keys Sara finally managed to get the door to the apartment open and pushed it wide open to allow Grissom to follow her in. Both arms laden with bags and boxes he hurried to the table before he dropped them.

"Are you sure we really needed all this stuff honey?" he put the last bag securely on the table.

"Yes. If we are going to do this we are at least going to do it right" she told him as she added the bags she carried to those already on the table and began to pull everything out.

"Ok, well as long as you're sure. Want a coffee?" he asked already heading into the kitchen.

"Mmhmm"

Grissom chuckled as he watched Sara grab an armful of decorations and head for the tree.

Several cups of coffee and a couple of hours later Sara sat back and admired her handy work.

"So! What do you think" she asked him excitedly. Sara had done the actual decorating and all Grissom had done was pass her whatever she asked for. He looked the tree over thoughtfully and decided that it looked a little over done. Actually a lot over done, you could barely see that it was a tree at all.

As Sara looked at him he could see the happiness in her smile and eyes and knew that he was not going to be honest.

"I think it looks wonderful." He smiled as her smile grew. "You did a fantastic job."

She was still grinning broadly as she grabbed something out of one of the bags left on the table. Approaching him with the item behind her back she gave him what he could only describe as a devilish grin.

As he watched her approach he tilted his head trying to see what she was hiding, but she just moved it further behind her.

As she reached him she extended one arm above her head and put the other on his chest. Realisation dawned on Grissom just then and he reached around her to pull her to him.

"Mmmm. I wondered where that was. Where are you going t….." he got no more out as Sara planted a passionate kiss on his lips that had him responding automatically. As the kiss deepened, the sprig of mistletoe that Sara had been holding above their heads fell lower and lower until it fell from her fingers altogether as she wrapped herself around him.

Breaking the kiss, slightly breathless, Grissom gazed into her eyes.

"I love you Sara" he whispered. "I don't think I tell you that enough."

"I know you do Gil, and I love you too" she placed a soft kiss on his lips, followed by another before kissing him deeply again.

"You know, we only have this place to ourselves for two more days. We will have to be on our best behaviour when Jim gets here" Grissom said with a smirk.

"Mmmm…..well then I guess we'd better get all that bad behaviour out of system before then, don't you." Sara moved away from him and headed towards the bedroom, looking behind her.

Seeing the sultry look she was giving him, Grissom quickly followed, thoughts of mistletoe and Christmas trees abandoned in favour of other more interesting thoughts.


End file.
